


Island Auras

by Seaward



Series: Uncertain Ground [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Circus, Cultural Differences, Gen, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 00:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 77,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13306134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seaward/pseuds/Seaward
Summary: Moving to Hawaii should have meant leaving mysterious powers and people behind. Little did Lily realize that the islands have their own secret places and magics. She needs to take a stand, both magically and socially, to help those who need her and to find her own way.





	Island Auras

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this story in 2009 under the pseudonym Clara Ward. Many people would categorize it as young adult fantasy, but it is meant to offer something to readers of all ages. The teenage characters' reactions are meant to be honest, and not always ideal or PC. although I believe their understandings develop in positive ways. Special thanks to Betsy and Cera for their help with earlier drafts. All remaining mistakes are mine.

1

Paradise

Each new school is strange in its own way, and Lily had been to enough schools to know. Castle High could have been pitiful in a down-and-out, inner-city sort of place. Instead, it sprawled across acres of green grass and greener tropical flora, with the Koolau Mountains rising above and Kaneohe Bay rippling below. If she turned her back to the school, Lily's new home in Oahu, Hawaii might seem like paradise, but Lily knew she couldn’t truly turn her back on high school.

At three o’clock, however, she was facing away from the school buildings. Lily placed her feet carefully along a narrow concrete path flanked by green fire. She strained to see only green grass, to ignore the heat she felt. Lily had flown from the New Mexico desert to this bay in Hawaii only days before. She'd left any possible magic behind, tied to the land and strange people there. It must be the contrast making the greenery seem so bright that it was like jumping into a colorized movie.

Lily stopped abruptly as her left foot landed off the concrete path. The warm ground seemed to be drawing her inside out, into flames that were grass. She felt warm all through, like she was sipping hot chocolate through her toes. It could have been a fine feeling if she was someplace cold and was capable of drinking warm beverages through her feet. But that wasn’t how reality worked, she told herself. Unseen forces couldn't pull her from the path.

Her mind flew back to the bridge in New Mexico, the bridge where a strange, warm force had seemed to push her, to make her almost fall headfirst into a ravine. And after that there had been other places, by rock carvings or ledges beside a mesa, places with mysterious forces at work. Those mysterious forces had almost taken Lily's father. The bizarreness—magic or whatever forces were at work—in New Mexico had drawn bullies to Lily and her sister at school and led the police to her house. Her family moved to Hawaii to leave behind that unpleasantness and the truths no one would believe.

Lily refused to believe she'd brought those problems with her. The feeling in her toes wasn't like the heat that almost threw her from a bridge. This was a relaxing warmth soaking through her skin, like feeling her dad’s arm around her as they sat with her mom and sister by a campfire. She wanted to sit on the grass with her shoes off and close her eyes as she faced the afternoon sun. Instead, she drew her foot back onto the path and told herself that was all it was, a perfectly normal desire to sit in the sun. She didn’t quite believe herself, but sorting through possible delusions was too much to handle on the first day at a new school.

With unusual care, Lily walked the rest of the way to the curb to begin her mandatory volunteer assignment. She watched a blue van creep cautiously up the crowded school driveway. On its side were cheerful yellow letters announcing “Lokahi Children’s Home.” It was after school on Lily’s first Monday in Hawaii, and she was going straight to her school-assigned volunteer job. Five other Castle High students were waiting near her. Once the van parked, a very short woman in a modest navy blue dress climbed out from the driver’s side and walked around to greet them and open the sliding side door.

“Good to see you Kim, Ling-Ling.” She nodded to the first two girls, who had been speaking to each other in low tones as Lily approached.

Both girls quieted and moved toward the bus driver saying, “Good afternoon, Mrs. Mao.” They scurried in and took the back row of seats.

A skinny strawberry blond girl popped in next with a shy nod, to take the seat behind the driver. The one boy in the group hurried after her, removing his baseball cap, to reveal disheveled brown hair. He mumbled, “Hi,” as he moved toward the other seat near the front. He was easily six feet tall, and his bushy hair poked higher than the side window. He made the bus look child-sized, which in a way it was.

Mrs. Mao nodded, “Paula, John.” Then she turned to the lanky girl standing next to Lily and said, “Makana, how are you today?”

“Fine,” the girl answered without looking up as she climbed onto the bus.

That left only Lily, standing awkwardly tall next to the small woman, who looked at her and said, “You must be taking Tamara’s place. I’m Mrs. Mao.”

“Yes, I’m Lily,” Lily stammered, “pleased to meet you.” When the woman made no move to shake hands or say anything else, Lily stepped into the van. There was an empty seat across from the door and one behind it, across from, what was her name, Makana?

Lily quickly chose the seat across from the one student sitting alone, who she was fairly sure was called Makana. She tried to engrave the name in her memory along with Kim, Ling-Ling, Paula, and John. The other pairs were talking as Mrs. Mao started the engine, but Makana was writing in a spiral notebook. It could have been homework, a letter, or a journal, but the words seemed to pour out of Makana’s pencil.

Lily tried to watch discreetly, drawn by the frenetic motion of the girl’s hand. She noticed almost immediately the chafing between Makana’s thumb and first finger. It couldn’t have been caused by writing, since the pencil barely touched there. Two moves ago, Lily used to see hands like that in circus class. When someone first practiced rope or certain trapeze moves, the area beside the thumb could scrape raw that way. Lily hoped to keep practicing circus even in Hawaii, but she doubted there would be classes in aerial arts or circus skills like trapeze any closer than Honolulu, and maybe not even there. But what had Makana been doing with her hands?

She felt drawn to Makana, like a physical, gut deep pull. She resolved to ask Makana about her hobbies, but the girl never looked up from her writing.

Makana leaned forward over her notebook now, almost hiding the words beneath the wide waves of her hair. Lily hair was dark and reached past her shoulders, but she had never seen hair that could compare to Makana's. Despite being thick and heavy, it curled enough that Lily thought it would be more than twice as long when wet. Two African American girls on her old circus team had spent a lot of time educating Lily, showing her ways they could iron or reshape their very curly, almost kinky black hair. But Makana's hair was not like theirs. Her skin was a deep tan but not what Lily was used to calling black. Makana's left hand hid her face further as she combed and twisted her heavy waves of hair, and her right hand wrote frantically in her notebook. For the moment, Lily couldn’t see her features, that hair and her hands were all she had to identify Makana.

In front of her, John was pretty obviously flirting with Paula. He was teasing her about something that had happened in drama class, and she would laugh, look away, look back. It seemed a little too personal to watch. Lily turned to the window instead. In the first few minutes, she’d been vaguely aware of standard suburban homes and a few apartments or condos sliding by, but now the houses were thinning out.

Trees with large thick leaves arched over the road, even though it was November. The temperature hadn’t gone below sixty, even at night, and Lily wondered what winter would mean here. It wasn’t as hot as New Mexico, where she’d lived last. Instead the air was always damp and stayed warmer at night. The sun didn’t glare unpleasantly here, and on this road the arching trees overhead made a false twilight. Lily caught brief glimpses of the bay to her right. Then the van turned left, toward the center of the island, and farms appeared on both sides of the road.

The driveway they turned onto bore a sign reading, “Lokahi Children’s Home” and beneath that, “Farm and Learning Center.” Lily saw rows of pineapple plants and behind them tall stalks that she guessed were rows of sugar cane. The air coming in her window smelled sweet and verdant. Everything was lush and green, but then plopped in the center was a drab institutional building. It reminded Lily of Castle High with its mundane main building surrounded by spectacular views. Perhaps that was the way of things in Kaneohe or maybe all over Oahu. Lily sighed, remembering all her family's previous moves and all the moments that made her aware she was an outsider.

Soon the van was parked in front of the drab building, and the high school students wandered through the front doors. The entryway was light green with children’s handprints in various colors scattered from barely above the floor to more than halfway up the wall. They appeared to have been painted in the obvious way, by having lots of kids stick their hands in paint, but any drips had been cleaned up, leaving the little room cheerful and tidy. Halls led off in three directions, and the other student helpers seemed to know their assignments as they headed off.

Mrs. Mao motioned Lily toward an open door a short way down the hallway on the right. Lily stepped in uncertainly, and a shriveled little woman with permed white hair looked up. Her skin was deeply tanned, and there were so many wrinkles around her mouth and eyes that Lily couldn’t guess what she would have looked like in her youth. She sat behind an in/out box and piles of paper, looking hunched and small in a polyester business suit. For a long minute neither Lily nor the old woman spoke.

Then Mrs. Mao moved away from the doorway and said, “Sharon, this is Lily, the new student helper? She’s taking the place of Tamara who used to come on Mondays but moved away?” Mrs. Mao spoke deferentially, but her questioning tone made it seem that this was information the older woman, Sharon, should already have known and was being asked to remember. Mrs. Mao continued, “Lily, this is Mrs. Sharon Grady, the weekday afternoon supervisor.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Lily said, and then there was another long pause.

“Good to meet you,” Mrs. Grady finally said. “I’m sure Maureen can get you settled.”

From Mrs. Grady’s gaze, Lily concluded Maureen was Mrs. Mao’s first name. Sure enough, Mrs. Mao quickly escorted Lily out of the office, back to the lobby, and down the hall opposite the front door.

“You’ll be working with Makana in the reading and study room this month. I don’t have your papers from the school yet, but I suppose they’ll come by next Monday, and I’ll make sure your service hours for today are entered. If you have any questions Makana can’t answer, you can always go back to Sharon’s office. Or if you can find me, I’m happy to help, but I spend much of each afternoon driving off site. Do you have any questions now?”

Lily thought she had far too few answers to even start to ask questions, but somehow that didn’t bother her. Ever since Dad said they were moving to Hawaii, she’d wanted to dive into the experience. Well, here she was, ready to make the most of whatever presented itself. She shook her head to say she didn't have any questions, as Maureen Mao led her into a carpeted room filled with bookshelves and folding tables. A couple of girls were working quietly side by side. Makana was in an adjacent room separated by a mostly glass wall with sliding glass doors. That room was full of beanbag chairs and cushions, and Makana was reading a picture book to a kindergarten-sized boy.

Mrs. Mao smiled upon seeing Makana. The shy, scribbling figure from the bus had become an animated stage performer as she read aloud to the boy. Her words were obscured by the glass, but the way Makana stretched her neck and raised her brows made Lily imagine the lecturing tone of a pompous character.

“Maybe you can help the older children in here for now,” Mrs. Mao said.

She left with a tilt of her head, and Lily walked over to the two girls who were now staring at her. “Hi, I’m Lily. I’ll be volunteering here this term. Is there anything I can help you with?”

The girls giggled shyly and looked down at their books. They both seemed to be working on the same math assignment of fairly simple multiplication. When it became clear they wouldn’t answer, Lily said, “Do you have any questions about the math problems? Anything you’d like explained?”

“No, we’re fine,” said one. The other only giggled.

Lily tried to put a good face on it. “All right. I’ll be over here if you want me.”

She went to look through the bookshelves, not having any real idea what else she was expected to do. Castle High had a mandatory volunteer requirement, which seemed a little contradictory to Lily. How could you call someone a volunteer if they had to do the job? But to be fair, any volunteer position could count. The counselor had set Lily up with this, because there was easy transportation and a position had recently opened. Lily thought she’d do well at a children’s home given all she knew from her Dad’s work with the child welfare agency and all she'd learned while managing Rose, her sister who acted much more than two years younger than Lily. Still, she had no real idea what would be expected or how the system here worked.

She moved from the first set of metal bookshelves, which were mostly filled with reference and textbooks, to the single window in the room. It was an unimpressive window, maybe three feet high by four wide, but it looked out onto a chaotically crowded garden. There were raised beds of delicate flowers. Some looked like violets. Others were hard to distinguish, not blooming this late in the year, even here. But there were several large bird of paradise plants, with the strange triangular blooms that she’d first seen in California. They seemed to grow thick and almost wild along the borders of this garden. Lily didn’t think she’d ever lived someplace as green as Hawaii, and she thought it was a lot more natural that artists would want to live here, rather than in New Mexico.

Still, she missed the desert, even as she enjoyed the Hawaiian greenery. This was abundance, but the plants she’d left had been tenacious. She remembered the little cacti looking half dead with only parts near their flowers or seeds showing green. In time, she’d seen them as strong and alive, holding their part of the desert for centuries despite changes humans made. She wondered if the plants outside this garden, plants that grew wild on the island, had held on like that. She remembered something from science class about island habitats being more fragile, easily disrupted when outside predators or prolific foreign plants were introduced. Then she remembered the warm pull of the grass by the school, and a shiver ran up her back.

The sliding glass door from the reading room opened, and Lily turned to see Makana and the little boy walk through. They went to the bookshelf Lily hadn’t explored yet. The lowest two shelves appeared to be picture books. The rest held older kids’ fiction. The little boy squatted eagerly by the lower shelves. Makana stood near him but turned toward Lily.

“Hi,” she said, “I guess we’ll be working together.”

“Yeah, I’m Lily.”

“I’m Makana. This is Max.”

“Hi!” said Max, as he bounced up with a book and took Makana by the hand, pulling her back toward the glass-walled room. Makana smiled in Lily’s direction without really meeting her eyes and let herself be tugged away.

Lily was turning to offer help to the math girls again when the supervisor, Sharon Grady, appeared at the door. She stood looking around vaguely for a moment and then spotted Makana and Max in the beanbag part of the room. She stepped over to the sliding glass doors, and Lily noticed stiffness in the way she walked. Then the supervisor made two unsuccessful attempts before getting the door to slide open.

Makana and Max looked up, and the whole scene seemed to pause, as if waiting for Mrs. Grady to remember her lines.

“Max, time for your inhaler.” The supervisor pulled a zip lock bag with an inhaler from the pocket of her polyester jacket.

“No,” Max said.

“What?” Mrs. Grady asked, after a pause that reminded Lily of their stilted conversation earlier.

“No, thank you,” Max tried. There was a delay of several seconds, during which Max seemed to tire of waiting and then offered, “I don’t need it anymore.”

The old woman in her outdated suit stood there looking back and forth between the inhaler in her hand and the boy beside Makana. Makana looked down at her hands and the book she held, but the two math girls were staring at Mrs. Grady and jiggling with silent giggles. Lily felt vaguely sorry for the supervisor, who was probably following her standard routine and hadn’t expected any resistance.

“But you have to take your meds. The doctor prescribed them for you,” Mrs. Grady said.

At this Max jumped up as if he’d thought the problem through ahead of time. He moved fast enough that he slid under the supervisor’s arm and past the sliding glass door before she knew what was happening. He was rushing through the main study room and out into the hall as he said, “Catch me if you can or watch me run!”

 

 

2

The Chase

 

Max had a sizeable lead by the time Mrs. Grady, Makana, Lily, and the two math girls reached the rear door that led outside. It opened onto a large grassy area with a garden beyond. The boy had run clear across the field and now turned right along the garden fence, still running.

About a dozen other kids were playing outside, though most of them were now standing still watching Max. The two girls who stuck together on the bus—Lily tried for their names and could only recall Ling-Ling—were with a group made up mostly of girls at a cheap, backyard volleyball net. They started walking toward Lily’s group as Mrs. Grady pushed forward across the grass with her slow, stiff-limbed walk.

Max had looped entirely around the garden and started another lap. He didn’t seem to be running away anymore, merely demonstrating how fast he could run. For a kid his size, he seemed pretty fast.

Lily tried to put everything into context with the inhaler still clutched in Mrs. Grady’s hand, but there was no way she knew enough about the situation. There’d been a girl in her Girl Scout troop years ago, who’d had an inhaler for emergencies, and she seemed to remember that girl mostly avoided running around on grass. But she’d never known anyone who needed to use an inhaler on a fixed schedule. Maybe the boy didn’t need it right now, or maybe he was endangering himself by running like this. She figured someone would shout or run after Max if what he was doing could be life threatening, so she was only a little worried.

Glancing around, it seemed Mrs. Grady was the only one really upset by events. Lily pegged her as the sort who wouldn’t like anything unusual or unpredictable to happen. Max looked delighted with himself, smiling even though he was breathing hard from running by this point. Ling-Ling and her friend looked a bit sweaty, probably from playing volleyball. Mostly they had the “gotta get where the action is” look common to many people in surprising situations.

Then Makana’s expression caught Lily’s attention. Her eyes were wide, and she was fully present, as she had not been on the bus or in the study room. She wasn’t smiling exactly, though maybe the corners of her mouth had pulled back a bit. If anything, she looked like a proud mother, like Lily’s mother looked when she watched her daughters master a circus trick or receive a minor award at school. Had Makana built a special connection with this boy, seeing him as a little brother? Was she proud of his running or simply glad to see him happy? Lily could feel some connection between them, something that seemed to pull at her, too.

Lily shook her head to clear it. The pull reminded her of being drawn onto the grass at school, and of all the weird things she’d seen and felt in New Mexico. She sizzled with warmth again and wanted to deny it, to tell herself she was merely excited or was making it all up. Part of her knew that could be true. Part of her wanted it to be true. But then she couldn’t turn away from a pull like a grappling hook behind her ribs. If she’d turned away in New Mexico, she’d have missed knowing Jen and Xavier. Xavier had taught her to keep an open mind, and Jen had shown her things that seemed impossible. After knowing them, how could Lily deny such a strong tug behind her ribs?

Standing her ground, Lily watched Makana, who didn’t seem to notice the pull, and all the other people outside, staring as a boy who needed an inhaler ran like the healthiest kid in town. There didn’t have to be anything supernatural about it, but a strange line of wavering heat seemed to bend toward Lily as it ran from Makana to the boy. As the heat shimmer curved, Lily felt like a hooked fish pulled on a shifting line. She couldn’t make herself believe it was just imagination.

As it worked out, Max ran back to their group. The invisible line that seemed to connect Lily to Makana and the boy collapsed. Lily felt untethered as Ling-Ling and Kim—that was her name!—converged with their own questions.

“What’s going on?” Ling-Ling asked.

“Isn’t that Max?” Kim asked.

“Did you see me!?” Max shouted. He was breathing hard and sweating, but he didn’t sound unhealthy or like he was going to keel over. He even started to hop left and right, from one foot to the other, in his enthusiasm.

All eyes went to Mrs. Grady, except Makana’s, which were fixed on the ground, but it was the ground nearest Mrs. Grady’s feet that she studied.

The old woman stood there, her cheeks and nose flushed, her left eye twitching as the sunlight came from that side. The supervisor watched Max silently for most of a minute as his breathing slowed but his smile stayed broad, absolutely sure at his age that he’d won. Lily felt a little sorry for Mrs. Grady, but she couldn’t help caring more about Max. She wanted him to win, at least for now, and not be asked to use his inhaler this time. Her mind ran to theories of misdiagnosis or desensitization as the old woman's expression went from annoyed to resigned.

“How did you—You should rest a bit now, Max. Stay with one of the helpers for a while, and I’ll set up for Mrs. Mao to take you to the doctor sometime soon. We can’t go on ignoring a prescription.”

With that she walked back toward the building, seeming to force her head high as she made her slow way across the lawn.

Max immediately jumped over to Kim. “What are you playing? Can I stay with you?”

Kim started telling him about volleyball as she led him away, but Ling-Ling remained behind, whispering, “What happened?”

When Makana didn’t answer Lily said, “When the supervisor came with his inhaler, he refused and ran out here, calling for us to come watch him. You saw the rest.”

Ling-Ling seemed disappointed as she turned away, and Lily wondered if she should have made the story sound juicier. She wanted to fit in and get along, but in truth, she was less concerned than ever before about how others might see her. After years of finding a group to accept her in each new town, Lily had decided knowing a couple of people well was more worthwhile. New Mexico might have been a bad experience in many ways, but meeting Xavier and Jen had been more than worth all the rest. Maybe she’d write to Xavier when she got home.

For now, she was interested in Makana.

She followed her back to the study room, and once the two giggly girls finished their multiplication homework, there weren’t any other kids around. Now was the chance Lily had wanted, the chance to find out more.

Makana was leaning against the fiction shelves, paging through a picture book with watercolor illustrations. Her hair was off her face. Her features didn't fit with any group she'd known before. Her nose was big, but had a sharp bone along the top. It might have been really ugly, but her eyes balanced it. They were dark and so deep set that only the tops of her eyelids showed. The heavy brows above them looked like they might have been plucked and shaped, which was a little surprising, since Makana wasn’t wearing any make-up and her clothes were loose and dark. She did have large dangly earrings, sort of hoops with a flat circle suspended inside each. They were golden and shiny but mostly covered by Makana’s flowing, wavy hair that reached to her breasts and halfway down her back.

If she was intentionally trying to look mysterious, that might explain the eyebrows. Lily thought the mystery was something deeper, not anything Makana had to play at. When Makana started to reshelf the book she’d been paging through, Lily asked, “Are you looking for something to read to Max next time?”

“No, I don’t know if he’ll even come back,” she replaced the book but stayed kneeling, browsing other spines.

“Won’t you miss him?”

“Sure, he’s a sweet kid, but there are lots of others.”

Lily tried to read beyond the words, but if Max meant more to Makana than that, Lily couldn’t see the lie. Maybe she’d imagined the look of motherly pride when Makana watched Max run on the field.

“Have you worked here long?”

“Just since the start of school.”

“What else do you do?”

“A little dance, a little writing.”

Lily thought she saw some nervousness as Makana fingered books without looking at them or at Lily, and sure enough she switched the question back to Lily, “And you?”

“Oh, I’ve tried a few things. When I lived in San Diego I did some surfing. I thought I might try that again here. I've done some trapeze and circus stuff. I noticed you have rub marks between your thumb and first finger, sort of like people get from climbing ropes.”

Makana looked at her hands and seemed surprised to find the marks Lily mentioned. “Must be from the poi balls. My hula class is adding a poi routine for a Polynesian education project. They’re little balls on ropes, and I hold them right there.” She flexed and tightened both thumbs as she said it.

Lily smiled. “I’ve seen poi balls. Some of the adults in circus classes did tricks with flaming poi balls, but they wouldn’t let anyone under eighteen work with fire.”

“Flaming poi balls,” Makana smiled, looking Lily straight in the eye for the first time. “That would be more interesting.”

 

3

Invitation

Lily was ready for her second morning at Castle High. She put on jeans and one of her Cirque shirts with a collage of images in blues and greens. It wouldn’t be like what anyone else was wearing, but Lily didn’t care anymore. She hung stylized gecko earrings from her ears and swept her hair up off her neck with a shiny alligator clip. She swung out to the kitchen to find her dad flipping pancakes and her mom sitting at the table in her office skirt and jacket.

But her mom’s chin rested on her palms as she leaned forward with her elbows on the table. That wasn’t how her mom sat. It wasn’t like her mom to sit at all on a morning when she was starting a new job. Lily came to a stop inches short of the table as she heard her sister pounding down the hall behind her.

“Hey Mom, what’s up?” Rose had never been one to beat around the bush, or to think before she spoke for that matter.

“They deleted my job.”

She looked at Lily as she said it, and Lily had no idea what to say. “I’m sorry,” she finally muttered as Mom sat up straight and then rose from her chair.

Suddenly Mom was up and opening the refrigerator, pouring juice, setting out plates. Dad put a hand on her shoulder, and she shrugged and smiled at him, but then she was moving to get napkins and silverware.

“It’s okay, Mom, we can get stuff ourselves,” Rose said.

Lily almost laughed, but her sister glared at her like she was an unsympathetic brat. Lily wanted to explain that she wasn’t laughing at their Mom, only at Rose trying to slow a flustered mom-in-motion. But by then Mom was pulling out their chairs.

“Sit down. My job fell through. With tax time coming up in April, I’ll find something soon enough. Meanwhile, you still have school.”

Dad slid two pancakes onto each of their plates, and said, “You eat too, Leanne.”

Mom ignored him and started slicing two grapefruits in half. She was the only person in the house who would cut around each little section to make it pop out into your teaspoon, but there was something very wrong about seeing her do this on what should have been a normal work day. Even when Mom’s work in some towns hadn’t started until ten a.m. she’d never been one to spend time on weekday breakfasts. She always rushed around getting herself ready or catching up on paperwork, and Dad usually left for work fairly early. But here he was, quietly flipping pancakes. His eyes kept drifting over to Mom, but he didn’t seem able to help her either.

“Here you go girls.” She gave them each half a grapefruit with a dusting of powdered sugar on top. Another pair she set at her place and Dad’s, but neither of them sat down. Then she was back at the counter unfolding the tops of two lunch bags. “Would you like me to slice some carrot sticks for your lunch? Right now, you have cherry tomatoes, grapes, and tuna salad sandwiches. I could roll up the pancakes with a little bit of peanut butter for desserts.”

Rose cringed, and Lily was glad Mom couldn’t see her. While she’d rather make her own lunch than chance most of Mom’s creations, she didn’t want Rose saying anything too blunt this morning. “Just carrots would be great.”

“Me, too,” Rose said.

Dad looked up from what was already way too many pancakes, and Lily knew the situation wasn’t going to calm down until they left. She wolfed down her pancakes while her mom peeled and sliced enough carrots for a warren full of bunnies. After she put them into bags she turned to stare at the back of Rose’s head. Rose was still intent on her grapefruit as mom said, “Rose, would you like to borrow some clips for your hair? You might be too warm with it down.”

Even Lily knew that Rose hated looking “childish” with her hair up. She always wore it down now, and it barely reached her shoulders anyway. To Rose’s credit, she managed to only say, “No thanks, Mom. I’ve got to get going.”

“Well, I could give you a ride.”

Rose was up and taking a lunch bag, “No, thanks.”

Lily took a bag also, and gave her mom a quick one armed hug. “Thanks for the grapefruit.”

“Really, it would be no trouble to drive you both.”

“It’s just a few blocks,” Lily smiled as she and Rose quickly gathered their school bags, “and look at the sun.” It was streaming in through the apartment windows. Lily felt bad about her Mom’s job falling through, but she thought she could probably enjoy the time off, if she’d stop stressing. “It’ll all be okay, Mom. See you in a bit.”

They were both out the door and trotting down the stairs. Conveniently, their mother didn’t follow after them. With any luck, she and Dad would have a nice sunny breakfast over pancakes before he left for work. And Lily knew her mom was competent. She liked her work and never had trouble finding something in a bank or tax firm, wherever they went. It wouldn’t be surprising if she lined something up by the end of the day.

Lily walked beside Rose, whose Junior High (along with five or six elementary schools) shared the same plot of land as the high school. It was only half a mile, and the sun was bright without being too warm on their backs. Lots of kids were walking to school, most in groups of friends, the younger ones sometimes with a mom. Lily smiled at the little ones and parents. She made brief eye contact with those her age who looked at her. This place felt right to her already, but Rose still seemed anxious.

“I hope Mom finds a job soon.”

“She will, and if not, you know they have plenty set aside for emergencies.”

Rose glanced over her shoulder, even though their apartment was out of sight already. “I’m not used to her hovering like that. It makes me nervous.”

Lily felt a bit sorry for her sister, even as she enjoyed the local scene. As they approached the open space around the school, it was as if Lily could smell green. Like they were all part of something natural and alive, Lily was sure her whole family would be fine here, and she tried to smile reassuringly to her sister as they split off to their separate schools. She was sorry that her mom and the rest of her family had begun the day badly, but as she cut across the grass, she breathed deeply and filled herself with assurance that everything was going to be alright.

 

The day lived up to her expectations. She remembered her locker combination on the first try and found her first room (not a class she’d had the day before) without checking the map. She introduced herself to the teacher, receiving an “aloha” and a book. As she sat down, someone across the room waved to her. It was Paula, the skinny blond girl from her volunteer group. Lily waved back and smiled.

The class was US History, and since Lily had conveniently skipped the boring start of school where teachers focused on rules and establishing dominance, the class was already acting out a debate on the Stamp Act. Paula played Patrick Henry and had to read most of her parts off index cards. Nonetheless, she had her main line memorized and delivered it well, “Caesar had his Brutus, Charles I his Cromwell, and George III—”

“Treason,” shouted another member of her group.

“George III,” continued Paula, "may profit by their example. If that be treason, make the most of it." The intense gaze she nailed her accuser with might have been good acting, or maybe she was flirting with the boy.

In a later group, the person playing James Otis overacted his character, who seemed to be delusional, and ended up throwing off his hat. It was only then that Lily recognized him as John, who’d sat next to Paula on the bus. Lily looked to see Paula’s attitude toward him in class, but at that point Paula’s group broke out of character to tell him Otis wasn’t crazy until later. John insisted that no one really knew, and Lily stopped watching and focused on doodling in the border of her note paper.

She concluded that she’d better know her stuff for this class, and that Paula probably did like John even if she was flirting with the other boy.

 

Her next class was language arts, and she ended up seated right next to Paula in the back row, by the door. Paula helped her with the format and expectations for an essay the others had already started. The assignment was a five paragraph theme, but the teacher seemed to have a lot of things she liked to see “just so,” at least according to Paula. At the end of that long slog, Paula invited Lily to join her for lunch.

First they stopped by Paula’s locker, which had a mini white board and a mirror stuck to the door. Paula applied a fresh layer of tinted lip gloss in front of the mirror before grabbing her lunch bag. Then she followed Lily to her locker, which held a pile of books with her lunch perched on top.

“Do you need to buy soda?” Paula asked.

Lily shook her head, having water in her bag.

“I guess you just moved here?” Paula led Lily toward the front of the school.

“Yeah, we move a lot for my dad’s job, but usually not in the middle of a school year.”

“Where else have you lived?”

“New Mexico, Washington state, California.”

“Not bad. Mostly sunny, at least. My dad taught in Alaska before we moved here.”

“Oh, what does he teach?”

“Marine biology, out on Coconut Island.” Paula gestured toward the center of the bay, where it was easy to see the tiny island from where the school perched on its hill. They’d come to a patch of grass with a fine view. Two other girls were sitting there already, and Paula quickly introduced them as Kelsey and Ann Marie.

They were all nice enough, and the conversation quickly fell to sorting out which music they all liked or hated and which movies they’d all seen. Risking her opinions didn’t bother Lily the way it once had, but there was a slight awkwardness when the girls discussed ringtones.

“I don’t even know where my phone is,” Lily said. “We had almost no reception where I lived in New Mexico.”

“You could get a new one,” Ann Marie smiled.

“I guess I got used to not bothering with it.” To be honest, Lily's phones never seemed to last long or work well. After a few months barely using one, Lily wasn't sure she wanted to try again.

“I couldn’t live without my phone,” Paula said with a shake of her hair, but she was kind enough to shift the conversation to TV favorites.

As the girls raved and reviewed current shows, Lily felt discomfort growing like a balloon in her stomach, crowding in on her lunch. She couldn’t help noticing that all four of them were white, and most of the people around them weren’t. Of course, she’d noticed some kids dividing up that way in other schools. Her groups had always been mixed, so she'd never felt like a group invited her because she was white. The olive notes in her skin meant she borrowed make up from those with darker skin as often as from those who looked white. But here, she felt distinctly white for the first time, maybe only ten percent of the kids in school were lighter than her, and it felt strange to sit with such a distinctive cluster of girls when they were few and far between.

She looked around at other groups eating together. There was another all girl group nearby on the grass that looked all Asian, maybe all Chinese based on words she caught that sounded Chinese to her—not that she could tell the difference between Mandarin, Cantonese, or whatever, but she couldn't help trying to figure things out. There were a bunch of rowdier kids, boys and girls, on the front steps, who seemed to represent most of the school. None of them were white or black, but Lily was sure they weren’t all of Chinese decent either. She’d never been good enough at that stuff to sort out Chinese from Japanese from Polynesian, let alone Hawaiian, but whatever mixture they included, they looked like the “majority” to Lily. Suddenly she wondered where Makana ate lunch.

“Do you know, is Makana a sophomore?” Lily was mostly asking Paula, but she realized she’d interrupted the conversation.

“I think so. I think Ling Ling and Kim probably are, too. They certainly aren’t freshmen.”

Paula and her friends didn’t act annoyed by the interruption, but the conversation didn’t start up again either. Lily decided to risk speaking her earlier thoughts to see what would happen. “I was just noticing how groups sorted out here. I’ve never been at a school where I felt conspicuous for sitting with an all white group.”

The other three shrugged, almost in unison. Kelsey looked to Paula, as if it was her job to answer.

Paula smiled but her voice was tight, “It happens that way sometimes. It’s not like we became friends because of skin color.”

“I never even thought of it before,” said Ann Marie.

“It’s more people who speak another language that kind of exclude us,” Paula said. Lily was already worried she’d killed a possible friendship, but at the same time, she was curious.

“I speak French,” Ann Marie said.

“She means home languages, like Chinese or Japanese,” Kelsey said.

“Not everyone even speaks the same Chinese. So, the Mandarin speakers mostly hang out with the Mandarin speakers, but their families still give other Chinese kids little red envelopes with money on Chinese New Year.” Paula pulled her lips tight.

“Some parent gave our whole class quarters in those envelopes back in second grade,” Ann Marie said. She was starting to squeak a bit, like she wanted to defuse the tension but was worried she’d draw Paula’s anger to herself.

“I wasn’t here then, but no one includes my family in any of the Asian or Hawaiian stuff.” Paula’s words were clipped and her cheeks were pink. She actually looked kind of pretty that way with her strawberry blond hair, and Lily wondered if people who looked attractive when angry were more likely to develop quick tempers. But she also felt sorry for Ann Marie, who didn’t seem to like discord and was now looking away from Paula’s gaze.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” said Lily. “I’m new here and was just struck by the differences.”

Ann Marie smiled and nodded at her. Paula rolled her eyes still watching Ann Marie, but the flush and tension seemed to drain from her face. Kelsey stayed focused on her lunch. She seemed to have a sandwich filled entirely with iceberg lettuce and long slices of cucumber, at least as far as Lily could see.

“Whatever. We’re going to the beach Saturday. Want to come?” Paula was smiling again.

It was the fastest loss of anger Lily had ever seen, but she kind of liked Paula for it. Still unsure what rules they were playing by, Lily went with gut instinct and said, “That would be great. Thanks.”

 

4

The Beach

It was three long days before the weekend came. Rose managed to slip out early each morning, leaving Lily to make conversation with Mom in the kitchen and then decline her offers of a ride to school. During the days, Lily tried to catch up in and organize her classes. She hung out with Paula and her friends at lunch all week. That meant she was mostly comfortable when Paula came by on Saturday morning. Of course, her mom and dad beat her to the door.

“Hello. You must be Paula. We’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Justin and this is my wife, Leanne.”

Lily sighed behind them wondering if her dad slipped into ultimate cliché mode on purpose. It might be a calculated strategy to put people at ease, because somehow it seemed to work for him. After all, he worked for the Department of Children’s Services, advising and inspecting various state programs. It was the sort of job that could have made people resent him, but he was too hokey to dislike.

Paula smiled. “Hi, yeah, this is my dad, Eric.”

The parents shook hands, and Lily was about to draw Paula aside. She was trying to think of something clever to say about parents when Rose came tromping down the stairs in her pajamas. It was eleven AM. The pajamas were pink with shiny gold anime cats.

“Wow, you really are going to the beach with friends. Had to be seen to be believed. Hi. Bye. I’m seeking breakfast.”

“That was my little sister, Rose.”

Paula’s dad smiled as if all teens behaved that way. Paula rolled her eyes conspiratorially. Lily figured it saved her from thinking of something to say, and within two minutes they were out the door. Her mom followed them out to Paula’s van, her heals clicking on the walkway as out of place as Rose’s pajamas had been. “Wear sunscreen. Stay warm.”

“Mom, it sounds like we’re going skiing.”

“But good advice,” Eric said. Both adults smiled as if they’d completed some necessary parental ritual, and Lily’s mom stood waving goodbye in her office skirt and heels, looking very un-Saturday and far from the beach.

They picked up Kelsey and Ann Marie, both of whom lived in neat suburban houses, each within two blocks of the bay. Paula controlled the music from up front and her dad let her blast them with some boy band that Lily had never heard before. There were lots of “ooooohs” and references to surfing, like Beach Boys reinvented for the twenty-first century. Lily thought it was more her sister’s kind of music than hers, but she let Ann Marie get her swaying anyway, hard to avoid with three of them in the back seat, and it was a lot of fun.

At Kualoa beach they all piled out and grabbed their own bags and some of the picnic stuff. The beach was narrow but stretched an incredibly long way in each direction. They tramped down to where steep gray cliffs reached up behind scraps of lawn and deposited their stuff in a heap.

“Wading?” Paula asked.

“It’s cold.” Kelsey was the only one wearing a sweater.

“Water’s still warm.” Paula kicked off her flip-flops, which she called slippers, and ran toward the water. Everyone else followed suit.

The water really was quite warm, but as each wave went out Lily’s feet were chilled in the breeze. She let her heels sink into the wet sand. After a couple of waves, she was ankle deep and warmer, but worried she might lose her balance after a while. Then she saw a circle of shell and stepped out of her foot holes to grab it. What had started as half a clam perhaps, had worn through from the highest point in the center until the middle two-thirds were gone. Lily stuck it on her thumb and Paula immediately came to admire it.

“Nice ring. As the tide pulls out, you can find lots of stuff down that way.”

The whole group of them sort of wandered “that way.” Kelsey crowded over by Lily and asked, “How did you get to know Paula, anyway?”

“Well, we’re both volunteering at the same children’s home.” It sounded pretty stupid, but Kelsey already knew they were in the same grade at the same school. She knew that the hundred hours of volunteer service was a graduation requirement. Was she trying to imply Lily didn’t have enough in common with the rest of them to hang out?

Not wanting to cause a total conversation confrontation, Lily asked Kelsey what sort of service work she was doing.

“I take in foster kittens that are too young for the shelter. My mom and sister are nuts for them, so I don’t have to do too much.”

Ann Marie splashed over saying, “I’m working at the hospital. I take the book cart around and make bulletin boards and file papers. I can’t really do any of the medical stuff, but I like to think I’m helping people somehow.”

“But seriously Ann Marie, you wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t required, would you?”

“Sure I would.”

“Did you before high school?” Kelsey asked.

“No, but that’s the point, to get everyone to try helping and see how it feels.”

Kelsey opened her mouth, her eyebrows up in the center for imminent sarcasm, but Paula seemed to see it, too. She said, “If it works that way for enough people, then maybe it’s worth it. I think people probably have a duty to help if they can, but a lot of times they don’t think of it.”

Lily was staying quiet. She couldn’t figure out how she felt about this threesome. Kelsey didn’t seem to like her and wasn’t very nice. Paula’s point about people having different ways they thought about volunteering, seemed most like her own thinking. Ann Marie didn’t always seem too aware of things, but she was basically nice. And aside from a few flashes of temper, Paula was a pretty friendly person with a lot of good ideas. Still, Lily felt like a bit of an imposter in their midst.

“Look, here’s a shell for you.” Paula handed her what must once have been a cone shaped spiral, but it had been worn to a slice such that it now resembled a ladder where each rung ran down at a slant. It was exactly the sort of shell Lily would have picked up if she’d spotted it. Maybe she and Paula had more in common than Lily had thought. She held the sliced spiral in her left hand and closed her fist around the shell ring on her right as they all inspected the wet sand beneath their feet for whatever the outgoing waves had left.

 

It wasn’t until after lunch that Paula suggested they play three truths and a lie. They were dry and sharing a picnic blanket, which was big enough to sit on and fold over their knees. They’d left Paula’s dad reading at a picnic table as they wandered down to a strange walled pool.

“How do you play?” Lily asked.

“You tell three truths and a lie—” Kelsey began.

“And we try to guess which one’s the lie,” Ann Marie finished. “I’ll go first. I like puppies, hay rides, kite-flying, and seashells.”

“Not kite-flying,” Paula said.

Ann Marie shook her head.

“Hay rides,” Kelsey said.

“Right! You go.”

“In my bottom dresser drawer, I have illegal fireworks. Under my pillow, I have a pocket knife. In my garage, I have a chainsaw. Behind my garden shed, I have a dead bird.”

“Not the chainsaw,” said Paula.

“Not the dead bird,” said Ann Marie.

When Kelsey still shook her head, Lily said, “Not the fireworks?”

“Not bad, only the third guess out of four. You try.”

“Okay,” but as Lily tried to think of something to say she saw a rippling in the air above the stones that lined one side of the pool. She suddenly felt very warm and pulled free of the blankets. “What is this place anyway?”

Ann Marie answered quickly, “Moli’i fishpond. They’re all around the island and must have been really well built, because they’re super old, maybe even older than the Hawaiians.”

“How can they be older than the Hawaiians? And who told you that anyway?” Kelsey asked.

Lily felt the hook-like pull starting up inside her. She didn’t know how she’d come to be standing up, but the heat surrounding her suddenly felt like embarrassment, and she ordered her feet not to move. She would not be drawn toward whatever was pulling her, not right now.

“We went on a third-grade fieldtrip to the one near Kaneohe,” Ann Marie was saying. “It’s called He’eia, and one of my teachers told us how old they are. She told us about this one too, because this whole beach was sacred to the ancient Hawaiians. They used to send royal children here, but some stories say the fishpond predated them.”

Kelsey started saying something about “goofy legends,” but Lily was already walking toward the rocks. The water here was muddy and not as inviting as the beach, but Lily was still barefoot, and she waded right in as the tiny waves lapped at her feet. The water seemed really cold now, but Lily didn’t mind. She reached out to touch the rocks, but they were only rocks. Still, her body was warm despite the cold all around her feet. It reminded her again of the unexplainable things she’d encountered in New Mexico.

Before she had time to really think, Paula called out, “Lily, what are you doing? It’s your turn.”

Lily realized how strange she must seem, walking out into the fishpond. She remembered deciding not to move her feet, but then she’d walked out here anyway, and that made her shiver. She no longer felt warm or drawn to this place. As she turned back, she saw Kelsey and Paula both shaking their heads. Ann Marie shrugged.

Lily thought as fast as she could and hurried back to sit with the others, keeping her wet feet off the blanket. “I’ve lived in San Diego, Sacramento, San Francisco, and Seattle.”

“Not San Diego,” Ann Marie said. Paula shook her head at the same time Lily did, and Lily realized she must have mentioned San Diego before. At least Paula didn’t look annoyed with her now.

“Not San Francisco?” Paula tried.

“Right.”

“Okay. I am not interested in Reggie, Gavin, John, or Tom,” Paula offered.

“Double negative. That means we're trying to guess who you are interested in,” Kelsey said, but her eyebrows probably weren’t up as a comment on that. “Gavin?”

“John!” Ann Marie squealed. Paula smiled ear to ear and everyone started to laugh. Lily thought of John sitting across from Paula on the bus, but it wasn’t as interesting to her after her strange moment of being drawn into the fishpond.

“So?” Ann Marie squealed again.

“We went to a movie last night,” and Laura began a whispered account of everything she liked about John.

 

5

Another Fishpond

 

It took Lily two weeks to find out where He’eia fishpond was and to figure a bus route that went there. On Saturday morning, she had already eaten an early breakfast and was packing a lunch to bring with her when Rose came stumbling into the kitchen.

“I’m miserable.”

“You’re always miserable in the morning.”

Rose slumped into her usual chair. “I think I have a fever.” Lily put her hand to Rose’s forehead and sure enough, she was burning up. After three weeks of Mom being up early every morning, fully made up like she was going to work, as she plied them with cinnamon toast and omelets with strange spices, why did she have to sleep in on the one day Lily had plans?

Still, Lily was reluctant to wake her up after all that. She counted to ten in her head, knowing she shouldn’t be selfish. “Do you want juice?”

Rose nodded, and Lily eventually determined by a series of thoughtful, if not sincere, inquiries that Rose only wanted juice, cantaloupe, and Jell-O. Lily served her and then glanced at her watch and her bus schedule. If she didn’t leave soon, she’d have to wait another two hours for the next Saturday bus that went close to He’eia. She tiptoed down the hall to her parents’ door but didn’t hear any signs of waking.

She looked at her little sister who didn’t look nearly as miserable now that she was eating. “Look, I told Mom I had to leave early this morning. Do you want me to wake her up so they know you’re sick before I go?”

“No, thank you.” Rose said it with certainty bordering on vehemence. “I’ll go back to sleep when I finish this, which will be a lot easier without anyone fussing over me.”

“Are you sure?” Lily asked, feeling guilty but relieved.

“Definitely.”

Lily squeezed her sister’s shoulder with the first honest good will she’d felt all morning. Then she washed her hands in the sink before picking up her own supplies and hurrying for the bus.

 

A couple hours later, Lily sat with her homework by the old pond. It wasn’t much to look at, even though there were intact stone walls completely surrounding an area about twenty feet across. The water here was even murkier than by the bright sand beach in Kualoa. Lily didn’t really feel like wading in to touch the wall. Finding a certain comfort in uncertainty, she sat in the park on a bluff above the water, at a solitary picnic table.

The view was nice. She was almost all the way at one end of Kaneohe Bay, and she could look out at Coconut Island with the calm waters and shore of the bay spread out behind it. There was a little wind out here, but Lily found it soothing. She wasn’t cold yet, though clouds had blocked the sun for most of the morning. There was a windbreaker that could double as a raincoat in her backpack and enough food to serve for lunch and snacks. She’d come prepared to spend the day, but right now, she wasn’t sure why.

She ate her lunch and did some homework. Switching schools frequently had taught Lily a number of tricks for staying on top of whatever workload she encountered. Finally, she was bored enough and warm enough. She slipped off her sandals and made her way down to the water. It wasn’t far, and a sort of path led across and down the little bluff. Lily managed to touch the rocks that formed the fishpond’s round wall without getting wet. She felt nothing unusual. The wall was wide and intact enough that she decided to walk out onto it. The water was warm and inviting, the old stones sturdy and flat. Her toes flexed comfortably into niches in the rocks as she was drawn forward.

Only when she was ten feet from the shore did she realize someone was watching her. Someone was up in the park where Lily had left her backpack and all her stuff. As she turned around to look, she felt suddenly foolish. The wall seemed slippery and insecure beneath her feet. Her toes could barely grip, and the ocean splashed cold around her calves.

Then she saw it was Makana, and somehow she didn’t fall into the fishpond. Not quite. But the warmth through her legs was gone, and the wall didn’t look as safe as wide a moment before. The wall of the ancient fishpond seemed to have aged in the moment of her distraction.

Makana climbed down the path toward her.

Lily picked her way back along the jagged wall to the shore. If she let them, her toes still found niches in the stones to steady her. Back safely on dry land, her calves felt unexpected cold. Makana met her on the beach and said, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“You didn’t. I just—It might be the place.”

Makana smiled. “What are you doing here? Or out there more specifically.”

“It’s hard to explain.” She didn’t know why she was trying, but she felt an odd connection to Makana. “In New Mexico I had some strange experiences. Something about the fishpond at Kualoa reminded me of them. I thought I should come here. But I don’t know. It isn’t really the same. It’s all probably silly.”

“Da kine. My mom’s in that building realigning someone’s aura. So, who knows?”

Lily wasn’t sure for a moment whether Makana was joking, but her voice hadn’t risen and her lips didn’t even twitch with a smile. “Really?”

“Yeah. But I don’t tell just anyone. You usually have to learn it on the street.” Makana had a thin purple and green silk scarf around her neck, and as she played with the ends it jangled. Metal beads were sewn into the fringe, which wasn’t the sort of thing Makana wore on school days.

“Did she make you come with her?”

Makana nodded. “She thinks her work goes better when I’m along, but only for daytime stuff, never at night.”

“Your mom aligns auras for a living?”

“Auras, spiritual guidance, skilled nursing, feng shui. Whatever people want to call it, as long as someone will pay.”

They walked back to Lily’s pack and had a clear view of the small stone park building where Makana’s mom was allegedly working. “Why there?”

Makana looked at her like she should know, but she didn’t actually say anything. Lily wondered if Makana was implying there was something magical about the fishponds, but neither of them wanted to come right out and say it.

“I should go in,” Makana said.

“Could I come too?”

“Better not. But I’m glad I saw you.”

Makana went to help her mother, and Lily sat back down with her homework. Had something strange just happened? In New Mexico, Lily had felt heat sometimes when she was around something old, something that people might call magic. Here, today, she hadn’t noticed unusual heat, though out on the old stone wall the water hadn't felt cold until Makana interrupted. Had there been something drawing Lily out onto the wall or almost making her fall afterward? The day she’d met Jen in New Mexico, she’d almost fallen from a bridge but this was different. For a while, the wall had looked wider and felt sturdier. She'd once been told there could be power in moments when people met, but this wasn't her first meeting with Makana. It felt like a different sort of meeting though.

Part of Lily wanted to believe she was being silly. She could be reading strangeness into this place because it was old and mysterious. Perhaps the person having her aura aligned read her own theories into this spot as well. It didn’t prove anything, only that people’s brains worked that way.

Still, Lily felt better as she settled back into her homework. Maybe it was because she’d met Makana here and shared an interesting moment, but she felt no desire to leave. When she’d finished all her work, she still didn’t want to go. She wrote a letter to Xavier, the one person still in New Mexico who wouldn’t laugh if she wrote about magic or if she sent an actual letter. She told him all about the old fishponds, and how she’d almost fallen when she realized someone was watching her. She told him about Makana, their conversation that day and what she’d seen the first day at the children’s center.

Lily was finally running out of things to write when Makana and her mother came out of the squat stone building. They walked with a woman whose long blond hair streamed down her back. The woman wore a loose flowered dress that Lily thought was sold mostly to tourists, but she walked over to a banged-up station wagon with a Hawaiian rainbow on the license plate. Makana and her mom headed over toward Lily.

“Want a ride home?” Makana called across the park.

“Sure,” Lily said, as she hastily put her letter away inside her backpack.

“Hi, I’m Makana’s mom, Leilani.” Leilani shook Lily’s hand and held it for a moment, and Lily could have sworn she felt some of the strange New Mexico warmth she’d felt with Jen. She stared at Leilani, but saw no resemblance to Jen or the photos of other disappeared people in New Mexico. Instead, she realized Makana’s mom was all or partly Hawaiian. How could that be so easy to spot when Makana's features seemed so unique? Leilani looked like someone on a hula poster, but dressed more like a stylish gypsy. Her ankle length indigo dress hung loosely from her shoulders but still complimented her figure. She wore several light scarves with beaded fringe like Makana’s and also several beaded necklaces and large hoop earrings.

“Glad to meet you,” Lily said, and she meant it.

For the ride home, Makana rode beside Lily in the back of an old jeep. They didn’t talk much. Lily had plenty of time to observe Makana beside her and her mother in front. She could almost visualize Makana’s father, who she guessed must be darker skinned, and probably tall and thin. It was as if she could imagine which features would fit with Leilani’s to create Makana, but she couldn't remember ever studying another person's face that way. Beneath her busy little thoughts, Lily felt a growing curiosity about the work Leilani did, that she said Makana helped with. Lily wondered if Leilani might have felt anything strange when they shook hands or if this was silly after all.

All she managed to ask on the drive was, “Have you lived in Kaneohe long?”

“A couple years,” was all Makana said.

 

6

Monday

 

Two days after seeing Makana at the fishpond, Lily went to meet the children’s center van with some anticipation. She and Makana had been stuck at the chit chat phase, and that only when Lily started the conversation. But Lily was now certain Makana was worth getting to know, and since their chance meeting on Saturday, Lily was determined to build the friendship.

The sky was smudgy gray as Lily walked by the front of the school, Kaneohe Bay surged in mock black-and-white. There was no more strangeness with the grass. Paula stood at the curb with both hands on her skirt, keeping it decent in the wind. She’d been wearing skirts more and more as she and John became an item. Lily had to admit she looked attractive with her wind tossed hair and her skirt floating up like an old picture of Marilyn Monroe. Had that been old enough to be black-and-white? Lily couldn’t remember, but Paula was all in white with tinted lip gloss supplying her strongest piece of color. She really did look like a touched up old photograph.

Ling Ling and Kim were waiting, too. They all said “hi” right before the van arrived. Mrs. Mao came out to meet them as John ran up. He gave Paula a quick raise of the eyebrows that could have prefaced a kiss, but he didn’t dare in front of Mrs. Mao, who greeted them each by name as they entered the van.

John and Paula still sat in front, and Ling Ling and Kim in back. Lily took the single seat opposite the door as she had since the second week. This put her right behind Paula, who sometimes talked to her or included her in conversations with John. It was usually also the seat in front of Makana, but she hadn’t shown up today.

Mrs. Mao stood by the open door. The corners of her mouth sank down into wrinkles like a history of waiting. When Makana came out of the school's front door, she walked briskly to the van but did not run. Mrs. Mao only smiled and said, “Good to see you, Makana.”

“Good to see you, Mrs. Mao.” Makana said it with a nod of her head but without really looking at the woman. Then she climbed into her usual seat and pulled out a spiral notebook.

Lily twisted around in her seat, and asked, “What happened?”

“Nothing.” Makana said it flatly, as if she didn’t even know why anyone would think something happened.

“But why were you late?”

“Just the time I got here.”

With that, Makana hunched over and started writing frantically in her book. Lily faced forward again. Paula and John drew her into a conversation on school sports, about which she knew nothing.

 

When they arrived at the children’s home, Mrs. Mao asked them to wait in the entry room. She came back after a moment saying, “Mrs. Grady has your new area assignments.”

Sure enough, Sharon Grady trailed her down the hall holding a printed piece of paper. “Let’s see,” she peered at the paper in front of her as if she was struggling to see it. Her polyester pantsuit was a pale green today. “Ling-Ling and Kim will be in the study room. Makana and Lily will be outside.”

Makana headed down the hall to the right before Mrs. Grady even finished assigning Paula and John. Lily followed, not wanting to get lost and not having any idea what they were supposed to do. But as they passed in front of Mrs. Grady’s open office door, Makana said, “Out the end of the hall and to your left. I’ll be there in a minute.” When Lily hesitated she said, “Go!”

Lily went. She glanced back to see Makana duck into Mrs. Grady's office, but Lily continued out the door at the end of the hall. Outside she turned left and walked behind the building to find a large grassy area. In front of her was a small play structure, which no one was using. Farther back, she could see the garden where Max had run his laps. Four kids played volleyball at a droopy net, and a few older ones stood talking on the back patio.

Not too far from the garden, some young children, maybe Max’s age, were digging in the mud with sticks and hands. An adult, someone Lily had seen around the center before, stood near the digging children and waved at Lily as she stood looking. The woman was short and stocky, with features like Mrs. Mao and black hair that streamed almost to her knees. Lily was starting to walk toward her when she heard Makana’s steps crunching on leaves behind her.

Lily waited and asked, “What was that all about?”

“Oh, just getting some information. I’ll show you later if you want.” She said it in the same tone as she’d said “nothing” on the bus, but Lily couldn’t help being curious.

 

It was only when the woman with the hair down her back stepped inside later on that Makana went to lean against a tree and pulled her backpack open in front of her. She took out a large Ziploc bag with an inch thick pile of papers inside. When Makana started ruffling through them, Lily saw they were “Emergency Health Information” forms.

Makana scanned down the first one and moved it to the back. She continued down about ten pages and then pulled out her spiral notebook. Opening it from the back she jotted down, “Jeffrey Aguon – seizures.” Then she moved Jeffrey’s paper to the back and continued.

“What are you doing?” Lily asked.

“Making a list of possibly relevant conditions.”

“Relevant for what?”

Makana looked at her sideways for a moment, then went back to her sorting. “A sort of science project. If you really want to know, I might tell you sometime.”

As she stopped to write another note, “Koa West – red/green color blind,” Lily couldn’t help but ask, “Are you supposed to have those?”

“Don’t you think we should know in case of emergency? I mean, right now, there’s no adult actually out here with us.”

Lily could almost see that as a valid argument, never mind that there was probably required to be an adult out with the children. She knew things didn’t always work that way.

“But where did you get those from?”

“The emergency backpack in the supervisor’s office.”

“What if there was an emergency?”

“In the time I have the papers?”

“There were two fire alarms in one month at my old school.” Lily did not feel required to mention that she’d pulled one of them.

“I’d be more likely to get out with the forms than Mrs. Grady would.”

“But you’d get in trouble.”

“Been there.”

Lily would have distanced herself from Makana at this point if she were still the Lily she’d been last summer. Even when she’d been less than straight-laced herself, she’d seen keeping away from trouble as a survival skill. But in New Mexico she’d been labeled a “bad girl.” She’d pulled a fire alarm and gotten suspended. She’d sneaked a look at her father’s confidential papers. There were probably better ways she could have handled both situations, but if she hadn’t done anything at all, she would have missed unraveling the mystery she was caught up in there. While Lily wasn’t sure Makana was working on a mystery, there was something familiar in the way she flipped through the papers. Lily stayed and watched, realizing the position of her body would keep people inside from seeing what went on.

At the end, Makana had six kids on her list. She tucked the resealed bag of papers into her backpack and pulled away from the tree.

“So?” Lily asked.

“So, now we wait to return them. I wouldn’t want to leave these kids completely unsupervised.” Makana started walking toward some kids playing in the dirt.

Lily hurried after her. “Wait. I thought you were going to explain.”

Makana sized her up as they walked. Her forehead tightened to form little wrinkles. Finally she said, “I’m pretty sure I said I ‘might’ explain, but it’s not something I can just tell you. Give me a couple of weeks.”

“Makana, you’re asking me to keep secret that you have files you aren’t supposed to and that you copied information about some of the kids here. That’s a big deal.”

Makana stopped and looked directly at Lily, “Maybe what you’re waiting to see is a bigger deal. Maybe I shouldn’t even tell you at all.”

Makana looked sincere. Lily wanted to trust her, but she was also scared. If Lily were a ‘hit and ask later” sort of person, she might have shaken the information out of Makana. But Lily knew she wasn’t that sort of person and wasn’t even sure that would work. What was Makana up to, and what was the big secret? How could Lily know the secret was safe to keep if she didn’t know what it was? She thought about conversations she’d heard regarding her dad’s social services work. “Will waiting two weeks endanger anyone physically or emotionally?”

“No!” Makana started to laugh like Lily’s question was the funniest thing she’d heard all day, and maybe it was. Lily figured she must have been off on entirely the wrong track and asking about endangering people must sound really weird. She and Makana went and talked to the kids making a “worm amusement park” until the woman who had been outside before came back.

As the small, long-haired woman made her way around a creatively drawn hopscotch game, Makana and Lily met her not far from the rear door of the center.

“We need to go in for a moment,” Makana said.

“Anything wrong?” the woman asked.

“Just female stuff,” Makana whispered.

The lie worked well. It made Lily worry all over again about trusting Makana. But before she had time to think, they were down the side hallway and knocking at Mrs. Grady’s door.

“Come in!”

They entered and Makana said, “Sorry to bother you, but do you know if Lily’s hours are getting registered at the school?”

Mrs. Grady looked from Makana to Lily. Then she said, “Is there a reason they wouldn’t be?”

“Well, Mrs. Mao said she didn’t have the paperwork at first. And she never told Lily if she’d gotten it.”

“Shouldn’t you be asking Mrs. Mao then?”

“We figured you’re the supervisor. You could check the log sheets where all that gets recorded.”

“Those are up in the front file cabinets.”

“I could get them for you if you want.” Makana looked a little too eager to please, and Lily wondered if this was a strategy to collect more information.

Ms. Grady let out a sigh and pushed herself up. “No, no. They’re locked. You two wait here, and I’ll go check.”

As soon as the old woman shuffled out, Makana was up and unzipping a red backpack with a white cross on the front. The backpack hung from a hook on the wall, and Makana had it unzipped, papers inside, and zipped closed while Lily could still hear Mrs. Grady shuffling away down the hall. Then Makana leaned behind the big desk and opened the bottom right drawer. She reached way to the back and pulled up a bottle of brandy.

Lily’s jaw dropped open. What was Makana up to now? She couldn’t hear Mrs. Grady’s footsteps anymore, but what if she or another staff person came in while Makana had that bottle out? And what did this have to do with the papers Makana had looked through? Lily had been ready not to tell about the papers, but after watching Makana lie and now this, she wasn’t sure what she ought to do.

Makana put the bottle back and closed the drawer. She was in her seat before they even heard Mrs. Grady returning.

“Found it!” Their supervisor smiled at them from the door, clearly proud to have everything under control. “It’s all as it should be, see?”

Mrs. Grady passed Lily a paper with her identifying information and all the hours she’d come in November. Eight hours including today. Lily was momentarily pleased; then she remembered that she hadn’t even wondered about this piece of bureaucracy until it became part of Makana’s scheme.

“Thank you for checking,” Lily said.

“No, problem dear,” Mrs. Grady smiled at her.

“I guess we should get back to work now. Thanks a lot,” said Makana.

As they headed back out, Lily heard Mrs. Grady pacing down the hall to refile the paper. Lily felt more than a little guilty. As they stepped outside she said, “Are you going to tell me what that was about?”

Makana said, “Maybe.”

"Works for me."

Lily didn’t ask any more questions that shift, though her mind spun round and round. Makana seemed to be off in her own world, but when the bus dropped them back at school, Makana asked, “Want to walk together?”

“Sure, I live that way.” She pointed vaguely forward and to the left.

They walked mostly in silence, but it made Lily feel better about all that had happened, like it was part of the friendship she wanted to build. Bad as it might be for Makana to look at those papers, Lily couldn’t believe it was for a bad reason. Certainly she could wait a couple weeks as Makana had asked. In front of the apartments, they said goodbye. Lily wanted to hug Makana to show everything was okay, but she thought it might seem a little odd. By the time she’d climbed the steps to reach her door, Makana was across the street, but she looked up and waved before Lily went in.

7

Sleepless Nights

 

That night, Lily could not go to sleep. She hadn’t told her family a word about Makana stealing records, but it had been in her mind all through dinner. Now she lay awake imagining conversations she might have had.

If she’d told her dad, “The girl I volunteer with sneaked a look at some health records today,” he would have turned to face her, serious and waiting. Then she could have told how Makana copied down names and medical problems for some of the kids.

“Do you know why?” her dad would ask. But she didn’t know. Makana had mentioned a science project and finding out in two weeks. Was she going to take her list to an herbalist and bring the kids folk remedies? But someone at the center would be sure to notice that. Could any of them be something small or tasteless that Makana might slip into their food? That could be dangerous, especially if a child was allergic or the herbalist didn’t know the treatment was intended for a small child.

Could Makana mean to sell the information? But who would buy it? The kids’ medical problems might be confidential, but someone could probably learn most of them through casual chats with the staff or even the kids themselves.

The most likely answer was that Makana and her mom would try to realign the auras (or whatever) of the children, which would probably be harmless. Makana had said whatever she was doing wouldn’t hurt anyone. Lily wondered if she could trust Makana’s judgment.

Maybe she could peek inside the notebook Makana was always writing in. She’d written the children’s names and conditions on one page. What was on the others? Did she explain her plans there?

Lily thought for a long time about “borrowing” Makana’s notebook. If turn about was fair play (an expression her dad used sometimes), then she wouldn’t be doing any worse by Makana than Makana had done to Mrs. Grady when she took the records. But the notebook also seemed a bit like a diary, and even if it wasn’t, Makana hadn’t offered to show her more than the page of kids’ names. Snooping in friends’ stuff wasn’t something Lily could justify. Either Makana wasn’t her friend and couldn’t be trusted, in which case Lily should tell her dad everything, or Lily would have to wait and see.

 

Lily tried to find Makana the next day at lunch. She walked around the grassy areas where no one looked twice at her. She looped behind the gym, where kids in black and grey sweatshirts with greasy hair were probably doing the same stuff they did at every school. A few of them gave her none of your business glares, but nothing really threatening.

Realizing this might take a while, she stopped to unwrap her tuna sandwich to nibble on while she searched. Systematically, she strolled by the windows of every room. In some, teachers worked quietly at their desks. In others, students ate in the classrooms with minimal teacher interaction. Some groups were biased by clothing style or race. A couple of rooms housed organized clubs meeting, and Lily realized she’d missed the part of the year when such groups recruited, and she hadn’t considered joining anything here. Her most recent major activity had been circus, but there was no place to permanently set up the rig while they were staying in an apartment. They hadn’t shipped their furniture or much of their larger stuff. The portable trapeze rig and her bike, which she’d used a lot in New Mexico, were stuck in long term storage. Maybe she should be looking for something new, but through the windows, neither of the organized clubs she saw caught her interest. They were both just kids sitting around talking. The only difference was that one group had pizza.

She didn’t find Makana, but with acres of land around this school, there was no way to fully search. As she finished her sandwich, she walked thought the library, imagining Makana scribbling away in some little cubby, but she had no such luck.

When she headed back out to the grassy area in front, she saw Ann Marie eating alone. Feeling slightly guilty, she walked over and joined her.

“Hey, where is everyone?”

Ann Marie shrugged. “You know how it goes. Paula’s off with John. Kelsey has lots of activities. I’m mostly glad it’s not raining.”

Paula looked toward the bay. There were clouds, but nothing that looked dark or worrying. She sat with Ann Marie and tried not to think about Makana.

 

But that night, she still had trouble sleeping. She wasted some time on the web trying to read up on poi balls. The instructions for making a practice set out of newspaper and garbage bags were easy, so she did. She squished four wads of paper, surrounded them with plastic, and tied each pair to opposite ends of a string.

It was nice to have the apartment to herself, or at least quiet around her, with everyone else asleep. Rose had been sick since Saturday, and mom was clearly wearing herself out with worrying and fussing over her. That, and Mom still hadn’t found a job, which meant she needed to put her energy into something. Rose had started out very upset about all the fussing, but lately she slept a lot. Dad had probably been pretty stressed too, but Lily felt strangely distant, like a helium balloon that hovered nearby. Her family could keep her close by pulling on the string, but she couldn’t sit down beside them. She kept floating away.

She took the practice poi balls back to her room and tried a couple of basic spins. She could make both sides loop either clockwise or counterclockwise, as long as they both went the same direction and stayed on opposite sides of her body. If she tried anything in front or with the balls crossing, they tangled and hit her in the face. After a while, she dug out her juggling stuff from circus days. Her room was definitely too small for juggling clubs, but she still had shiny metal balls for contact juggling. She started rolling two of them in circles in her right hand and managed to work her way up to four. It was nothing like what the goblin king managed in Labyrinth, the movie that first drew attention to contact juggling, but it was the best that Lily could do.

When one metal ball hit the floor with a clunk, Lily realized she’d been practicing with her eyes closed and the clock read “2:00 AM.” She put her contact juggling things with the poi balls on her nightstand and fell asleep almost at once.

 

On Monday, Lily was distracted all day with waiting to talk to Makana. After being relieved to see her arrive at the bus on time, she wasn’t surprised when Makana spent the drive out to Lokahi Children’s Home writing, without saying more than “hello” to anyone. That was normal for Makana. The rest of the bus seemed unusually quiet.

Paula and John sat in their usual seats, but didn’t say much. Paula asked about John’s day and he answered, “Nothing special.”

Paula asked, “A lot of homework still?” but John only shrugged.

Paula looked out the window with her head high and chin up, but Lily thought her eyes looked a little glassy. It was raining outside. The light was uneven. The sounds of rain, the van motor, and Ling Ling whispering to Kim in back made Lily feel she could speak softly to Paula without others hearing.

“Having a rough day?”

“Not especially,” Paula answered, but then her face softened and she turned half around to face Lily, “Well, maybe.”

“Stuff happen at school?”

“I had PE before lunch, which is always annoying. Then after hurrying to meet someone,” she gave a meaningful flick of the eyes toward John, “He was late and grumpy. Both of my classes after that introduced big projects that will hang over the holidays.”

Lily wondered how Paula could be worrying about Winter break when they’d barely passed Thanksgiving, but she said, “That sucks, and we already have the group literature projects.”

“Stop, my brain will explode.” Paula put her hands to her head and pretended to push it back and forth. Maybe it wasn’t cheerful behavior, but she seemed less tense than before. Lily went ahead and asked how Paula’s lit group was doing for the class they’d have together the next day.

 

When Lily finally got outside with Manaka, her anxiety had decreased to background noise. Since it was raining, they stayed on the covered patio. The long-haired woman from last time was out with an umbrella where some little kids dug in the mud. She smiled at Makana and Lily, evidently not expecting them to venture out.

A couple of kids were playing hopscotch to one side of the patio, and two others had brought books outside and were sharing a hammock while they read. Then two boys tore through the sliding glass doors and raced out into the rain. They ran around the garden and slid down a wet slide on the little play structure. As they chased each other back to the patio, Makana moved to block the back door.

“Shoes off, or you’ll leave a trail of puddles.”

One boy, probably ten or eleven years old, said, “So?” It was clear he already knew better and was testing Makana's authority.

“Sooooo, you’d like lessons in using a mop?” Makana's hands on her hips pose could only look stern to a child, but that was her audience.

“No, thanks,” he said, pushing back wet, dark hair, as if he had nothing else to do. After a moment, he bent to unlace his shoes and the slightly smaller boy with him did the same.

“Either of you know where Koa West is?” Makana asked.

“Probably in his room,” the smaller boy answered.

“Could you ask him to come out here for me?”

The boy didn’t even look up, “Sure.”

He left his shoes by the door, and he and his friend headed inside.

A few minutes later, a boy of similar size, but with a chubby face that made him look even younger, came out on the patio. He paused in the doorway to look at the rain. It was coming down loud and heavy, the sound even louder on the plastic roof of the patio.

The boy looked over to Lily and Makana and then focused on Makana as he asked, “Are you the one who wanted to see me?”

“Yes, you’re Koa, right? Do you like games?” Makana seemed very comfortable, moving over to an empty picnic table and setting her backpack on a bench.

Lily felt a lump rise in her throat. She’d told herself all week that Makana wouldn’t do anything bad, but seeing her with the other boys and now Koa made Lily worry. The kids treated them almost like grown-ups, like teachers or others who worked here. Even if whatever Makana tried was harmless, she was taking advantage of her volunteer position, and Lily knew she would be partly responsible for whatever happened.

Koa paused, obviously wondering why he’d been summoned and asked about games, but he didn’t seem to see anything wrong with it. “I like Battleship,” he said.

“Well, I have a game I made that I’d like you to try,”

“Is this some boring school thing?”

“It’s not boring. It’s part of a project I’m working on.” The boy looked unconvinced. “Tell you what, if you play my game once, I’ll play Battleship with you for as long as you want.”

Koa smiled. It was clear he planned to be playing Battleship all afternoon. He sat down on the bench, and Makana unfolded a manila folder game board in front of him. It had fourteen squares, each with a letter or symbol drawn in black. Makana handed him a set of cards and said, “All you have to do is match the symbols, and I’ll time you.”

“Now?” he asked.

“Now,” Makana said, glancing at her watch and holding a pen over her notebook. Makana tilted the notebook to show Lily the duplicate gameboard drawn inside.

Koa turned over the first card, and it showed a bunch of colored dots. Lily could see the letter “E” in the pattern, but Koa placed it on a black “F” on the gameboard. Makana lightly shaded in the “F” square in her notebook.

The next card showed a six-pointed star, and Koa place it correctly. Lily noted that it had more colors of dots than the first card had. This was obviously some sort of color vision test, and Lily remembered that one of the kids on Makana’s list was supposed to be color blind. She wondered how long it would take the boy to realize. He had to be at least eight or nine, and if he knew he was color blind, this game would seem pretty obvious. What if he asked how Makana found out? What if he got mad and complained to the staff?

Lily stood silently watching Koa place cards and Makana mark responses in her notebook. It finished with Makana announcing, “Twenty-three seconds.”

“Is that good?” Koa asked.

“Very good,” Makana said as she closed her notebook and started cleaning up the cards.

“Did you want me to do this because I’m color blind?” He asked the same as he had about the time, but Lily tensed all over.

“I’d heard you were a little color blind, but I wanted to try this with lots of different people.” Makana smiled and put the game away in her pack as she said it, but Lily wasn’t sure either of them took a breath in the next few moments.

“Can we play Battleship now?”

Makana smiled for real this time. “Sure, can you bring the game out here?”

As Koa slipped back inside, Lily moved close to Makana and whispered, “What are you up to?”

“You have to give me two weeks. It's only been one.”

“I don’t like this. I feel like I’m covering for something without knowing what’s involved.”

“Well, you are.” Makana looked like a cat who’d swallowed a really big canary.

Lily felt anger rise to form a lump in her throat. If Makana was going to gloat about manipulating her, then she definitely couldn’t be trusted. “If you won’t explain, then I’m going to have to tell someone.”

“Then you’ll never find out.”

“And I won’t spend all week worrying.”

Makana’s face suddenly fell. “I told you it wouldn’t hurt anyone. What if next week Koa gets all the cards right?”

Lily knew that wasn’t possible, and she didn’t think color blindness was a bad enough problem to justify any degree of risk. But she wanted to know what Makana was up to. She wanted it all to make sense. “What are you going to do between now and then?”

“Just play a few games of Battleship.”

“Is that supposed to fix his aura or something?”

“Dunno, but I promise that’s all I’m going to do.”

Lily stood, trying to think of something useful to say, until Koa came back with the Battleship game. Lily watched as the two set up boats and tried to find and sink each other’s. They were well into their second game before Paula came out crying.

Lily rushed over to her. “What’s wrong?” she asked, putting her arm around Paula’s shoulders. Paula gasped and made another whimpering sound. Her shoulders shook under her fuzzy light blue sweater. The kids on the patio, including Koa, were all staring. Makana was looking out into the rain and Lily followed her gaze to see the woman with the umbrella hurrying toward them.

“I found John in a bedroom with Ling Ling.”

The staff woman arrived in time to overhear and asked sharply, “What were they doing?”

“Holding hands.” Paula said it with force, but the staff person shook her head.

“Is that all?”

“He’s supposed to be my boyfriend. But he’s been avoiding me all week. I bet he’s been sneaking off to see her.” Paula spat the final words out.

“I think we’d better go speak with those involved,” said the woman, and a young girl who’d been playing hopscotch nodded as if to say she knew it.

Paula was ushered away still sniffling. Lily would have loved to hear Makana’s reaction, but she merely called out her next coordinates for the game. Lily went over to the hopscotch girls and asked if they’d like to play another game.

That afternoon on the bus, John sat in the seat in front of Ling Ling and across from Makana. No one spoke at all.

 

8

Sick

 

By Friday Lily had caught Rose’s fever. Rose had already been to the doctor who declared it a virus best treated by bed rest. Lily lounged on the sofa in the living room watching TV. Mom mostly kept busy with some project that involved lots of colorful fliers, fancy hole punches, stickers, and envelopes. Around noon she bustled in with soup in a black ceramic mug and handed it to Lily.

“Thanks.”

Lily sipped the soup, which was chicken broth with rice and a little too much parsley. Mom sat by her feet at the end of the sofa and waited for a commercial. Lily didn’t care about the show she was watching, some soap opera where the characters were all old and nasty, but she let her mom wait, because she didn’t know what to say.

When and ad came on, Mom hit the mute button and asked, “Do you want me to visit your school for missed work?”

“It’s okay. Most of my teachers don’t give homework over the weekend, and I know enough about all my long-term stuff.”

“Are you sure? Your sister’s been out for two weeks, and it’s gotten worse. If you don’t get something done now, you could be really behind by the time you’re up to studying again.”

Lily thought she could use a day of watching TV. “Maybe if I rest I’ll get better faster. I might be back at school by Monday.”

Mom shook her head.

Lily’s head was beginning to throb and her throat felt swollen, right at the top by her jaw. “I don’t think I’m up to talking, Mom.”

“I’ll get you some orange juice.”

She was gone in a flash, and of course, she forgot to un-mute the TV. Lily carefully reached for the remote, trying not to spill her soup.

By Monday she didn’t even feel like going downstairs to watch TV.

 

Enough light glowed through the closed blinds to tell Lily it was still daytime when someone knocked on her bedroom door. She’d been asleep all day. “Yeah?” she said.

Makana came in and shut the door behind her. Lily thought it might be a dream, but then she saw it was five o’clock and realized Makana would have missed her at the Children’s Home that day. She might have wanted to tell her about the secret project now that two weeks had passed. Lily pushed herself up on her pillows. She felt a little self-conscious in her oversized tee shirt with no bra underneath, but then she switched to worrying about germs.

“Hey, Makana, it’s nice of you to visit, but I don’t want you to catch anything.”

“I won’t.” Makana smiled like the grim reaper, dressed all in black. She came forward and put her palm on Lily’s forehead. Makana’s hand felt warm. Lily wondered how she could even feel a fever. The warmth seemed to weigh Lily down into her pillows, and she wondered if she was falling back asleep.

She started to say how surprised she was that her mom had let Makana visit when Lily was supposedly contagious. She thought Makana replied about handing her mom some fruit and saying she’d only stay a minute. But Makana wouldn’t have been carrying fruit if she was walking home after volunteering, and wouldn’t Mom have come with Makana to show her which room? Or had she? Lily found herself not talking and wondered if she’d ever begun the conversation or merely imagined the whole thing. She opened her eyes to see Makana still standing, removing her hand from Lily’s forehead.

Makana turned away, picking up a framed family photo from Lily’s desk. “Is this your sister?”

“Yeah, that’s Rose.” Lily found she had sunken all the way flat in bed again. She was able to push herself up to sitting and arrange the sheets to make herself feel less exposed in her tee shirt.

“And she’s sick, too?”

“Yeah.”

“For how long?”

“Longer than me. Since the day we met at the fish pond.” Makana nodded, setting down the photo.

“I wonder if she’d let me interview her for a social studies project. I think her door was open as I came in.”

With that. Makana left Lily’s room and closed the door behind her. Lily heard a latch sound that could have been Rose’s door either opening or closing. Suddenly, Lily felt more than well enough to get out of bed, and she had to know what Makana was doing with her sister.

She opened her bedroom door as quietly as possible and slipped out into the hall. Rose’s door was closed now, but she could hear Makana talking behind it.

“… A project about where people come from, and I need to ask people of different ages.”

Rose’s reply was too soft to hear. Lily crept forward to put her ear to her sister’s door.

“And where did you come here from?” Makana asked.

“New Mexico and before that Washington State. Do you need more?”

“If you want.”

“Not really.” Rose sounded tired. It was as if she was only half awake. Lily wondered if Makana had her hand on Rose’s forehead.

“What about this place seemed the strangest since you moved here?”

“Peanut butter sushi. And Spam sushi.”

Lily gagged, quietly. She wondered where her sister had run into such foods and if they were common or confined to one kid’s lunch. She couldn’t think what she’d say if Makana asked her the same question. Would she dare to say “you”?

“What do you think of the people here?”

“I don’t really know anyone yet.”

“Not anyone?”

There was a long pause during which Lily didn’t hear anything. She thought her sister might have fallen asleep and wondered if she’d have time to get away from the door before Makana came out. Maybe she should tiptoe back to her room now, to play it safe. But then she heard Makana say, “Isn’t there a boy you walk to school with?”

Long silence. “Does my sister know?”

“Doubt it. I saw you, and I know him. Wasn’t he sick before you?”

“Maybe a little, but not like me.”

“You don’t think you caught it from him?”

“No, this is something strange.”

“Strange how?”

“I don’t know, but I’m feeling better now.”

That was the first Lily had heard about Rose feeling better, but she also heard the floor creak. She hurried off to her room. She definitely wouldn’t want to be caught listening after that.

Back in bed, she thought it would be easy to seem out of it, but Lily felt more awake than she had for days. Was it knowing that Rose had a boyfriend? No, there was definitely something weird going on with Makana. Why had she wanted to see Rose? Lily would bet dollars to donuts that the social studies project was a sham. It sounded too much like the supposed science project at the children’s home. What did Makana believe she could do, heal people?

Lily had to wonder if she half believed it, too. She was certainly feeling a lot better now. And she’d seen Max claim he was better after spending time with Makana. Wasn’t that how faith healing worked? If someone believed you could make them better, couldn’t that be enough to let the body heal itself sometimes? Had Lily believed when Makana showed up that she’d come to heal her? Or was it chance?

Or was it something else? Could she have stumbled across real magic twice?

Of course, faith healing was only supposed to work if the person being healed knew to believe in it. If Makana was trying to heal Rose, she’d have to make Rose believe in it somehow, wouldn’t she? Lily climbed out of bed again, ready to chance listening at her sister’s door. But when she opened her own, Makana was standing there about to turn the knob.

“You’re back!”

“I finished interviewing your sister.”

“I didn’t know you were still here.”

“Sure you did.”

Lily didn’t know what to say to that. She turned around and climbed back into bed.

Makana stepped in, shutting the door again, but then went to where Lily had left her juggling stuff and her little garbage bag poi balls.

“Can I try these?”

“Sure.”

Makana found the center of the strings and started swirling them around. She could definitely cross in front of herself and move each hand independently, but in less than two minutes she’d missed and tangled the lines. “They’re too light, and the strings are short and thin.”

“I used instructions from the web, but I’d love to learn the real thing.”

Makana looked at her, but didn’t offer.

“Are you still taking lessons with your group?”

“Yes, but they have a kind of involved admittance system.”

“Like?”

“At least an audition, maybe an interview.”

“Would I like it if I got in?”

Makana didn’t answer. Instead she said, “Did you know, your sister is dating my brother?” And then she turned around and left.

 

By the next morning, Lily was climbing the walls. She had a million questions she wanted to ask Makana, but her Mom wouldn’t even let her go to school. Rose was still arguing across the kitchen table.

“But I have to go to school. I’ll be way behind. And I haven’t left the apartment in weeks.”

“You have to be without fever for 24 hours,” Mom said. “Besides, if you overdo it, you’ll get sick again.”

“You want to keep me home with you.”

“For your sparkling conversation?”

“To make you feel useful.” Rose said it with a contempt Lily had rarely heard her use to their parents. It was usually reserved for her sister.

Mom stood up with her dishes in hand, as if she’d been about to clear anyway. “While I admit, it would have been hard to take all this time off from a brand new job, I think I’ll find plenty of useful work to do even with you at school. Meanwhile, if you’re feeling well, you can tidy up your room.”

Rose left without clearing her own dishes. Maybe she’d decided not to take the argument any farther, but Lily wasn’t ready to give her that much credit. She waited in silence until she could hear Japanese pop music squealing through her sister’s closed door.

Mom caught her eye, and suddenly they were both smiling.

“Not quite as dramatic as punk rock would be,” Mom said

Lily tried to imagine her mom as a teenager with punk music blasting from her room. What music had her mom liked back then? When she listened at all now it was to an oldies station, but no one grew up liking elevator music. Did they?

“Are you done?” Mom asked.

Lily snatched up her last bit of toast and nibbled it while walking the plate to the sink.

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Did Makana bring over any fruit yesterday?”

“Makana? You mean the girl with lots of hair?” Lily nodded, glad to hear the visit she remembered was at least real. “No, she only popped up to give you a card. She didn’t bring your homework, did she?”

“No, Mom. She’s a sophomore.” She hadn’t brought any card either, not as far as Lily knew, but since she’d evidently imagined the whole conversation about fruit, it was hard to know for sure. “I guess I was pretty out of it when she came. Did she say anything to you?”

“No, she popped up to give you a get well card, and then I guess she let herself out, because I didn’t notice her leaving. Do you know her well?”

“We’ve been working together at the Lokahi Children’s Home.” Lily tried to watch her mom for any reaction, but saw none. “You don’t know if that’s one of the places Dad’s investigating, do you?”

Mom gave her an odd look, one of those eyebrow-scrunching, nose-wrinkling “not what I expected you to say” looks. “Dear, you know that’s confidential, and even if I knew I couldn’t tell you. Is there something you’re worried about there?”

“No, nothing like that. After all the strangeness in New Mexico and having my friends mixed up in it…” She let the question hang to see if mom would bite. She knew Mom had talked with Dad about the weird desert magic he’d gotten caught up in, but Mom had never talked directly with Lily about magic.

Mom started loading plates into the dishwasher. “Are you still upset about what happened back there?”

Upset wasn’t the word for it. “No, but it was strange, don’t you think? I’ve started to wonder if there might be, I don’t know, sort of secret or hard to explain stuff happening other places, but we mostly don’t stay long enough to find out about it.”

Mom stood up from the dishwasher and looked Lily full in the face, “Does it bother you that we move a lot?”

“No, it’s all this weird stuff…” But Mom went back to loading the dishwasher. Lily realized her Mom could be totally there for her if she was concerned about her father or moving too often, but they were not about to discuss anything touching on magic or an unexplained mystery that way.

“Do you want me to do that, Mom?”

“No, you should go rest, or work on one of those class projects you mentioned before.”

Lily headed up the stairs wondering if she should try to corner Dad and if there was a way to find Makana before next Monday.

 

9

Searching

 

During the morning break, Lily hurried to the office to try out her preferred plan, but the woman behind the desk was staring intently at some paperwork. After a few ticks of the clock Lily ventured a polite, “Excuse me?”

“Yes?” The sandy haired woman didn’t even look up.

“I need to find another student, Makana. She’s my partner at our volunteer assignment at Lokahi Children’s Home. I was absent Monday when our group went there, and I need to check something with her. “

“Well, do you know where her locker or any of her classes are?”

Lily wondered how dumb the woman thought teenagers were. If she knew that, would she be wasting her passing period in the office? “No, I’m sorry, I don’t.”

“If she didn’t give you her contact information herself, then there’s not a lot I can do.”

“I’m sorry, I’m new here. Is there any sort of school directory?”

“No, we don’t do that here. You could try looking in the phone book.”

“But I don’t even know her last name.”

Finally, the woman looked up. She had crow's feet by her eyes and looked like the kind of mother who would pat you on the shoulder, not nearly as mean as she’d seemed while looking down at the papers.

“I’m sorry. If you want to talk to a counselor, they might be able to help send someone a message, if it’s that sort of an issue. Otherwise, I really don’t think I can help you.”

The warning bell rang while the woman shrugged at her. Lily left with a quick, “Thanks anyway.”

 

She spent most of lunch searching the school again. She was beginning to recognize the groups that ate in the MP room, those that ate out back, out front, in classroom clubs. But Makana wasn’t anywhere. Finally, when Lily had eaten everything but her apple, she went to where Paula, Kelsey, and Ann-Marie sat on the grass.

“Long time no see,” Paula greeted her.

“I was sick,” Lily offered, but Paula didn’t reply for a long half minute. Lily tried to remember where she’d eaten lunch the days before she got sick. One of them she’d spent at a science test review, and one she’d been re-doing some semi-late homework. She realized she hadn’t talked to Paula since the scene with John and Ling-Ling last Monday.

“How have you been doing?” she asked Paula as Kelsey rolled her eyes.

“Terrible, thank you. John’s avoiding me, in case you didn’t notice, and when I’m in drama with both him and Ling-Ling, they flaunt their coupleness in front of me.”

“That’s annoying. Was it bad at the children’s home on Monday?”

“They had me take your place, with Makana, not that she’s much for conversation, but at least I was well away from the rest. I’d ask to change days, but my other afternoons are already full. This volunteer requirement is sooo stupid.”

Lily spent the remaining minutes of lunch trying to be supportive, but she noticed Kelsey and even Ann-Marie were keeping pretty quiet. Part of her wondered if she should have come back to this group at all.

 

The next day, Lily hurried outside at lunch to sit at a far corner on the grass. From there she could watch all but one exit from the school. If Makana wasn’t to be found during lunch, perhaps she could be spotted leaving to eat someplace else. Lily sat close to a bush with red flowers, and she casually ate her apple, also red, first. Hopefully she didn’t look like she was watching for anyone, and hopefully the bush would keep her from being noticed by Paula’s group as well. She felt bad about ditching them, but it had been hard to act interested in Paula’s personal drama yesterday. Especially when Paula talked about Monday afternoon, all Lily wanted to know was what had happened with Koa, but Paula hadn’t noticed Makana working on a science project or playing a game with one of the kids.

Lily knew she could be teased for getting obsessed like this, and she had to admit, she was feeling something strange for Makana. It wasn’t only that she thought about her all the time, the thoughts seemed to come with a physical sensation. It was like something behind her ribs wanted to pull her closer to Makana, even when she didn’t know where Makana was. She remembered the day Max ran around the garden and how she’d felt like there was a bond connecting Makana and Max, how for a moment, it had seemed to pull her, too. Now it seemed to pull her to this spot, down onto the warm grass, in close to the spindly bush with its flowers as red as her apple. She felt like this was where she had to be, and sure enough she spotted Makana.

Makana strode across the lawn, brown skirt clinging to each leg as it thrust forward. Lily felt such relief at finding her. She stood up and was walking to intersect without even deciding to move. Then she was beside her, and Makana said “hi.”

Lily knew she’d invaded someone’s space, purposely shown up where she wasn’t expected, and she suddenly had no idea what to say. “Hi. Could I eat lunch with you?”

Makana started walking again and said, “Don’t think I can stop you.”

They walked for at least five minutes, first across the meadow area that surrounded the school and then into what might have been called a forest. It certainly had a few very tall trees, forty or fifty feet high, at least. Lily didn’t think she’d ever seen trees like these before, though they reminded her of Eucalyptus from when she lived in California. Still, the area didn’t feel like a forest. Most of the trees could also be called bushes, some were like the red flowery one where she’d eaten her apple, some looked more like a pineapple at the base. The whole area could have been an overgrown garden for all Lily knew.

Makana didn’t say a word, which may have been her normal silence, but Lily felt uneasy, not sure how much she was intruding and a little uncomfortable at being so far from everyone. Lily had seen enough horror movies to know you shouldn’t walk out into the wild with “interesting” people you hardly knew. How well did she know Makana? She knew she’d stolen papers from an office and probably lied to Koa about a “science project,” Rose about a “social studies project,” and Mom about a “get well card.” What if Lily never came back from lunch? Would Makana even be questioned such that she’d have to lie about not seeing her?

At the same time, Lily could imagine Makana pulling out her notebook over lunch and saying, “It’s all explained in here. You can keep it overnight if you want.”

When Makana finally stopped and seated herself on a large rock, Lily couldn’t decide whether to sit down. Something deep inside pulled her closer, but her legs almost shivered with wanting to run away.

Makana pulled some sort of homemade tortilla wrap out of her bag and took a bite before she looked up at Lily. Then she edged over a bit on her rock and asked, “Do you want part?”

Lily thought it would seem odd sitting that close, even though she kind of wanted to. She settled on a patch of sparse but long grass a few feet away, “I’ll be fine here.”

Makana sat back in the center of her rock and took another bite of lunch. It looked like spinach leaves, cheese, and maybe some kind of spread were wrapped up in a corn tortilla. It smelled like mustard. Lily pulled out her tuna sandwich. It smelled like nothing but looked pretty good for something mom packed. As she bit into it she discovered a raisin and considered making time to pack her own food again.

She sat silently across from Makana, pretending to be interested in her sandwich, until she couldn’t stand it any longer.

“So, what happened with Koa on Monday?”

“Nothing. I thought I should wait for you.”

“And you came to my house and said your brother is dating my sister?”

Makana nodded.

“I thought you were going to explain this week.”

“I said you’d see, but maybe next Monday.”

“See what?”

Makana looked around the clearing where they sat. There were five tall trees that seemed to form a ring. The sun shone down in a circle, sort of like a spotlight. But small tree branches and tall bushes reached out into the light. Only in the very center did it reach the ground fully bright. Makana ended up gazing at the bright spot.

Lily asked, “Can I look at the list you wrote in your notebook?”

Makana kept staring at the light for a few long moments, but then she opened her backpack and pulled out the spiral notebook. She opened it from the back and turned the cover and pages such that only the part where she’d copied the list showed. She handed it to Lily who looked at the six names and diagnoses again.

“Is there anything else you’d let me see? Anything that might explain what this is for.”

Makana looked at Lily, but her eyes didn’t seem to focus. She reached out for the notebook, and Lily handed it back.

Another minute or two passed as they both ate in silence. Lily wanted to say something about their younger siblings dating and how weird that was, but it sounded more like something she’d say to Paula, not to Makana. She wasn’t sure what kind of thing she was supposed to say to Makana.

“Did you heal me and my sister?” There, it was out, Makana would have to say something to that.

She took her usual time and finally said, “My mother would say I did.”

“But did you?”

“Everyone sees things differently. Who am I to say?”

“And what about your brother, did you heal him, too?”

Makana looked down, her lips tight, but definitely frowning. She shook her head, and Lily knew it meant not to ask about that and not just that Makana didn't heal her own brother. “Let’s head back.”

Lily tried to pay attention to the path on the way back, and as they neared the grassy area she asked, “Could I come eat with you again?”

“Wait until after Monday,” Makana said, and then she walked ahead back to the school as if she hadn’t been with Lily at all.

 

10

Research

 

On Saturday, Lily weirded out her sister by asking to speak to her.

“We’re speaking now.” Rose stood in her bedroom doorway wearing a tank top and pajama bottoms. Bright light filled her window, lighting her from behind and leaving her face dim by comparison.

“Could I come into your room for a minute? Or you could come in mine.”

Rose shook her head but let Lily in and closed the door behind them. Then they both sat down on Rose’s bed, and for a moment it was like they were little and could talk to each other again.

“I was wondering what Makana said when she come into your room on Monday.”

Rose shook her head some more. “She was strange. First she asked me questions for some project or something, but then, I dunno. She asked about me being sick, and it made me feel less sick just talking about it. Maybe she should be a guidance counselor. They have that same way of putting you at ease by making your skin crawl.”

Makana wondered what Rose’s interactions with guidance counselors had been about, but she didn’t want to pause or the conversation derail. “Did she say anything about her Mother or auras or anything like that?”

“No. Does she believe in that stuff?”

Lily assumed from the lack of direct insult, like “where do you find such weird friends,” that Rose at some level liked Makana. “She didn’t say anything about faith healing or helping you?”

Now Lily knew she’d said too much. Her sister pulled back a little on the bed, tucked her chin, and looked at her with big anime eyes. “No, nothing like that. Are we done?”

“Sure. Glad we both got better then.” And she left her sister’s den of Japanese band posters and headed back to her own under-decorated room. Maybe she should fix it up today, make it look a little more lived in, as if she were going to stay a while.

There was an envelope on her bed. Mom must have brought in the mail, and it was rare enough for Lily to get anything that she’d brought it up. A quick glance at the envelope showed it was from Xavier. Lily remembered the letter she’d written at the fishpond. The letter about the magic here that she’d sent to the only person who might believe.

_Lily,_

_It’s great to hear from you, but I was surprised to get an actual letter from Hawaii. I thought the post office there only took picture postcards._

_Anyway, I know you don’t like phones, but is there a reason you didn’t send email? It’s a lot faster. Some of my dad’s friends think the government snoops it for leads to real paranormal activity, but you never struck me as conspiracy-minded. Still, I’m happy to reply on paper if you want._

_Hope you won’t mind if I did some research online. The library here didn’t have much (meaning anything) on ancient Hawaiian fishponds, but there’s some intriguing stuff on the web. It seems Hawaii may have its own vanished people, much like the Anasazi here, but without leaving buildings behind for proof._

_There are lots of theories, but I’d give benefit of the doubt to those who say the fishponds weren’t built by those now called “Hawaiians.” Some stories say old fishponds or temples were built by “little people” called menehune, who built each stone structure in a single night. But the Tahitian’s have a word for outcast, “manahune,” and some sources say that’s what they called the Marquesans who had come to the islands hundreds of years before them. The Marquesans may well have built the fishponds, either for those who became “Hawaiians” or for their own reasons, and their stonework has stood the test of time._

_It doesn’t seem there’s much else in what you’re finding that relates to what went on here. At least, I couldn’t find the periodic reports of people vanishing that crop up here. Guess it could be hushed up, and your father might have better records and such. I couldn’t find anything on your friend Makana, but without a last name, that’s not too surprising either. You sure know how to pick them, don’t you?_

_Keep in touch,_

_Xavier_

The letter almost made Lily cry. It would be nice to sit on Xavier’s roof and talk with him again, even though he could be annoying. His mention of people snooping email for real paranormal references was kind of frightening. She certainly didn’t think of herself as conspiracy-minded. She’d never thought of anyone in those terms really, but something about the email concerns rang true. Was she becoming paranoid? Did it have something to do with Makana scribbling in her notebooks? Was it simply that Lily had never liked phones or even email much and was looking for an excuse?

Whatever. Perhaps it was time to surprise her parents by asking to go to the library. She wanted to check old newspapers for references to Makana, her mother, faith healing, auras, stuff like that. She also wanted to set up her own tests for red-green color blindness. If Makana was trying to convince her based on a sham science project, Lily might try to make it a little more scientific.

 

On Monday, Lily could hardly wait for her turn at the children’s center. She was the first at the bus stop and the first to take her place on the bus. Ling Ling and John took the back. Paula pointedly ignored them as she moved to her usual spot up front, and Kim resignedly sat across from Lily. Makana was last, as usual, and she glanced around as she boarded the bus. Unless she wanted to squeeze into a kid-sized seat beside someone, her only choices were to sit across from the door or across from Paula. Without meeting anyone’s eyes, she took the seat up front and leaned down over her notebook. It was then that Lily remembered Paula’s comment about working with Makana last week. Did that mean Lily would now be working with John?

As they left the bus she tried to ask Mrs. Mao, but she only said, “You should check with Mrs. Grady.”

Lily trudged down the hall to where the office door stood ajar. She knocked lightly as she pushed it further open, but she still found Mrs. Grady asleep at her desk. Her face was leaned forward and cupped in both hands, supported by her elbows. It was almost as if she’d been crying, but her stillness showed it was sleep. Lily pulled the door to mostly shut and made a point of knocking as hard as she could while steadying the door closed at the knob.

“Come in.”

Lily entered again to find Mrs. Grady sitting up, but there were white splotches quickly turning pink where her cheeks and forehead had rested on her hands, and her hair was sticking out a bit on one side.

After a moment Lily nodded and said, “I was out sick last Monday, and I heard people’s assignments shifted around. I was wondering where I should go.”

Mrs. Grady looked at her from watery eyes but said rather quickly, “Why don’t you ask Mrs. Mao?”

“Uh, she told me to ask you.”

“Oh.” Now there was a lengthy pause as Mrs. Grady started to shuffle through papers in her desk. Finally, she looked up and said, “Why don’t you go see if one of the other students knows? If you don’t find out, come back here, and I’ll have the list by then.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Lily backed out of the office and then headed outside, thoroughly embarrassed. If she was going to ask anyone, it was going to be Makana.

She found her outside watching kids in the sandbox. Paula was way across the yard chatting with a staff member Lily didn’t remember. She seemed quite cheerful, but it was probably an act to save face. Makana on the other hand, looked about as smug as possible without looking up.

“I figured you’d come out here.”

“Because no one will tell me where I’m supposed to be.”

“Oh, I can tell you that if you want. You’re inside with John in the rec room. It’s to the right of those sliding glass doors.” Makana smiled like the whole thing was a joke, and then she took off the black canvas backpack she was still wearing and pulled out a large Ziploc bag. “Here, you can tell Koa you’re helping with my project. All the cards and instructions are in there.”

“You’re claiming you healed him?”

“I’m not claiming anything. If you want, I’ll walk you home later, and we can discuss the results.”

Lily wished she had something clever to say, to demonstrate some control of the situation. But at least she had her extra test pictures from the library. She headed inside, looking for Koa as she went.

She didn't find him before she reached the rec room and John.

“Hey, I was beginning to wonder if I was on my own again.” John spoke from a table where boys were setting up long lines of dominoes.

A staff member, the woman with the long hair whom Lily had previously seen outside, looked up from a project involving glue, popsicle sticks, and three sticky kids. Lily thought she’d have a right to be annoyed by John’s “on my own” comment, but the woman simply smiled at Lily as she continued to listen to a little girl talking about Madeleine and the Eiffel tower. Lily gathered the story was from a kids’ book or movie.

John waved Lily over to the domino table. “Here, join us. I bet you’re good at balancing things. Paula says you used to be a circus performer.”

“Really?” the smallest boy at the table said.

Lily tried to please the boy without sounding too stupid. “Sure, I did trapeze tricks and tightrope, but I didn’t perform with a real circus. We had a young performers troupe that went to schools and museums and such.”

“Would you perform here?”

“My troupe was in Washington state.”

“Oh. I’ve never seen a circus.”

He looked so sad that Lily offered without thinking, “Have you seen someone juggle?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

Lily picked up three dominoes and stepped back from the table. They were a little too light and she was only passing good at juggling, but she ought to be able to manage three for long enough. She tossed one, two, three, and then missed, but on her second try she managed to keep the dominoes going for about a minute and then stop under control.

“Wow,” the kid was smiling big. “Can you do that?” he asked John.

“Nope, sorry.” John raised his eyebrows and gave the boy and Lily an exaggerated frown. Lily thought it was sweet even if the kid didn’t count it as performing. If this were a circus, John could be a clown.

“Could you teach us?” the kid asked, already trying to throw a domino back and forth between his hands and barely managing to catch it.

Lily thought about how hard it would be to learn with the little rectangles and said, “How about next week, I’ll bring some better juggling stuff for you to try?”

“Great,” he said.

“I’m sure,” John smiled at Lily, and she was both pleased and disconcerted. This was the guy who had dumped Paula, was now involved with Ling Ling, and if she wasn’t mistaken, he was trying to charm her. Or maybe he was making fun of her. Lily found guys a lot harder to interpret that girls. She tried to focus on adding her three dominoes, and then others, to the pattern of standing lines on the table.

After a couple minutes, Koa came in and said, “The other helper said I should find you.”

“Oh, yes,” Lily said. “I have the cards for the science project.”

“She also said you’d play a real game with me afterward.”

“Sounds fair. Why don’t we use that little table?”

Soon Lily had Koa settled at a small corner table with only two chairs. She pulled out Makana’s manila folder with the game board on it. She looked at the fourteen letters and symbols drawn on it in black and she handed Koa the cards.

The notebook page with a drawing of the game board and Koa’s marks from last time was also in the bag, along with a pencil and a stopwatch.

“Ready? Go!” Lily said.

Koa worked steadily and put the “E” in the right place. In fact, he put every card in the right place. “Good job. Only 21 seconds.”

“And did I get them right?

“Uh, I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you that, but you did really well.”

“I think I got them right. Is that what this game is supposed to do?”

“Well, partly. You might have learned some from last time.”

“But I wasn’t told which were wrong.”

“And no one coached you in between?”

Koa’s screwed up face showed that was more clearly stupid than anything he could have said, “No. Can we play Battleship now?”

“Just one little follow-up.” Lily pulled out the optical illusions and dot pictures she’s copied at the library. They weren’t really meant to be tests, but each had included a note saying people who were red-green color blind wouldn’t see the effect.

Koa actually smiled when he saw the first one. “That’s like a Rubik’s cube.”

“Can you point to a gray square?” Koa shook his head. The point of the illusion was that none of the squares looked gray, even though several actually were. It was called a false color illusion, and Lily only partly understood why it worked, but the point was that it shouldn’t have worked on Koa. She handed Koa a paper with a single hole punched out in the center.

“Slide that over each square and see which ones look gray.”

As Koa did it, John came over to watch.

“It’s the blue ones. What’s that mean?”

“It’s an optical illusion. Something about how our eyes detect color and compensate for light and colors in our surroundings fools the eye.”

“Everyone’s eyes?”

“Most people's.”

“Can I see that?” Paul took the Rubik’s cube drawing and the paper with the hole in it. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” The way he said it made Lily’s face warm. But he headed back to the domino table, and Lily reached back into her bag of tricks.

The next picture had dinosaurs drawn to camouflage with the trees. Once again, it shouldn’t have worked. Koa should have seen the dinosaurs through the color camouflage. Lily had read how the military chose color-blind men to spot camouflaged soldiers long ago. But Koa puzzled over the picture for a minute, much as Lily had at the library. When he finally figured out the dinosaurs, he was excited but hesitant as he said, “Does this mean I’m only partly better?”

Lily didn’t know what to say. She tried, “Everyone’s vision is a little different. That’s what makes optical illusions fun.” But she saw how on each test, Koa struggled or succeeded the way someone with normal vision should. It certainly looked like Makana had cured his color blindness. Lily tried to think of any tricks she might have missed as Koa set up and began the game of Battleship, but instead she became more convinced.

 

On the walk home, Lily handed Makana the bag with the game. When Makana didn’t say anything, Lily asked, “So?”

“What?”

“Aren’t you going to explain?”

“I thought seeing Koa would explain more than enough.”

“But how did you do it?”

“I don’t really know.”

“Well, do you have to touch the person? Pray? Focus energy? I’m ready to listen to whatever you’ve got to say.”

Makana kept walking. “There’s nothing to say. It’s something that’s happened since I was a little kid. I had to run experiments to even convince myself it was true. But basically, if I’m around someone and know they’re sick with a certain disease or have something specific wrong like with Koa’s vision, it will often fix itself as soon as I know about it.”

Lily couldn’t believe it. Nothing was as simple as that, especially not some magical power that probably no one else in the world had. “Does it hurt you?

“Hard to know. It can be tiring if I do it more than once in a day, but that part’s hard to test. I mean, if it shortened my lifespan or drew power from the sun, how would I know?”

Lily wanted to stop. It was the most improbable statement she’d ever heard, and Makana said it like nothing while walking down the street. Lily’s eyes darted all around, to see if anyone was listening, but they were pretty much alone, walking past houses and apartments with occasional cars driving by.

“Do you know anyone else who can do it?”

Makana smiled. “I was hoping maybe you. Anything you want to tell me?”

Lily stopped. Her feet didn’t move, and she had to look at Makana. For once, Makana met her eyes, and she looked happy, but maybe scared too. Or maybe that was just Lily guessing how she’d feel if the situation was reversed. Somehow, when they met at the fishpond, Makana had decided Lily was like her. But why? That fishpond hadn’t even pulled at her as much as the first one had. The way Makana had a couple of times, and as soon as Lily thought it, she felt like a magnet was holding her in place, making her want to take a step closer to Makana.

“What is it?” Lily asked.

“What is what?” Makana was looking around now, probably trying to see if anyone was watching.

“What’s pulling me toward you?”

“I don’t know.” Makana’s words were slow, like she was trying to stay calm. “I don’t know what you’re seeing, but my mom says your aura glows, that it’s the most like mine she’s ever seen.”

“I felt this with your mom, too.”

“Then maybe you feel what my mom calls auras. I don’t know. I can’t feel or see it, but my mom says yours is strong. What does it let you do?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I can do anything. I wish I could.”

Makana sighed. “Well, maybe you just need to figure it out. Try healing someone. If my mom’s right and something about you is like me, maybe that will work. You can try Jeffrey Aguon. He’s the one who has seizures. Spend some time with him next week thinking about his seizures and wanting them to be cured, and maybe it will work.”

“But you could heal him, and know it would work?”

“Probably, but then we wouldn’t learn anything.”

“You’re serious?”

“Don’t you want to?”

Lily wanted to. She also wanted to curl up in bed and not come out until things made sense again.

Makana gathered her into a hug, and the pull she’d been feeling broke and made breathing seem easy, even though she hadn’t notice it was hard. Lily felt muscles in her neck and back relax, and then Makana let go. They walked the rest of the short distance to Lily’s apartment building in silence. Then Makana said a casual “bye” and walked off.

Lily went to her room feeling a little numb, but with kind of a buzz. She lay down on her bed to think, but she no longer wanted to curl up and hide.

 

11

Trying

 

On Tuesday, Lily hoped she could catch Makana entering the woods and talk some more over lunch. Unfortunately, the way classes rotated, she had Paula in both of her morning classes, and there was no way to stop Paula from tagging along with her at lunch time. They went to their lockers together and then Paula kept chattering about the stupidity of their social studies class, assuming that Lily would follow along with her to the soda machine and then out to her group’s patch of lawn.

Lily followed. She sat down with Paula, Kelsey, and Ann Marie. She pulled a red apple out of her lunch bag and couldn’t help looking at the bush with red flowers where she’d half-hidden to watch for Makana last week. She could only see the side of the bush from here and not the area where Makana had crossed the wide lawn. Her stomach felt like it was filling with tears, she wanted to go to Makana and try to find out more. It wasn’t the almost magnetic pull she’d felt before, more like the anticipation and fear before a circus performance tied to the hope and insecurity of wanting a new friend. But she didn’t remember feeling like this about anyone else.

“Lily, what was John like yesterday?”

From the tone of the question, Lily guessed it was being repeated. She couldn’t remember hearing a word of the conversation since right after she sat down. How long had it been? No one seemed to have eaten much yet. Lily was embarrassed at her own distraction. “He was fine.”

“What does that mean? Did he say anything about me? Or Ling-Ling?” Paula asked.

“No. Really, we didn’t talk much, only some stuff about dominoes and optical illusions.” As she said it, Lily tried to remember anything else, reconstruct any snatches of conversation she might have overlooked. Had John complimented her at some time? Lily thought so, but couldn’t remember any details. “He knew I’d been involved with circus.”

“Oh, I guess I told him,” Paula said. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“It was a little weird. I ended up juggling dominoes for a kid who’d never seen juggling, let alone a circus.”

Kelsey gave Paula a disappointed look, and Lily wondered if it sounded like she was bragging or too self-absorbed or what.

Ann Marie said, “I heard Ling-Ling was getting bored with him already.”

As the attention shifted away from her, Lily almost choked with her desire to be anywhere but in this stupid conversation. Then she admitted to herself that the conversation wouldn’t seem half as stupid if she wasn’t preoccupied with questions about Makana and magic. Would these girls blame her if they understood? Surely knowing someone who could heal people and wondering if she could do stuff like that herself had to count as more important than Paula’s boy troubles two weeks out. She heard herself starting to lie a moment before she knew she’d decided.

“I forgot. I was supposed to see my science teacher at lunch today.” Lily was up with her apple in her right hand and her lunch bag in her left before she finished the sentence. Paula and Anne Marie each said something polite as Lily rushed off, but the words were lost as she felt the pull behind her ribs again. It wanted to pull her across the grass, but she forced herself in the front door of the school and out a door on the other side. She raced across the opposite lawn and into the woods without any thoughts about getting lost.

She passed the trees that reminded her of eucalyptus and the ones that looked more like pineapples at the base. She passed orange and white flowers that didn’t look like they could grow naturally anywhere, and yet they made her feel much better than when she was surrounded by Paula’s friends. Lily wanted to be surrounded by the plants here, the soil, the shade, the sun. There was something right, on a gut level, about walking here, and it brought her to Makana as if that was almost incidental.

“I was wondering if you’d show up.” Makana sat on the same rock as before. Lily wanted to squeeze in beside her, but reclaimed her clump of long grass instead.

“I want to know more about magic.”

Makana cringed at the word. “I don’t believe it’s something to be told about.”

“Why not?”

Makana shrugged. “Maybe we all feel it differently, and it’s more important to know what’s in you than what’s in me.”

“Can’t I know both?”

“Look.” Makana plucked up a dandelion with most of the seeds already blown away. “Say you asked me about this dandelion. I might tell you it had a green stem, but you might see that as more brown than green. I might tell you it had white fluff at the top, but really there are these long stalks/stems/whatever they’re called that hold the white fluff at the very top. My description might not be good enough to help you find this dandelion, let alone a yellow one. You’d learn much more by examining it yourself.”

Makana handed the dandelion to Lily and their fingers brushed for a moment. Some tiny voice in the back of Lily’s mind said, _“She gave me a flower.”_ Lily stifled it and held up the flower.

“But what if we’re both looking at this same dandelion and I tell you this little bit is a parachute seed.” Lily pulled out one strand with white fluff at the top and a bulge at the bottom. “I can say it’s called that because the fluff at the top catches the wind like a parachute and carries the seed that hangs down at the bottom. We’re both looking at the same thing, but if I’ve told you something new, then that’s good, right? And someone else tells you later that only mainlanders say ‘parachute seed’ and around here it’s called a ‘puffaloo,’ you just learn more about cultural differences.”

Makana’s gaze focused on the dandelion while Lily talked, but afterward her eyes studied the ground, and she didn’t say a word. Lily didn’t want to drop the dandelion. She spun it in her fingers as she ate her apple. She wanted to wait for Makana to speak. Perhaps she was insulted by the glib mention of cultural differences? Or maybe Lily had been too pushy. Maybe Makana was being passive aggressive and thought the silent treatment would head off further questions about magic. Maybe she was more comfortable with long silences than Lily was.

Finally, Makana said, “Maybe the two of us could refer to it as a ‘puffaloo.’”

Lily didn’t know what to say to that or if it was meant to be a metaphor for discussing magic, but it made her feel warm all over to have Makana answer and to share an invented word.

 

Lily managed to eat lunch with Makana for the rest of the week. On Friday, when she was with Paula all morning again, Lily was a little worried about being ambushed for lunch, but Paula barely spoke to her. They exchanged a slightly chilly “hello” and nods in class, but Lily found herself free and clear at lunchtime.

For the first time, she made it to the clearing in the woods before Makana and settled into her usual spot. A circle of warm sunlight surrounded her, and Lily set her lunch down and propped her arms behind her for a moment. She closed her eyes so she could lean her face straight up into the sunlight. The sunlight flow through her body like warm tar or lava. Her fingers extended into the ground like roots or veins of metal. She could hear birds all around her, calling or landing on a branch. And she felt a ball of fire moving toward her rather slowly. It did not float smoothly or in a straight line. It bobbed and halted. Step, rise up, step down, and up as a leg swung forward. It was a warm human shape walking along the path toward her, Makana. Lily opened her eyes as Makana entered the clearing. There was the sudden tug behind her ribs that she’d felt before, but this time Lily was anchored, fingers in the ground as Makana seemed to stumble.

Lily sat warm and peaceful, watching Makana correct her balance and go to sit on her rock. She wondered if Makana had felt anything, if she thought almost tripping had anything to do with Lily or with magic. It wasn’t as if Lily had wanted to trip Makana, but now she wanted Makana to know it, to admit the pull and connection. Lily wanted what she felt to be shared and confirmed, but she didn’t want to ask. Over the last three days she’d heard about Makana’s favorite subjects at school (social studies and science) and about embarrassing moments from her childhood. But they only talked about their families or about supernatural things when Makana brought them up, and that was only when they were relevant to a story, usually involving Makana’s mom.

Lily figured all friendships had their rules, and if there had been any uncertainty before, she and Makana were definitely friends now. Makana smiled and met Lily’s eyes for a moment. She wanted to be there. She might even be as happy to spend the time together as Lily was, and that made Lily feel safe, like the rest of the world didn’t matter. But it also seemed from that brief, natural smile that Makana didn’t connect her stumble to anything Lily had done. It made Lily question her own perceptions. Had she really caused it, even if inadvertently, or was she imagining magic, wanting a tangible connection or power in her friendship? And would it be better to really have the power to trip someone or to have deluded oneself about it?

Lily sat upright and pulled her hands in front of her. She really had pushed her fingertips into the soil and there was a lot of dirt under her nails. Oh well, no way to wash up now. She brushed her hands against her khaki pants and was glad that she was wearing earth tones today.

“You’re quiet.” Makana said.

“Look who’s talking.”

“Exactly.”

“I guess I was lost in the moment, the sun, the earth.”

Makana looked at her, especially her dirty hands. “Do you want to come over during vacation?”

“I’d love to! You know, I don’t even know where you live.”

“We can fix that.” Makana pulled her spiral notebook out of her backpack and tore out the very last page. She pulled out a pencil and drew a map, complete with an address and phone number. “How about tomorrow, after lunch? You can spend the night if you want.”

Lily folded the paper and kept it in her pants pocket for the rest of the day. It was like a promise that something good was going to happen this winter vacation.

 

The next day, Lily worried about what “after lunch” meant. She’d eaten lunch at noon, and packed all her things before that. Now she sat downstairs with her backpack and sleeping bag, but she switched on the TV rather than set out. Some sort of iron chef show was playing, with one guy buzzing around his kitchen seeming to whip every ingredient with an egg beater or whisk. Lily sat unmoving watching his motion.

“What’s this?” Dad asked, as he plopped down beside her, making the sofa bounce.

“Some cooking show.”

“You’re planning to make dinner?”

She could tell by his tone that he hadn’t forgotten she was spending the night elsewhere. This was some subtle form of paternal humor. Lily stayed silent.

“When am I supposed to take you to your friend’s house?”

“Dad, I’m just going to walk.”

Dad was silent a few moments, watching her the way he’d watch a squirrel clinging to the side of a tree. “Fine, we’ll walk, but tell me when.”

Lily felt her shoulders relax. It wasn’t that she wanted her dad to escort her to her sleepover, but since her parents hadn’t met Makana’s mom, she should have expected it. Besides, even if she chose when to leave, it sort of made her arrival at a new house less her own responsibility. Why was she this nervous? She wanted to spend time with Makana and get to know her better, but there was something, some sort of uncertainty or maybe just anticipation, that made her less than eager to set out.

They watched the rest of the cooking show and then Dad switched off the set. The house was silent aside from a slight whine or music coming from Rose’s room.

“So,” Dad said, “Should we go now or should we cook something to bring them?”

“What?”

“Sometimes it’s easier to arrive if you bring a gift for your host.”

“What?”

“Something quick, maybe butterscotch drops?”

Lily remembered how she’d imagined Makana bringing fruit when she’d come to visit, but that hadn’t been real. Makana had told Mom she’d brought a card, but that hadn’t been real either. Lily found it confusing to think back to that part of being sick, but somehow it fit with what her Dad said about bringing food. They delayed another hour while they boiled up sugar and butter to make puddles of butterscotch. The candies hardened almost instantly and Lily arranged them on a paper plate with plastic wrap over the top.

Then they set out down the street, past another block of apartments and into a maze of little rectangular houses, following Makana’s map. The rectangle with peach walls and a sand colored roof bore the specified address.

Makana opened the door almost instantly when Lily rang the bell. “Hi!”

“Hi, Makana. This is my Dad, Justin.”

“Oh, hi.” Makana looked down at her feet, which were bare under a gauzy deep blue skirt. She wore an anklet with silver charms above her left foot.

Lily held out the plate of butterscotch candies, “Here. We made these for you and your family.”

Makana took them, “Thanks.” But she didn’t look up. It was like she’d reverted to the recluse scribbling in her notebook that Lily had first seen on the bus. She didn’t invite them in or move to set the candies aside.

Dad rescued the situation by saying in his geeky Dad way, “Is one of your parents at home? I’d like to introduce myself before I go.”

“Sure,” Makana stepped back from the door and said, “Come in.”

She hurried away down the hall. The room she left them in contained a sofa, an armchair, a TV, and a dinette set. It was small and could have looked tacky, except the color and size of each object seemed right somehow. The sofa was a faded rose color that brought out the pattern in a cloth under the TV. The armchair was a golden tan, with the plushness of the fabric showing wear in some places, but it was right beside the dinette which had a shiny, honey glow to its wood. There was very little clutter and the room seemed balanced, like it was comfortable even as they stood just inside the door.

Makana came back trailing her mother who said, “Hello, I’m Leilani.”

Leilani seemed to fill the room. She was dressed simply today in loose cotton pants and a woven white top. Without scarves or flowing clothes, she looked much less Hawaiian or new age. She looked like someone who would keep her house clean and who’d probably go grocery shopping on the same day each week.

“I’m Justin.” They shook hands. Dad pulled out a square of paper. “I wrote down our address and phone number, in case you need to contact us.”

“Thanks, and thank you for the candies.” She nodded to the plate Makana was holding. “Would you like a cup of tea?” She was already moving toward the kitchen, and Dad followed in assent.

Makana set the plate of butterscotch drops on the small dinette table, and said, “Come on. I’ll show you my room.”

Makana’s room was the opposite of the living room. There were trinkets and keepsakes on every horizontal surface. Books and notebooks formed several piles on the floor. But nothing about the room seemed dirty or really messy. No dirty clothes lay about, and the queen size bed was made up with a bright red bedspread. The only other furniture was a desk and chair that looked borrowed from an office somewhere. A hammock full of stuffed toys hung above the window. There wasn’t even a bookshelf, which might explain the stacks of books on the floor. Makana sat down on her bed, staring at the floor, hands clasped in her lap.

“Are you okay?” Lily asked.

Makana shook her head. “I don’t know why you’re here.”

Lily’s chest tightened and her shoulders curled forward. She realized she was still holding her back pack and sleeping bag. She stood in the middle of a room that suddenly felt like enemy territory. “You invited me.”

“No, I know. I just don’t know why. But here. Set your things down. Have a seat.” She waited silently until Lily had done so, seating herself on the chair by the desk. “Haven’t you noticed anything?”

Lily thought of Makana almost tripping the day before, and wondered if that was what she meant, but she didn’t know how to say it. “What kind of anything?”

“What you do when you’re outside.”

Lily shook her head as her throat filled with confusion.

“Don’t you see? I wouldn’t usually take someone like you to where I eat lunch, invite you to spend the night at my house. I’ve told you things I never meant to, and it always happens outside.”

“What do you mean, ‘someone like me?’”

“I know I decided about some of it. We were outside when I showed you the list in my notebook, but I’d thought about that before, after the time outside with Max. That’s when it started. Then, and at the fishpond. But yesterday, after I saw the dirt on your fingers, that’s when I realized, you’re different when you’re outside. I react differently to you when we’re outside.”

“Different how?”

It had been the wrong thing to say. Makana was silent. Then she got up and turned on some music. It was a standard top 20 station. She went to a pile of notebooks in the corner and started flipping through one. “I’m sorry, I feel weird, but I could have called and asked you not to come if I didn’t want to go through with this. I had time to think in between. Here, read this.”

Lily couldn’t believe it. After that tirade, she’d been handed one of Makana’s notebooks. The cursive inside was loopy and childish, but it was very neat and easy to read. It said:

_I am going to write everything down in words, because that’s how I’m expected to communicate. I’ve realized that most people think in words. They don’t think about things that don’t have words. Lately, I think a lot about things that don’t have words, but maybe those are things I can’t communicate, things that can’t be understood by anyone outside me. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be._

_There are three things that matter most to who I am. First is that I’m a girl. I don’t know why that matters, but it does, all the time, to almost everyone. Second is that I’m unhappy a lot, and grown-ups don’t like that in a kid. Maybe they don’t like it in themselves or each other, but they act like it’s wrong in a kid. Then there’s the other thing, the thing without words._

_My friends seem to complain a lot. They get headaches and runny noses. They have to stay in bed and say they can’t do things. But if I go to visit them, the complaints go away. I don’t know if they just need me to hear them complain or if they stop complaining so we can play together again. My mom takes me to see grown-ups who have complaints, and she says I can make them better when I want to, but she says all sorts of weird things. Still, the only time my head sort of hurts or I want to lie down is after I’m around those grown-ups, the ones with complaints, the ones I sort of want to help. It makes me think about things, things that don’t have words._

Lily didn’t know what to say. Makana was sitting very still on her bed, looking at her hands. Lily looked again at the worn notebook and how the page seemed less white than most paper. “How old were you when you wrote this?”

“Nine. I’m not sure I would have invited you here or even gotten to know you if it weren’t for what you do when you’re outside. But thinking about that, trying to understand what’s going on, it reminded me of how I felt when I was first trying to understand myself. When I wrote about the thing without words, I wrote because I felt sad and alone. You don’t seem sad, but you were alone, and I figured that was why you did whatever it was…” Makana held up her hands and shook her head.

Lily was practically shaking with the intensity of the moment, but she managed to ask, “Is it magic?”

Makana looked at her, hands clenching and unclenching in the air, head still slightly shaking. Finally, her hands settled and she spoke. “I still don’t think about it in words. I listen to words surrounding magic, religion, metaphysics, but mostly the words are made up by people who don’t believe or are at least experiencing something different from me. If I start thinking in those words, it attaches all sorts of outside garbage to what I do. It’s like using the wrong words biases what I can know directly. That’s why I showed you the part about not having words. You may not want to be alone. I may not either, sometimes. But if I tell you stuff, it may not be right for you, or it may be right when I think it but come across wrong in the words.”

“You’re saying you don’t want to talk about it?” Lily's stomach sank, but she’d known Manaka avoided the subject. It sounded like Manaka only put up with her out of pity, at least when they weren’t outside. Until yesterday when Lily had sensed Makana on the path and almost made her trip, Lily hadn’t thought she was _doing_ anything to Makana. But every time she’d felt drawn or connected to her, they had been outside. Had that connection been her doing somehow? Had she manipulated Makana without even knowing it?

Makana was still shaking her head. “I’m not saying I don’t want to talk about it. Sometimes I do. But I don’t think I could put anything useful into words. I’m willing to try to share what I can, if it’s helpful, but if you’re hoping I’ll give you answers, I don’t think I can.”

Lily took a deep breath. Makana was doing her best for Lily. She might be right about words, but then why did she write so much?

“Is there more that I could read in your journals?”

Makana smiled. “I started writing them in code, even inventing my own words, shortly after the part you read. I don’t know if I started for paranoia or privacy, but I don’t write for anyone but me now.”

Lily nodded. She felt special to have been shown even one page from before Makana started writing in code or her own language or whatever it was. She wondered if Makana would ever teach her the words she’d invented, or if that would distort the meaning of her words, too.

“Do you think we should go outside?” Makana asked.

“I thought you didn’t want to be outside with me.” Lily wasn’t sure she wanted to be outside if she might do things she wasn’t even aware of and didn’t know how to control.

“But without words, it’s the only way.”

As Makana opened her bedroom door, Lily could hear her dad and Leilani talking at the dinette table. It was hard to believe they’d been there chatting over tea during all that had happened between her and Makana.

“We’re going for a walk,” Makana said.

“Have fun,” Leilani answer.

“See you tomorrow,” said Dad.

 

12

Experience

 

They walked, silently, and Lily was cruelly aware of the tug behind her ribs, like a leash attaching her to Makana. If this was, well, whatever it was, Lily thought she should try to control it. She thought about cutting the line. She imagined the hook inside her sliding out between her ribs. She clenched her teeth and wished the feeling would go away. All of which did nothing. Lily was caught up enough in her internal struggle that she was surprised to find they were crossing in front of the school and taking the path to Makana’s lunch spot.

When they arrived, it seemed natural to sit in their usually places. Makana pulled out a bag of salt and vinegar chips.

“Want some?”

“Thanks.” Lily took a few. “So, what now?”

“What do you want to do?”

Lily felt a tremendous tug, as if she was pulled toward Makana or wanted to pull Makana into her. “Did you feel that?”

“No,” Makana kept eating chips as if the whole situation wasn’t weird, but maybe that _was_ how Makana felt when they were outside together. Hadn’t she said she wouldn’t normally have led Lily to her lunch place? Maybe she didn’t feel the pull but it made her more willing to be with Lily or more willing to do what Lily wanted. The very thought was creepy and made Lily feel dirty. She couldn’t help but think of magical tales, of fairies charming people, will-o-the-wisps leading people to their deaths, magicians forcing maidens to fall in love with them. She didn’t want to have that kind of power, especially not over her friend, but she had to know if she did.

“Can I have the rest of the chips?”

Makana handed her the bag without hesitation.

“Can I have your anklet?”

Makana carefully unfastened the bit of silver chain from her left leg and handed it over to Lily. It was lovely with little silver birds dangling at even intervals, and Lily couldn’t imagine someone naturally handing it over, without hesitation or even a second glance.

“Makana, would you give me things like that if we were inside?” There was a moment of hesitation and Lily’s throat tightened. Makana looked up to meet her eyes as the pull between them snapped.

“No.”

Lily shoved the chips and anklet back, dropping them onto her friend’s lap, and burst into tears. They weren’t little quiet tears. Her head roared inside, and she sobbed even louder with each breath. When she felt Makana sit beside her and put an arm around her, she tried to pull away, but Makana put both arms encircling her and held on. Lily cried until she could barely breathe and needed to blow her nose.

Makana took a pack of tissues out of her bag and handed it to Lily. As Lily took one, she began to cry all over again. Were the tissues like the chips and the anklet? Was she controlling Makana without even speaking, without even meaning to? She could feel the pull inside her again. Was that why Makana had invited her to spend the night? Had Lily somehow wanted it and forced an invitation without knowing?

As soon as she could, Lily took a deep breath and tried to steady herself. She used a couple more tissues to clean up. She didn’t dare look at Makana for fear that she’d start crying again.

Makana gave her a squeeze and let go, saying, “Lie down. Do you know anything about meditation?”

Lily shook her head, still looking away. The connection she felt to Makana continued and Lily tried to will it away.

“Close your eyes and lie down.”

Lily tried to figure out if in any way she was controlling this situation, but none of it made any sense. It was easiest to do as she was told. She lay back with her eyes closed and immediately felt the earth pull from beneath her. She’d felt that yesterday and a couple times out on the grass. If something was different about Lily outside, then maybe it wasn’t really her at all. Maybe it was something in the ground. Lily tensed, pulling her arms up to her sides, holding them a fraction of an inch off the ground.

“Relax.” Makana’s voice seemed bigger than before, not louder, but fuller somehow. “Feel your feet. Let them be warm and still. Let that warmth and stillness flow up into your ankles, into your calves.”

Something in Makana’s voice made Lily feel safe. She knew, in a way that had nothing to do with words, that she wasn’t making Makana do any of this, and no other magic of soil or sunlight was forcing either of them. If Makana’s words could help Lily relax or meditate, it was a normal human thing to do, with words and thoughts and settling down after tears. Lily let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding.

“Good. Let your breathing take the tension out of your body. Let the warmth and stillness flow up from your feet, through your legs, to your center.” Lily felt the warmth and stillness spread even before Makana mentioned her back, shoulders, and arms. If this was meditation, it seemed to be working itself out.

Lily drifted, following her own breathing, until she realized she’d lost track of everything outside her body. She did not know when she’d last heard Makana speak or heard any sound outside her own head. As she realized her isolation, Lily began to sense beyond herself. The sun lit her eyelids, although it was no longer warm. The earth still felt warm beneath her, and for a moment it threatened to pull her in as it had before, but she stopped that, not wanting to lose herself right now. She heard a breeze rustling the plants before she noticed the feel of it on her face. She sensed a large glowing presence nearby and smaller ones up above. The large one resolved into human shape, Makana, moving her bent arms up and down slightly with her hands together. But the warm spots up above, sitting still, what were they, birds? As she thought it she opened her eyes and saw three tiny gray birds on a branch. All three seemed to startle and promptly flew away. It reminded Lily of how Makana stumbled on the path when she opened her eyes. Was that really only yesterday?

Makana was knitting. That was the motion that made her bent arms move up and down. She was sitting on her rock knitting, though now she was also looking at Lily.

“How do you feel?”

“Like I’ve been sleeping on the ground.” But she didn’t. Lily felt fine as she sat up, better than fine. She still felt the line connecting her to Makana, but she felt something more nebulous pulling from within her as well, as if she was connected in all directions. It was too much to think about, with words or without.

“Can we go back inside someplace?”

Makana nodded and settled her knitting and the empty chips package back into her bag.

Lily stood and dusted herself off. She glanced at her watch and was surprised that it was past five. Even without knowing when they’d arrived, she knew she must have been “meditating” for a while. Had Makana been stuck there because of her? She could still feel the pull between them. It was like the weight of her shirt on her shoulders, something she could feel without noticing for long periods at a time. She wondered what the connection did when Lily didn’t want anything. Could it be used for something good, like the way Makana healed people? Lily tried to keep an open mind, because she wasn’t sure she could stand herself if she didn’t.

 

When they passed through the door to Makana’s house, Lily paid attention and felt the pull inside her fade. She leaned against the door, feeling suddenly close to tears again.

“Come on. Let’s make dinner,” Makana said, setting her bag on the floor.

“How can you stand it?” Lily couldn’t move from the door. She wanted to slip back into a normal script with Makana, but it felt dishonest. She couldn’t believe how relaxed Makana was being about the whole thing. Now they were back inside, she half expected Makana to kick her out.

“Don’t worry about it. People do worse things every day, often on purpose, sometimes to me. I’m a survivor.”

The way Makana said it was like nothing Lily had ever heard before. She believed explicitly, but suddenly felt fear for what others might do to her friend. She was going to ask or say something, but Makana cut her off.

“Enough for today. Let’s make nachos.”

And so, they made a baking sheet full of chips, grilled hamburger meat, beans, cheese, olives. They set salsa and sour cream on the table, then Makana knocked loudly on a closed door in the hall. “Dinner’s ready!”

Lily expected Leilani to come out, possibly annoyed at the summons, but instead a wiry boy with hair in his eyes opened the door. He plopped into the farthest seat at the table, and Lily began to wonder why they’d only set places for three. She’d known Makana had a brother, and Makana had clearly known they were feeding him. She followed Makana into the kitchen and asked, “Isn’t your mom eating with us?”

“She works nights.”

Lily suspected this hadn’t been mentioned to her dad, but the worry must have shown on her face, because Makana said, “Don’t worry. She’ll be home by one.”

Before Lily could comment, they were back at the dinette table and Makana’s brother had already heaped his plate full. Lily wondered if he really was, or had been, dating Rose. Lily wasn’t sure what “dating” even meant to Rose, and wasn’t sure she wanted to find out. But she could believe this guy might interest her sister. He was wearing saggy jeans and a black tee shirt. His hair was deep black and wavy, long enough to half cover one eye. He looked like he’d play guitar in someone’s garage but wouldn’t dream of playing in a school band.

“My name’s Lily,” Lily said.

“I’m Kei.” He shoved another chip in his mouth and looked at Lily while he chewed. “Lily, huh? You aren’t Rose’s sister, are you?”

“Yes.”

“Shit. And you’re hanging out with my sister? That’s way wrong.”

“Enough,” Makana glared at him, “It’s none of your business who I hang out with, and she brought dessert.”

He went back to crunching and eating too fast. In the few sentences that made up their dinner conversation, Lily confirmed that he did in fact have a band with a couple of his friends. Lily wondered if they were feeding Rose’s delusion that she could sing.

           

After dinner, Makana said she wanted to show her something, but that she had to change first. Lily flipped through a calendar with sarcastic animal cartoons until Makana announced she was ready. Out of her usual clothes, Makana had an even more impressive figure. She was now dressed like a cat burglar in shiny, tight black pants and a black tank top, but with a red scarf tied around her waist. She opened her closet to scoop up a large tan duffle bag.

“Come on,” Makana headed out of the bedroom and toward the front door.

“Outside?” Lily had thought they were done with that.

“We’ll survive. Loosen up.”

It was full dark now. Lily could feel the line connecting her to Makana as soon as she thought about it, but she told herself to ignore it. For weeks, she’d been unsure if she was merely feeling some emotional reaction in herself. If she was more aware of it now, that was something she’d have to deal with. She’d work on not wanting anything. But within a few steps, she realized that she desperately wanted to go back inside, and that didn’t seem to be affecting Makana at all. Maybe she really didn’t need to worry so much. Maybe she should “loosen up” as she’d been told.

Makana led Lily down a long street and onto a cul-de-sac that led to an alley that became a boat launch. The shore by the boat launch was dirt and rock, but it didn’t look like a public area. They were behind people’s houses, behind their backyards. A tricycle and ball lay not five yards away, and Lily could imagine the child who lived in the house beyond. She imagined a tan four-year-old coming back to her toys the next morning, and she could imagine the girl’s parents not wanting to see a couple of teenagers out here at night. Luckily, it was dark.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to be here?” she asked Makana.

“Best place we’ve got.” Makana took the scarf from her waist, the only loose fabric on her clothing, and wrapped it around her head until no hair showed. Suddenly, she looked much taller and much more confident, like some Amazon warrior. She opened her duffel bag and pulled out: a metal tin, a towel, a squirt bottle, a blanket, a pair of poi balls with metal chains and black handles, a flashlight, a fire extinguisher, a fuel can, a funnel, and a plastic bag of what looked like kitty litter.

“Wow,” Lily said. “You’ve got fire poi.”

Makana smiled and shrugged her eyebrows.

“That bag must be heavy.”

“Not bad compared to a trapeze.”

Lily measured the weight of a trapeze and ropes in her mind, but then realized Makana meant a whole trapeze rig. “The poi balls themselves weigh nothing. All of that’s needed to add fire.” Lily had seen performances with fire poi, but she’d never known the performers or seen them set up.

“It wouldn’t be safe otherwise. People do catch on fire.”

Lily felt much more comfortable seeing all the supplies. The fact that Makana had packed all this and set it out neatly seemed to say she knew what she was doing. But should she be handling fire with Lily around? What if Lily wanted something, and it wasn’t safe? She might not even know she wanted it. But Lily saw her friend happily setting up. This was exactly the sort of thing she would have dreamed about for their sleepover, and the pull didn’t feel that strong here. Maybe what she wanted only influenced Makana in certain outdoor places. She tried thinking about Makana handing her the poi balls. Nothing happened, but then Lily wasn’t sure if she didn’t want it sincerely enough. Lily picked up the fire extinguisher to read the directions. She really wanted everything to be safe.

The fire extinguisher alone was as heavy as her trapeze bar.

Makana busied herself with wetting a towel in the bay and then doing something with the fuel can. When she finished Lily was still holding the fire extinguisher, and Makana said, “The towel or blanket are usually enough. That’s for emergencies. It would have to be refilled if we used it.”

“What’s not an emergency but requires a towel or blanket?”

“I have to smother the poi balls at the end, and even practiced performers have caught some clothing or hair on fire. I saw a U-tube video where someone had to wrap a towel around her friend’s shirt. But afterward, the shirt wasn’t even hurt. It’s not a very hot flame.”

“Have you done this before?”

“Yeah, in class. Twice.”

Lily's stomach turned over. She set the fire extinguisher down by the damp towel and stood where she could reach both of them.

Makana smiled at her, and Lily felt the connection between them tug a little. It felt strangely good. She knew she shouldn’t be on this beach playing with fire, even with all Makana’s safety precautions, but in a way, the uncertainty in her stomach made her want to be there even more. She tried to stay alert, like a lifeguard but with fire, as Makana knelt down and lit her poi.

Makana stood up and started to sing. The words were probably Hawaiian, possibly a hula song, and the poi began to spin, picking up speed in circles on each side of Makana. The poi balls crossed over, two circles on opposite sides and then back. Makana kept crossing the balls as her song sped up, and the number of circles between and during each cross over changed to match her tune.

When Lily had seen fire poi in shows, she’d been far enough back that she mostly saw streaks of fire, but here, even with Makana dressed in black, the fire illuminated her, highlighted her movements. Makana’s feet moved, a simple forward and back pattern that matched the weaving of her poi balls.

Suddenly she stopped. Her hands came together in front with the balls spinning opposite directions on almost the same circle. It was like a helicopter propeller, but with blades moving opposite ways.

“With more practice, I could use two in each hand and make this a Double Butterfly, but for now,” she moved one hand out to the side and mostly behind her, keeping it spinning as the one in front slowed and then hung, “Want to try?”

Makana, motionless, held the flaming ball at arm’s length in front of her, dangling, while she spun the other behind her body. If Lily stepped forward, past the extinguisher and towel, she could reach out and take it.

“I don’t think it would be safe. I’m not trained or dressed for it.”

“You’re okay, nothing loose or polyester. Keep it a full arm’s length in front of you and you’ll be fine.”

It wasn’t what Lily had been taught. Her circus coach and parents would be appalled. But here she was facing Makana, feeling herself drawn to her, and it occurred to Lily that the person offering her fire might even be able to heal burns. She couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

Lily stepped forward and took the poi chain. She slipped her hand through the loop on the handle, and Makana stepped back, still facing her. Lily kept her arm fully extended and began to spin the poi in a circle. It felt amazing.

Her back straightened. Her chin rose. All she could see at first was the light flying in front of her. The whooshing noise that she’d barely been aware of while Makana sang, now seemed like a wall of sound between them. But Lily could still feel their connection, and then she saw Makana’s poi spinning parallel to hers, but in the opposite direction. It was like the Butterfly move she’d seen, but with the two balls separate, held by different people a few feet apart. It did occur to Lily that if she went off course, her poi could tangle with Makana’s and one or both of them could be hit by flaming balls or metal chains, but holding her circle wasn’t hard. She didn’t need to do any more, just watch the fire fly in circles around her hand.

It wasn’t until the flame went out that Lily let the ball stop. Makana quickly took the handle from her and safely quenched both poi, though neither was burning now. Lily didn’t know exactly when Makana’s had gone out. She also couldn’t believe how sore her arm was. Even when she’d been in better shape, she hadn’t done real strength moves with her arms fully extended that way.

She looked over at Makana’s bare arms and noticed how muscular they were at the shoulders, biceps, and triceps. Her circus coaches would have liked that, and Lily wanted to reach out and run her fingers over Makana’s muscles. But that would be weird. Lily shook her arms, neck, and shoulders, trying to make her muscles relax.

The pull between them was stronger now. Caught up in the moment, she hadn’t thought about it, but now she couldn’t help but wonder.

“Makana, did you plan ahead of time to have me try it?”

There was too long of a pause before Makana said “yes.” If Makana hadn't planned that part or couldn't remember, would she lie to make Lily feel better? Or might she say or believe it because Lily wanted it to be so?

Makana had already loaded most of her supplies back into the duffel bag. She moved beside Lily and the pulling sensation made Lily turn to face her. Makana looked out at the bay. Her face was still shiny and she radiated heat. Lily realized that in other circumstances, she wouldn’t be asking what her friend had intended. Even if she’d deliberately talked Makana into letting her try the fire poi, she wouldn’t have felt bad now, since everything had worked out well.

“That was amazing,” Lily said.

Makana smiled and took Lily’s hand without looking. The tightness rushed out of Lily’s chest and through her arm, the pull between them dissipated or at least changed. Lily was content to stand silently like that for a long time.

 

The next morning, Lily woke to panic. Something moved sickeningly, and she grabbed onto the cloth of her sleeping bag.

Then she remembered she was in a hammock, Makana’s hammock. She’d chosen to sleep up here rather than on the floor or sharing Makana’s bed. A pile of displaced stuffed toys huddled together on the floor. Light glowed through gauzy white curtains above where Makana still slept tangled up on her bed, her face and hair barely showing.

Lily urgently needed to use the bathroom. She wondered if she could get down from the hammock without waking her friend. She wondered if she could even get out of her sleeping bag without tipping the hammock. Squirming a little, she managed to free her arms, but then she chose to risk the zipper noise rather than try to wiggle all the way out. Makana didn’t move at all.

The hammock was hung very close to the ceiling, maybe six feet off the floor. Makana said she’d slept in it before, but it was clearly intended mostly for storage. Lily had climbed up easily enough from the chair by the desk. It was a spinning, rolling, office chair, but it had seemed stable enough when she was starting from the ground. Now Lily, who had performed forty feet in the air on trapeze or circus silks, was nervous about swinging down to it.

She rolled onto her stomach and carefully extended one leg down. Her toes touched the back and then the arm of the chair, but that was the most stability she could reach before sliding her hips over. There was a moment when both hands and her upper foot tensed. Then she felt the seat of the chair come into full contact with her lower foot. The chair turned a bit, but Lily’s usual balance was restored, and she made it all the way down without dumping her sleeping bag or waking Makana.

By the time she returned from the bathroom, Makana was sitting up in bed. Without much talk, they got dressed and made toast.

“Eat while we walk?” Makana asked in the kitchen.

“Outside?”

Makana looked at her with big owl eyes, like she was being silly. But Lily wasn’t at all sure if she wanted to deal with this today.

“Come on.” Makana grabbed her bag from the day before, the one with her knitting and who knew what else. She scooped a couple oranges and some paper towels into the bag, and then took a couple slices of toast in her hand.

Lily picked up her toast as well and followed Makana out. “Are we going back to the school?”

“Let’s try someplace different.”

Makana led her along a few small streets and out to a little pocket park with a couple of old metal benches facing the bay. There wasn’t any sign or parking or play structure, and at the moment, there wasn’t anyone else in sight.

Makana sat down on a bench, and Lily sat beside her. The bay shimmered, and it was as if Lily could see sunlight filtering through the air. In that moment, she became aware of the pull between her and Makana. It had been there before, and she’d managed not to notice. She slipped off her sandals so her feet touched the ground, and the pull became clear and strong. Her feet felt warm before she forced them back into her shoes. She tried to stop the feeling of magical connection, or to at least prevent herself from noticing. It didn’t work. Trying not to think about it made the invisible hook behind her ribs even more annoying.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Makana asked. She kept her gaze out to sea as she spoke. Today she was dressed in a wine red skirt and a long sleeved, black tee shirt with a woman’s face on it. One foot was tucked up under her skirt.

“I want to control it, but I can’t.”

“As a toddler, you probably wanted to control where you walked from the moment you took your first step. Life’s like that.”

“Today I didn’t care where we walked.”

“Maybe you took for granted that you could follow where I led you. You know enough about walking to take your control for granted.”

Lily knew Makana was trying to help her, trying to teach her about magic in her own elliptical way. She ought to be grateful. It wasn’t like they’d been great friends before Makana had figured out Lily used some weird, magical influence on her. If their situations were reversed, Lily wasn’t sure she’d be out here. She’d probably want to help, but it would seem too risky. What if in learning to use magic she asked for or wanted something that harmed Makana?

“I wish I could help people, like you do.”

            “Maybe you can,” Makana offered. “You can try that on Jeffrey at the children’s home, but it’s not something you’d be able to learn with me.”

            “You don’t get sick at all?”

            “Not so far, but that doesn’t prove I couldn’t. There seem to be things I can’t fix.”

            “Like what?”

            “Some blindness. Alzheimer’s. It’s hard to know if I really can’t or just don’t manage it sometimes. It’s a hard thing to improve at, since I don’t get partial results, and I can’t feel if it’s working.”

            “Don’t you feel anything?”

            “I feel that I’m trying, but not the effect.”

            “Can’t you sense the other person, where they are, or some connection between you?”

            Makana shook her head still looking out at the water. Her hair fell forward, hiding more of her face.

            The pull Lily felt grew stronger. It seemed unfair that Makana couldn’t feel it too. For a moment, Lily wanted to describe it, to tell Makana how she’d sensed a connection that first day with Max, a connection between Makana and Max that somehow pulled Lily in. But that felt too vulnerable, too difficult and embarrassing to describe. At the same time, she wanted to move toward Makana, to touch her hair and move it back from her face. She wasn’t sure if that feeling came from the magical connection or because touch sometimes made the connection collapse. With a turn of her stomach, Lily realized she partly wanted to feel the pull and power that was building between them now, even as she also wanted to make it go away.

            “Give me your knitting.”

Makana gathered the bundle of blue-gray yarn that was attached to her needles and a fuzzy knit rectangle and handed them over. It seemed perfectly natural, except maybe there should have been some reaction to the abrupt request and change of topic.

"That didn't seem strange to you?"

Makana glanced at Lily and the bundle of knitting. Very casually she shrugged and said, "It's not like you asked for something we didn't both assume I'd give you. Not much of an experiment."

If Lily wanted to test this power, she needed to ask for something Makana would refuse. Without knowing what was in the bag, it was hard to guess. What would be more precious or personal than the anklet Lily had asked for yesterday? The only thing she could think of was Makana’s underwear, but that would be too embarrassing, for both of them.

            Still, Makana sat there, looking out at the water again. It had been her idea to come here. She was definitely pushing Lily to figure this out. Somehow, Lily suspected that even if it was embarrassing, Makana would understand afterward. And then Lily would know how far this went. Even if it was frightening to test, it would be better to know now. She might not have the guts to find out under any other conditions.

            Beside her, Makana squirmed a bit. She ran both hands along her thighs, as if drying off sweat. It wasn’t that hot though. Lily knew that on some level her idea to ask Makana for her undies was getting through. Did this count as within her control? Could she stop it now? She tried to project words in her mind, _No, I don’t want your underwear._ But even as she thought it, part of her did. She could picture Makana sliding her panties from under her skirt and handing them to Lily. And then Lily would know she had that much control through magic.

            Would Makana know then too? Would she know why she had done it? If she didn’t, Lily would definitely explain, explain that she couldn’t think of anything else as unnatural to ask for. Makana would figure it out anyway, once she was back inside. She’d known that Lily had somehow used magic to induce the sleepover invitation. If she could put up with that, then hopefully she’d understand about the underpants.

            Makana was squirming a little more beside her, using her hands at her hips, like she was maybe rolling her underwear down.

            She was still looking out at the bay, face calm. It was creepy. Lily wanted it all to stop. The whole scene seemed too creepy, making her stomach knot. The pull inside her seemed connected to something bigger, maybe to all of her insides, and she realized then that she felt something more. She was turned on. Even though Lily had never seriously kissed a boy, she’d been flirted at and done a little flirting. There was a tingling on her skin, a tingling and warmness through her center. And that was part of what she was feeling now, about Makana.

            She hadn’t really noticed being interested in girls before, but there were times she’d sort of felt this way, in a crowded hall at school or while reading a book, and she hadn’t really known why she felt it then. She remembered wanting to touch Makana in the clearing where they ate lunch. She’d been wrapped up in wanting to be there for many reasons, but some of it had probably been like this.

            The whole underwear thing seemed more than a little bit weird now. If she hadn’t been thinking of the least likely thing to ask for, if she might actually be attracted to Makana, then it seemed wrong to ask for her underwear this way. And yet, it was probably as good of a test of magical power as Lily was going to come up with, and more than ever, Lily felt she had to find out now or never. Before she knew she’d decided, Lily heard herself saying aloud, “Give me your underwear.”

            One more time, Makana’s hands slid along her hips, presumably rolling her underwear a little farther. And then she stopped and moved her hands the other way, wiggled with quick economy to pull them back into place.

            Makana took a deep breath. “If we talk about this here, can you promise not to do anything else until we’re done talking?”

            Lily nodded. She felt bad, but she also felt relieved. Hearing Makana speak cut the pull she felt in half. It cut everything she felt in half, making Lily feel twice as in control of herself.

            Makana looked at her directly, perhaps because she’d only nodded, not spoken. She nodded again, not quite ready to use words.

            Makana raised her eyebrows and said, “I’m not going to freak out, are you?”

            Lily managed to shake her head, then feeling a little stupid she said, “No, I don’t think so.”

            Makana looked toward the water, but her voice stayed controlled and level. “Lily, do you consider yourself to be bi, straight, gay, questioning, or what?”

            “Well, straight, I guess, until now maybe. I haven’t really done a lot.”

            “Okay. I wasn’t sure if you knew, but I’m definitely interested in girls. That’s why I wouldn’t normally have invited you to spend the night, and why I was sure something else was involved when I invited you. I can deal with what happened, but I wouldn’t want you to try something like that again. To be honest, you’re not really my type, and even if you were, I wouldn’t want to get involved with someone who wasn’t sure about her own identity. Do you get that?”

            “Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m not sure how much of this is mixed up with my feelings about magic. At first, I was just trying to think of something challenging to ask for. When I realized it was turning me on, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it all. I’m sorry.”

            “No freaking out. Apology accepted. Should we go back now?”

            Lily nodded. They got up from the bench, and she followed Makana silently.

            It was a relief when they were back in Makana’s house and the connection between them was cut. Back in Makana’s room, Lily started gathering up her stuff. She tipped her sleeping bag down from the hammock and started stuffing it into its sack.

            Makana sat on her bed, legs crossed under her skirt. With the pull between them gone, Lily wasn’t sure what she felt. Was she still attracted to Makana, or had that been tied up with the magic? Was Makana her friend or a reluctant teacher half conned into helping her?

            “Are you going home now?” Makana asked while looking out her window.

            “I think I should.”

            “Do you want me to walk with you?”

            “It doesn’t matter. I’d totally understand if you don’t want to.”

            Makana looked out the window silently while Lily packed the last of her things and then stood to leave.

            “Maybe not this time, if you really don’t mind.”

            “It’s fine. Thanks for, well, everything.”

            “No problem.” With that, Makana saw her to the door and handed her an orange to eat on the way home.

 

13

Vacation

 

            Back home, Lily crawled into bed with her clothes on. There was something reassuring about being in her own bed with the weight of blankets pressing down, with her smooth, cool pillow against her cheek. It was a safe place to rest and try to sort herself out.

            She didn’t feel like crying. She didn’t feel like sleeping. She didn’t feel like getting anything useful done.

            The pillow was soft against her face. Her arms and legs felt tired to the bone, but her eyes were too restless to stay closed. Not feeling a pull behind her ribs now seemed like a sensation in its own right. Lily tried to remember and understand that pull.

            She felt it whenever she was outdoors with Makana and took the chance to notice. She’d also felt it in a triangle that included Max when Makana helped him. She felt it with Makana’s mother, who was perhaps also magical, for want of a better word. Had she felt it back in New Mexico when she was with Jen? Maybe a few times, or was that a little different? Was the feeling specific to the type of magic? There was also a pull she felt at Makana’s lunch spot, at the fishpond at Kualoa beach, and maybe even on the grass outside of school.

            The pull of places wasn’t quite like the pull of people, but Lily knew somehow they were related, like she understood from some other perspective that slipped sideways through her thoughts. It was an understanding without words, and she remembered Makana sharing her journal entry. Was that only yesterday? It seemed like long ago.

            Lily wasn’t sure what she felt for Makana. Was it fascination? Attraction? Was she ashamed of manipulating her or drawn to the power? Those feelings were all a jumble. It was easier to focus on only the magic.

            At some level, she wanted desperately to be unique and magical. But it was freaky to think she’d manipulated Makana into inviting her over. Had she made Paula invite her along to the beach? Had she been doing this all her life without realizing it, or did it only work on certain people, people with magic of their own? At some point, she would need to experiment, but not yet. She curled up tighter in her bed.

            What she knew so far was that whatever she was doing, it seemed to only work outside. That was kind of a relief. When she wanted to be ordinary, all she had to do was go indoors. If she wanted a fair answer to a request, she could make sure she asked inside.

            But what if she’d thought about it outside? With the whole underwear fiasco, her request seemed to work better when she didn’t say anything out loud. Lily hadn’t even thought she’d decided when she first noticed Makana fiddling with her clothes. What if she’d been sure of what she wanted? Would that have made the request more powerful? If she’d never spoken aloud, would Makana not have realized what was going on? Would she have continued to remove her underwear just sitting there on a park bench? What if someone had seen? What if Lily had wanted something even more embarrassing? What if she’d wanted to make out with Makana? Wouldn’t that have been close to rape?

            Lily hated the idea that she could do something that mean. She never would, now that she knew, but what if she hadn’t known? What if her fist time, whether it was with a boy or a girl, she had managed to force someone without even knowing? Lily felt shivery, but even worse, she also felt warm and tingly. Was she some kind of freak that she could be turned on by thoughts like this? Or was it a natural part of thinking about making out, any kind of making out?

            Whatever the cause, Lily wanted the sensations to go away. She climbed out of bed and walked to her window. She opened it wide and leaned close to the screen. The morning air was cool on her face. It made her feel less shaky, but it didn’t completely cool her other feelings. She needed to think about something else.

            Christmas cards—Lily sat down at her desk to make Christmas cards for her relatives. Why hadn’t she thought about this before? With the mail from Hawaii and the holiday rush, it might be the new year before a card even reached her grandparents.

 

Shortly after noon there was a knock at Lily’s bedroom door. She shoved the cards for her mom and dad under a mess of papers and left only those for her grandparents visible. For as long as she could remember, Lily had given homemade cards to her grandparents and parents. They didn’t seem like a family with strong traditions, and yet, here she was in Hawaii, in high school even, and she was still making paper Christmas cards.

            “Come in,” she called.

            Dad opened the door and smiled as he saw the cards on her desk. “Getting hungry?”

            “Possibly.”

            “I was thinking either tuna melts or tomatoes stuffed with tuna salad.”

            “Stuffed tomatoes sound great.”

            Dad didn’t leave to make lunch though. He came in and sat on her bed. “How was the sleepover?”

            “Okay.”

            “Just okay?”

            Lily was caught between the urge to tell everything and let her dad sort it out, and the sense that it wasn’t his business and she needed privacy for now. “Makana’s alright, but I’m not sure how good of friends we’ll really be.”

            “Why’s that?”

            Rival answers popped through Lily’s mind: Her magic’s better than mine. I can’t control myself around her. She’s a lesbian. She never really liked me. “I’m not sure how I feel about her.”

“Did something happen that you’re not comfortable with?”

That was way too close to the truth. “Dad, does your work here involve anything with the Lokahi Children’s Home?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, in New Mexico you and my friends all turned out to be investigating the same thing. It got kind of weird. Now here, Makana and I are both volunteering at this children’s home, so I’d like to know if there’s anything strange going on.”

 “Okay, I guess that’s a fair reason to ask.” Dad sat back, leaning on his arms. “You know I can’t tell you anything confidential, but I think it’s safe to say I’m not investigating any mysterious disappearances or anything specifically related to the Lokahi site.”

“Nothing weird or magical?”

“No. Is there something you want to tell me?”

Suddenly, Lily was very sure she didn’t want to talk about magic. She didn’t know what she could say that wouldn’t implicate Makana, and friend or not, she wouldn’t give away her secret. But dad was looking at her with more than casual interest. He must know something was up. “No. It seems like—Maybe it’s something about the daytime director at Lokahi.”

“You think she’s involved with the supernatural?”

“No, nothing like that.” Dad was looking at her with one eyebrow raised. If she didn’t say something, he’d start looking for answers himself. “It’s just, I think maybe she drinks on the job, brandy maybe, in her desk.”

“Are you sure, honey? That’s a very serious accusation.”

“I don’t want to accuse her. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

“Don’t say that. You were right to tell me. It’s not only that alcohol might impair an employee’s judgment. In a home like that you could have kids with all sorts of issues related to alcohol use, not to mention if one of them got a hold of a bottle. Can you tell me what you saw?”

“Do I have to?”

“I get the feeling you’re trying to protect someone. Are you sure it’s someone who deserves protecting?”

Lily thought for a moment. Even if Makana did questionable things like looking at private files or playing with fire on the beach, she definitely deserved protecting. She’d healed the two boys, and she’d even tried to help Lily understand her power. It wouldn’t be fair to start anyone investigating Makana. “I’m sure.”

“Did you actually see the alcohol being consumed?”

“No.”

“But you saw it in someone’s desk?”

“Yes.”

“Can you tell me whose desk it was?”

“Sharon Grady.”

“Is there anything else I should know?”

Lily shook her head. “What are you going to do? Will she know I saw it?”

Lily was willing to take the blame alone for Makana’s sake, but she’d rather not be involved at all.

“I’ll see if I can pass it on discretely. Exposing a whistle-blower makes others less likely to report problems. You did the right thing by telling me. Do you feel better now?”

Lily nodded. She couldn’t remember how she’d felt before the conversation began, but she felt good about protecting Makana. And it was reassuring to know Dad wasn’t investigating magic here. She wanted what she was learning to stay private for at least a little longer.

Her dad walked over behind her desk chair and rested a hand on her shoulder. He smelled like garden soil and maybe a little sweaty. She wondered what he could have been working on when they didn’t even have a yard.

“If you bring your cards down at lunch, we can probably get them out in today’s mail.”

Lily nodded with relief as her dad headed back to the kitchen.

 

Christmas came two days later, and Lily crept out of her room at six a.m. She hadn’t been sleeping well anyway. To get to the kitchen, she had to pass through the living room, and there, by fierce morning light slanting in through venetian blinds, she saw her dad decorating a potted palm. He turned to smile at her and put a finger to his lips.

Lily tried not to laugh at the goofy looking plant, and tip-toed on into the kitchen. There she set the oven to preheat and pulled out two scone pans and a cookie sheet. Hard as she tried, her baking wasn’t completely silent, and she thought she heard Mom and Rose moving around in their rooms by the time she had everything in the oven. She set the table next, folding the napkins like fans and setting the cards she’d made for her parents at their places. For Rose, she had a gift certificate saying, “I will take your turn cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming on one weekend of your choice if told no later than Saturday.” She’d also bought Rose an anime bobble-head doll, but that would wait until later when they opened gifts.

For now, she squeezed fresh orange juice and made eggnog without any alcohol. Then she sliced up some pineapple and fried up some bacon. She wrapped bacon around each slice of pineapple and remembered how she’d learned that trick in New Mexico. It seemed like much longer than two or three months ago.

 

Breakfast and opening gifts went well. Mom loved the potted palm, which turned out to be Dad’s gift to her. He’d decorated it with elves dressed in aloha shirts, surfing reindeer, and Santa in a bright red canoe. Then Dad announced they were all going to his co-workers’ Christmas party for the afternoon.

“Oh, Dad,” Rose said. “I had plans.”

“On Christmas?”

“I have to deliver a present to Kei.”

Dad smiled, “Well, invite him along. We’re going to Kualoa beach.”

Rose rolled her eyes but trudged off to find her cell phone.

Lily didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t gone outside since her sleepover with Makana, and Kualoa beach was where she’d been drawn out into the old fishpond. If she wasn’t careful, something embarrassing might happen involving magic. But it could also be the chance she needed to experiment.

Besides, it was Christmas. There was no way she could get out of family plans on Christmas. She might as well make the best of it. With a smile she said, “I’ll pack some of the lemon cookies to take along. When do we leave?”

“About one thirty,” Dad said.

Mom smiled at Lily and reached out to squeeze her hand. “It was really sweet of you to make breakfast and those lovely cards.”

“I couldn’t think of anything else you needed for Christmas.” As Lily said it, she thought what Mom really needed was a job. She’d had a job wherever they went since Rose had started first grade, and she clearly liked it that way. But now Mom looked at Lily as if that thought hadn’t occurred to her, and all she really wanted was a card and some scones. She seemed fully happy in that moment, and Lily felt strangely proud. She gave her mom a hug before heading off to the kitchen.

 

By two o’clock, Lily was wandering along Kualoa beach. Among Dad’s coworkers and all their relatives, there were no other high schoolers, and that suited Lily fine. She’d drifted through polite greetings and questions, grabbed a handful of chips, and wandered away.

The beach was crowded with a dozen different parties, most of them setting up barbeques. It wasn’t especially warm, definitely worth keeping her windbreaker on, but nonetheless, there were kids in the water. People she passed said “Merry Christmas” or “Mele Kalikimaka,” and Lily responded to both with “Merry Christmas.” She felt bad and good at the same time.

The celebrations on the beach seemed very open, like everyone was glad to be there together, like the separate holiday groups were part of one larger community celebration. Even though some groups seemed to be all one extended family, one maybe all native Hawaiian, another probably Chinese, it didn’t feel like school where Lily was still an outsider. Here, no one could tell how new she was to Hawaii or that this was her first Christmas on a beach. It was as if by standing on this beach she declared herself Hawaiian.

But she was an outsider. She looked at these friendly people and wondered if she could make them do things. She was plotting to test her magic on them, right here, today.

She walked down the beach to the fish pond and sat a few yards out on the sand. It wasn’t hard to dig her fingers in, and the sand wasn’t as cold as she’d expected. She closed her eyes and started to count backward in her mind, but she didn’t need to. The ground beneath her fingers tugged and warmed her. The water in front of her seemed to mist the air and reach her through the skin on her face. There were glowing balls of life swimming a hundred feet out in the water. There were warm tiny lives in the bushes behind her. And over on the beach, where her family and all the others celebrated Christmas, there were a couple of large, burning shapes. Lily tried to concentrate, and then she tried counting backward again, wondering if she could sense more of the people. There were only two until something warm pulled out of the water and bobbed up the shore in a motion she inferred was a child running.

Lily opened her eyes. She saw the child, a boy of eight or nine in green swim trunks, pulling a bright yellow styrofoam kickboard behind him. He ran toward a group of adults who looked mostly Asian. The boy had fairly dark skin and black hair, but Lily couldn’t tell from here if he was Asian-American, Native Hawaiian, or some mix. She wondered if it mattered, whether magic might be more common in some groups than others, whether magic tied to the land might depend on what land your ancestors came from. Or maybe the heritage for magic came from somewhere else, from wherever her father's mother came from. Lily had never particularly thought of herself as white, but now she missed not having a name for that other heritage.

She assumed it was magic, or something related that she had in common with the others, that made those few people glow when she closed her eyes. With her hands still buried in the sand, Lily could see by closing her eyes for a moment that the little boy was moving, grabbing food from a table where a glowing adult sat. It was an older woman, more likely the boy’s grandmother than mother Lily thought, but hard to tell at this distance.

Lily wondered if she could make the boy bring her some food. Surely that wouldn’t hurt anyone. It probably wouldn’t even seem that strange for a kid to walk down the beach and offer something to a girl like her who was sitting alone. She was still kind of hungry and thought some chips would be nice.

Nothing seemed to happen. Maybe she didn’t want it badly enough. Maybe the boy was too far away or immune to her magic. Lily closed her eyes, still seeing the boy as a moving glow. She said in her mind,

_Please bring me food. I want a little bit of food from you._

After several minutes of nothing, Lily decided to walk back down the beach. She pulled her fingers out of the sand but still felt somehow enveloped by the land. She walked slowly back toward her group, not really looking at the people she passed, just watching the sand and feeling it between her toes. She glanced sideways enough to know when she was near the little boy and the woman at his table who had also glowed. _I really want you to offer me food. I wish you would bring me something to eat._

But nothing happened, and Lily walked on by. It didn’t work. The disappointment hurt inside, but Lily’s shoulders relaxed and she felt lighter, almost happy. She wandered over near her Dad and the table of snacks his coworkers had brought. The lemon cookies she’d baked this morning were there, but she’d already had enough of those. She munched on some potato chips and eyed a Jell-O salad that hadn't been there before. It had crumbled pretzels on top, which should have been disgusting but was instead rather tempting. Still, there weren’t any spoons or bowls. While it was on the snack table, no one had served any yet. Lily guessed this party was going to last a while. The barbeque still held only coals, no food, and the grown-ups weren’t really tending it much. Grabbing a handful of snack mix that included rice crackers and something wrapped in seaweed, Lily headed the other way along the beach.

She didn’t go as far this time. There was something she had to settle.

Once she’d finished her handful of food, Lily dug her fingers into the sand again and closed her eyes. The other glowing figure had been down here with her father’s group, and Lily had to be sure she knew who it was. First she made sure that her mom, dad, and sister were all clearly situated in front of her. Holding her mental map of their positions and the people around them, she closed her eyes. The glowing shapes formed quickly in her mind’s eye this time, and the only near one seemed very familiar and right where she’d expected.

Lily opened her eyes and felt a slight jerk behind her ribs; it was her dad. He didn’t stumble or look her way, but Lily felt much as she had with Makana at their lunch spot. She kind of wanted him to notice.

_Look this way, Dad. Come talk to me,_ she thought. But he didn’t react. She could feel the connection between them, but her magic didn’t seem to have any effect. It was more of a relief than she’d expected. All of her body relaxed. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her face. The ground beneath her felt comfortingly warm as well. Maybe it wasn’t too silly to spend Christmas on the beach. Her mind drifted for a while on the sounds of the surf. Then she started to wonder what was different about Makana.

Was it that Makana had been a willing volunteer? But the first time, when she had invited Lily to spend the night, she hadn’t meant to. Could she have wanted to on some level? Even if she said Lily wasn’t her type and she wouldn’t get involved with someone so undecided, she could at some level have wanted to have Lily over, either because she was attracted to her or just as a friend.

Were they still friends? Had the overnight been too freaky? Lily missed Makana. She’d like to spend more time with her over vacation and try to learn more about magic. Or they could work with poi balls or other circus stuff together and avoid the subject and effects of magic completely. There was something about Makana that intrigued Lily, that made her want to hear whatever Makana was willing to tell. Did that have to do with magic? Did it mean she was attracted to Makana? Or could it be a natural reaction in getting to know a new and interesting person?

Lily looked around the beach. If she couldn’t practice magic today, maybe she could learn about something else. The first time she’d heard girls giggle about some guy having a nice butt, she hadn’t thought she was attracted by that sort of thing. But when she looked around her PE class, she’d realized that some guys did have cute butts and she could get sort of turned on looking at them and thinking about guys that way. now she looked around the beach trying to figure out who she might find attractive if she paid attention.

There weren’t any other girls her age, but there were plenty of women much younger than her mother. Lots of them were dressed in tight pants and revealing tops. In the group next to hers on the beach, there were several young women who’d clearly dressed to be attractive. And their breasts did draw the eye, even Lily’s eye now that she was thinking about them. It was somewhat amazing how various women chose a low scoop neck or a deep “V” to show off however much they had. One tiny dark-haired woman who didn’t have any more of a figure than Lily, had chosen a tight red tank top and cropped black pants that seemed to wrap her like a Christmas package. Lily could feel a sort of tingly, maybe turned on reaction in her body even as she thought about how she could use clothes like that if she ever wanted to attract some interest without seeming to try too hard.

So, she could get turned on by women. It wasn’t a real revelation. Sexy ads were sexy even if a woman was looking at a woman. Hadn’t there been some unit at school about advertising awareness that tried to make that point?

Lily looked at the guys butts in the group partying next to them and decided she was probably a pretty typical almost fifteen-year-old and could be turned on by all sorts of body types if she thought about it the right way. It was kind of pleasant but also kind of embarrassing.

She closed her eyes again and let herself enjoy her special connection to the beach. She noted the glowing forms of her father, the woman down the beach, and the boy who was playing near but not in the water now. She tried to track the glowing shapes out in the water, wondering if they were fish or maybe something bigger like dolphins. Some inner understanding made her think they were fish, and that seemed pretty magical and amazing in a purely good way.

Then she noticed another glowing person on the beach, not very far from the glow that was her father. It was getting easier to parse these things, and she knew the glowing person was bigger than the child down the beach, but noticeably smaller than her dad. She opened her eyes and felt a quick tug. It was Kei, and he was holding Rose’s hand, but of course, Rose had been invisible to Lily’s closed eyes.

Kei’s mom, Leilani, was back in the parking lot, getting out of their jeep. Makana didn’t appear to have come with them. Lily closed her eyes again to check, and sure enough, Leilani glowed as she walked across the beach toward Kei and Rose but there was no Makana glowing in or near the car. It was almost frightening, having Leilani, Kei, and her dad that close together, three out of five glowing humans on the whole beach. Of course, no one else saw them that way. She wondered if Leilani would have something to say about her dad’s aura, but of course, they’d met before the sleepover. Leilani had probably already seen whatever she could see.

Lily had no desire to go over and chat. It hurt that Makana hadn’t come with them. Of course, Rose had called and invited Kei, and Lily hadn’t thought to call Makana. She tried to rationalize about Kei being Rose’s boyfriend, while she and Makana weren’t even sure where they stood as friends. But still, if she’d known Kei’s mom was going to drive him out here, she should have invited Makana. This was part of what Lily disliked about telephones. They complicated things. Face to face, it was much easier to see what everyone was doing or should do.

Magic complicated things, too. Lily wouldn’t know how to talk to Leilani about it and suspected Makana wouldn’t want her to. It seemed like something their family didn’t talk about.

Of course, Lily’s family didn’t talk about it much either. They’d talked about the strange things that happened in New Mexico, but Lily hadn’t told her dad about anything here or about what she was discovering within herself. Was that how it should be? It didn’t feel right to Lily, but she also wasn’t sure she wanted to discuss it yet, even with her dad who glowed whenever she closed her eyes.

She kept her eyes open as much as possible for now. Leilani was approaching Lily’s dad, holding out a large plastic bowl full of cherries. He thanked her and placed it on the table. Lily could barely hear him introducing her around, explaining to someone how both of Leilani’s kids seemed to have become friends with both of his kids and they hadn’t even realized until today. Leilani wore a loose Hawaiian dress that Lily had learned was called a muumuu. In Lily’s opinion, she looked much better in it than the other middle-aged women from Dad's work who seemed kind of goofy dressed that way. But up and down the beach all sorts of people were dressed all sorts of ways. Lily decided she should get over it.

The three parents looked over at Lily at one point in their conversation. She waved and smiled but made no move to get up.

Kei was called over and introduced with Rose no longer holding his hand. Lily wondered how serious the relationship was. Rose had never brought a boyfriend to meet their parents before. For that matter, Lily hadn’t either. Other than a couple of group dates and being set up with someone for a couple of junior high dances, Lily hadn’t ever had a boyfriend to even think about bringing home.

She wondered if that should bother her, but the whole attracted to boys/ attracted to girls/ attracted to anyone question didn’t seem like a big deal at the moment. There were people who glowed when she dug her fingers into the ground and closed her eyes. She could sense fish in the ocean. That was definitely the most interesting thing going on with her right now, and as long as she didn’t seem to be able to influence anyone but Makana, who wasn’t here, it was kind of great to sit with her fingers in the sand.

As her eyes closed again, she noticed something had changed. It was like an unexpected movement glimpsed from the corner of her eyes. Then as she looked, with her eyes closed, and she could see little flicks of light, like solar flares, jumping out from the smaller of the glowing figures in her group. Lily opened her eyes to be sure, and it was Kei, standing a few yards from the main group, and Rose was running her hand through the hair on the back of his head. They didn’t seem particularly romantic, just talking softly, but Lily didn’t think she should watch with eyes open or closed. She looked back out to sea.

 

Leilani and Kei didn’t stay more than an hour, and Lily wasn’t forced to make much conversation with them or anyone else. After people finally ate barbequed kabobs and teriyaki corn on the cob, at around four, the party devolved into an embarrassing grown-up sing along. Some bald guy in a faded Hawaiian shirt played jingle bells on the ukulele, and then the older woman who from Dad's work who was hosting the gathering led silent night on conga drums. After that she did drummer boy, which made more sense at least. Lily scooped some of the Jell-O and pretzel creation into a bowl that had finally appeared and decided it was pretty tasty. She took seconds as those who knew how started singing in Hawaiian. The only words she recognized were, “Mele Kalikimaka,” what lots of people had said in place of Merry Christmas as she walked down the beach. She briefly wished she could dig her fingers into the ground and understand words in other languages. That would be a cool sort of magic to have.

When it was finally time to clean up and go home, Rose rushed off to the car claiming she was cold rather than pick up any trash or wrap up any food. It was annoying to have to end things on such a petty note after everyone had been friendly all afternoon, and Lily wished she didn’t have to sit next to Rose on the drive home.

Walking to the car Dad said, “Why don’t you sit up front with Mom, and I’ll ride in back with Rose.”

As if yanked on the end of a leash, Lily was suddenly aware that she could feel a connection pulling behind her ribs, connecting her to her father. But she’d felt that before when trying to call him to her didn’t work. Now she was horrified to think she could put thoughts into his head, but she couldn’t let it go without knowing for sure. There hadn’t really been dessert at the party, other than her cookies, which had been finished before dinner was served, and the Jell-O, which was sort of a salad. She’d thought a few minutes ago that it would be fun to have ice cream for Christmas, and now she tried to think and want ice cream as hard as she could.

The pull between her and her Dad seemed strong enough to limit her breathing, and in a moment he said, “And let’s stop and pick up some ice cream on the way home.”

Lily hurried her steps, trying not to think or feel anything before they reached the car. She hoped it would count as being inside, and she said to her dad, “It’s okay, I’ll ride in back, and I think I’ve had plenty to eat.”

She practically threw herself into the backseat beside Rose. The moment she shut the car door the pull between her and her father diminished by half. It was a relief, as if she might have been strangled by that pull like a leash, but as she thought about it, she imagined it more like having her dad on a leash, and that seemed even worse.

 

On the day after Christmas, Lily was reluctant to leave her room. She’d managed through breakfast, but it was strange being around her dad after the backseat and ice cream incident the day before. At some point she was going to have to talk to him, but so far she couldn’t even imagine the conversation in her mind. Perhaps that meant she wasn’t ready to think about it.

Flipping through several of her favorite books, she discovered she wasn’t interested in reading either. She picked up the plastic bag poi balls she’d made and started experimenting with various strings and different weights, trying to make them feel more like the fire poi she’d spun with Makana. They seemed about right when she heard voices in the hall and then a knock at her door.

“Yes?”

Mom opened it and Lily saw Makana as she placed which voices she’d been hearing.

“Your friend dropped by with a gift,” Mom said.

Lily immediately panicked. She wanted to see Makana badly. It was almost like the pull she felt outside, but she hadn’t even thought of getting her a Christmas present. Seeing her now, in the doorway, Lily didn’t know what to do. Her heart was racing, and she wanted to tell her everything, but instead she shrugged a half-hearted, “Hi.”

As Makana stepped in, Lily’s mom walked away. Neither of them closed the door, and Lily wanted to but didn’t move from where she stood across the room.

Makana seemed relaxed, holding a bundle in her arms. She wore a dark skirt and a knit burgundy top with a hood that displaced her hair enough to make it look even fuller. She looked amazing, and Lily wondered if she was noticing because she’d started herself thinking about these things more or if Makana actually looked better than usual.

“Here,” Makana held out the bundle, wrapped in flecked red paper with braided yarn for the ribbon.

Lily stepped forward to take it, and could tell at once that it was books. “Have a seat.”

Makana sat on the bed but seemed to sit a little too straight. Maybe she was picking up on Lily’s nervousness, or maybe she missed having the books to hide behind.

Lily sat in her desk chair and unwrapped the gift. As soon as the books were exposed Makana said, “They’re just books I had, some of them are really too young for us. But they were things I wanted to read around the time I wrote that journal entry I showed you.”

“Thanks,” Lily said. She felt better knowing it wasn’t a bought gift, but she wished she had something to give Makana. She looked at the covers of the five books, and they were all about people with magic, but none of them seemed tied to nature or healing powers, at least not from the cover blurbs. Lily carried them over to her bookshelf and shut her bedroom door while she was up.

Makana was staring out the window as she said, “They’re just stories, nothing special, but I guess, they’re sort of like company.”

Lily wanted to sit down on the bed beside Makana and cry. Was Makana lonely? Had she felt lonely figuring all this out on her own, even if her Mom might have some magic of her own? Lily realized she hadn’t only been sad about Makana not coming to the beach, she’d felt isolated by what she’d learned there.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call and invite you to the beach thing yesterday. You would have been welcome; I didn’t know what Rose had arranged. And I never really liked phones.”

“Because people aren’t real to you on the phone?”

Lily looked at Makana, not sure what to say to that, but Makana looked down at her hands. “It’s something my mom says, because she can look for auras in a person, if she wants, but she can’t use that on the phone.”

“I disliked phones even before I started seeing or feeling, well, whatever I see or feel with people. It’s only some people anyway. I experimented yesterday, on the beach.”

Makana smiled, “I thought you would.”

“Is that why you didn’t come?”

“Partly,” Makana nodded, “but I had other things to do, too.”

“I don’t blame you. Yesterday, I accidentally made my dad offer to sit in the back seat and buy us ice cream.”

“Wow,” Makana looked up, and Lily knew something bad must have shown on her face, because Makana reached out to take her hand. She was still standing between the door and the bed, which suddenly seemed really stupid. She sat down beside Makana.

“I don’t want to do that to my dad.”

Makana stayed silent, and Lily added, “I don’t want to do that to you, either. Just, my dad doesn’t even know. I’m screwing this up badly, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re doing fine. That’s why I tried to help. You seemed like a good person who deserves whatever help I can give.”

“Thanks.” Some of the panic in Lily eased at that, but there was also a lump deep in her throat like a fist full of tears. Makana seemed to understand, and they sat without talking for a minute. Then Lily knew what she had to tell. “I realized, only a few people show up when I close my eyes and dig my finger in the ground, but yesterday, I could sense a bunch of animals. I could sense fish way out in the waves.”

“That’s great!” Makana’s eyes widened and mouth opened for a moment. “Could you control them?”

“I didn’t try. I tried to control a little boy who glowed that way, but it didn’t work. Then again, it didn’t work when I meant to try it on my father.”

“But he glowed?”

“Yeah, him and two other people on the beach, and then your mom and brother when they showed up.”

“Did you try anything on them?”

“No, I wouldn’t. I won’t try anything on you if you don’t want me to. I promise, well, at least I’ll try not to.”

With Makana still holding her hand, Lily could feel her tense.

“I’m sorry,” Lily said.

“No, don’t be. You’re doing your best, and it’s not really fair for me to be wierded out by your differences.”

“Why? I don’t think I could have dealt with it at all in your place.”

“Really? I think you could, after going through it yourself. I sometimes think the people who see themselves as different are the only ones who can truly accept difference in others, not that they always do. But I think you could. You’ll find your way through this.”

“I hope so.” Lily wanted to babble on, to thank Makana for being nice to her, for letting her experiment and reassuring her that it was all right. But somehow she felt uncomfortable. It was even a little strange to be holding Makana’s hand.

Lily stood up and went to her box of juggling stuff. “Here, I want to give you this.” She held up a yellowish plastic ball, with the luster of a bad fake pearl but almost the size of her palm. “It glows in the dark, and you can do tricks like this.” Lily rippled her finger to spin the ball in her hand and then cast it up to her fingertips. The first time she tried to roll it down the back of her hand it fell. She hadn’t practiced contact juggling as much as she should to keep her skills. But soon she found her rhythm and managed to transfer back of hand to back of hand, back to palm to other palm, and down her arm to an elbow stall.

“You don’t need to give me anything. I would have thought of the books eventually, even if it wasn’t Christmas.”

Lily held the ball out in front of Makana. “I want you to have it. It’ll be something to try in the dark when you can’t do fire poi.”

Makana smiled as she took the ball, and Lily knew she’d sounded stupid but had made Makana happy anyway.

 

After Makana left, Lily started reading the books immediately. They were consuming and comforting. Even knowing they were just stories, almost certainly made up by people who didn’t even believe in magic, they made Lily feel accepted and less alone. By the end of the next day, she’d read all but the longest book, and a couple of ideas seemed to come up over and over. Magic had rules, and there was always a price.

Lily wondered if the writers all read the same stuff and decided that was how stories about magic had to work. But part of her wanted there to be rules she could discover. As for the price, Lily remembered Makana saying she felt tired or maybe weak after healing some people. Thus far, Lily didn’t seem to have paid any price but embarrassment, but maybe she hadn’t figured out enough. Anyway, she was back to wanting to experiment, not with controlling anyone, but with seeing people glow.

When Dad came home from his first day back at work, Lily waited until he and Rose were watching TV in the living room. Lily went in and poked her fingers into the soil of the potted palm. She closed her eyes and even counted a little, but didn’t see any glow.

“What are you doing?” Rose asked, without even waiting for a commercial.

“Just seeing if the palm needs water.” Lily had thought of the excuse ahead of time. Rose still raised her eyebrows as if hearing curiously advanced pond scum speak.

 

The next night. Lily brought her own planting project into the living room while everyone was watching TV. She’d collected dirt from the apartment yard, the park where she and Makana had survived the underwear incident, and the place where Makana ate lunch on school days. She’d also bought a packet of frangipani seeds.

“Now what are you up to?” Rose asked. Lily happened to be setting up during a commercial break this time.

“Planting flowers. I thought something growing across from the palm would look nice.

“Be careful of the carpet,” Mom said.

Dad smiled, clearly pleased that his palm had inspired something more.

Lily waited for the show, some comedy special, to start before she dug her fingers in to plant a seed in the apartment lot soil. She closed her eyes for a full count of twenty and felt like her mind was open, but she couldn’t see her father’s glow. She tried again with each of the other pots of soil, but nothing happened. Maybe the soil had to be connected to real ground. That would be okay with Lily, at least she’d have sorted out one clear rule. But she remembered how her first test of actively using magic on her Dad hadn’t worked and then how casually heading to the car things had changed.

She sat with her hands resting on top of two pots of soil through the first fifteen minutes of a show, but nothing happened. No glow behind her eyelids, no tug in her chest, no sudden fulfillment of her wants. Lily put the flowerpots on the window sill and went to wash her hands. Only part of her was disappointed that her experiment hadn’t worked. Part of her was glad to still be safe indoors.

 

14

Makana

Back at school when the first lunchtime came around, Lily started out toward where she ate with Makana, but halfway across the back field, she lost her nerve. Much as she’d missed Makana the last few days of vacation, Lily had never gotten up the courage to call or go visit. They’d left their friendship on a positive note, and it was hard to take chances that might shift the balance.

It would be uncomfortable sitting outside with Makana where they both knew magic had happened before. Wouldn’t Makana spend the whole time wondering if she was being influenced through magic? Even if Lily promised to try her best, neither of them could be sure it wouldn’t happen. If nothing else, Lily suspected she’d spend the whole time worrying, and it would be easier to wait and see Makana on the bus, even if they never really talked there.

As she stood undecided, Lily became aware of the grass under her feet, of a vague warmth and pull making her want to sit down. Was it part of her magic to be drawn to nature or was there some way in which her wants bounced back at her, urging her to sit? Either way, she sat in the full sun on the warm grass. She could see where Makana’s path headed into the woods and knew that Makana was probably out there already.

Lily pulled out her ham sandwich and closed her eyes as one hand clung to the ground. At first, there was nothing. Moving her head from side to side, she couldn’t find anyone glowing on the whole back lawn. Opening her eyes, she saw there must be two or three hundred students in sight. Why couldn’t she see anything the other way? On the beach, there’d been two strangers who glowed out of a smaller number of people total.

Lily took a bite of sandwich and tried again, but there was nothing at any angle on the lawn. It was only when she faced toward the trees that she picked up a few bright dots. Perhaps they were birds. They seemed too still to be squirrels. Despite whatever had urged her to sit down, there wasn’t much warmth or much sense of connection here.

Opening her eyes again, Lily wondered if all animals glowed. If so, did that mean they all had some magic? Or was it even magic she was seeing? She’d heard in middle school that there were lots of reasons why animals, and some unfortunate humans, couldn’t use spoken language. Maybe they couldn’t hear or couldn’t differentiate the sounds used. Maybe they couldn’t physically form the sounds to make words or couldn’t mentally organize the ideas that went with words. The point had been that if any one of the abilities was missing, spoken language wouldn’t work.

What if the glow she saw with her eyes closed was only one part of magic? What if it was like being able to hear speech sounds? Maybe some people or animals that glowed still couldn’t use magic. To the best of Lily’s knowledge her dad couldn’t, despite the strangeness he’d been involved with in New Mexico and what they suspected about his mother.

What if one piece of being able to use magic came from knowing that magic was possible? Maybe seeing people glow or influencing them with what she wanted only worked for Lily because she’d started to believe in magic after New Mexico? And Makana must have somewhat believed because her mother saw auras and worked to realign them. And hadn’t Leilani been the one who first suggested Makana could help people?

Still, if Leilani, Makana, and Lily all did different things with magic, there must be more to it than believing and whatever caused the glow. And for Lily it seemed to involve some connection to the outdoors or nature. She’d love to know how that fit in.

Lily was surprised to find she’d run out of lunch. Her bag was empty, and glancing at her watch, there were a couple minutes before the warning bell would ring. Perhaps it was better to go inside now and not risk seeing Makana coming back from her lunch place. Lily didn’t think any of her wants could get away from her that fast, but it was easier not to worry. She hurried inside.

 

After school, Lily tried not to be too early to the bus stop. Unfortunately, the bus was late. She ended up standing on the sidewalk with Makana and the others. The pull between her and Makana was especially strong this time, but Lily felt it like a guilty secret pulling right from her heart. She was pretty sure she could feel the grass pulling from the other side of the walk.

Everyone had said “hi” when Lily walked up, but Lily had chosen to stand at a neutral distance, not preventing conversation, but not forcing it either. Kim, Ling-Ling and John stood a little to one side, talking quietly. Paula glanced at Lily occasionally, but seemed uninterested in chatting.

Makana appeared to be reading something in her spiral notebook, but after a moment she stepped closer to Lily and closing the notebook said, “You could have stopped by at lunch today.”

Lily said, “Sorry,” noticing that Paula had looked up when they started to speak.

“Your choice, either way.”

Lily wasn’t sure if Makana had missed her and actually wanted to get together daily or if she wanted to reassure Lily that the magic stuff wasn’t a problem between them. Either way, Makana had bothered to say something when usually she didn’t talk at the bus stop or on the bus. Lily appreciated the effort. Then she felt a hot flash of panic. She couldn’t have forced Makana to come over and reassure her, could she have?

Glancing at Paula made her feel even worse. Paula looked like she’d lost her last friend by hearing that Lily ate lunch with Makana now. Lily knew she hadn’t been a very good friend to Paula but didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t really tell her that it was nothing personal, she’d just been busy learning about magic.

Luckily, the bus pulled up. Lily thought everything would return to normal, but some guy she’d never seen climbed out of the driver’s seat. He didn’t look much older than them, maybe twenty at the most, tan and probably Hawaiian. He was the kind of guy she’d expect to teach surfing, not drive the children’s home bus.

“You’re the student volunteers, right?” He opened the side door on the van, without really waiting for their murmured answers.

The others all piled in, and the surfer guy didn’t introduce himself or say anything further. Lily ended up last, and she asked, “Are you subbing for Mrs. Mao today?”

“Today and the rest. She’s been promoted to head of the day shift.”

Lily’s stomach sank. “What happened to Mrs. Grady?”

“She got laid off.” He made a hand symbol with his thumb and pinky sticking out. Then he tipped his hand as if he was drinking from his thumb.

Lily wasn’t sure she would have understood if she hadn’t expected the answer. Mrs. Grady had lost her job for drinking, all because Lily had told. Lily quickly looked into the bus to see if anyone had heard. Everyone had. They were all looking at Lily and the driver. Makana’s eyes seemed to sear into Lily, but what could she do?

Lily got on the bus, and the new driver went up front and drove.

 

The bus ride seemed to take forever. Makana stopped glaring at Lily after the first minute or so, but her scribbling in her book seemed even more frantic that usual. Or maybe that was Lily’s imagination. She’d seen enough in two month to suspect something was wrong with Mrs. Grady, even if Makana hadn’t shown her the bottle. Lily told herself this could have happened independently. It might have nothing to do with what she’d told her dad. But she didn’t really believe that.

At the children’s center, she walked to the rec room with John. The little boy who’d asked about juggling last time was there again, setting up rows of dominoes. He jumped up and ran to her, grabbing the hem of her shirt.

“Did you bring juggling stuff?”

Lily nodded. Her heart wasn’t in it, but some part of her mind was glad that she’d remembered and that this boy was excited to try it. She pulled out juggling scarves and balls.

“The first thing to learn is how to throw a single scarf up and catch it in your other hand, doing it about the same every time.”

In a way, Lily thought, it was easier to teach something she wasn’t that good at and had learned fairly recently herself. It had been a couple years, but Lily still had to think about not throwing too high and not tensing her shoulders just to keep her own juggling in control. She could remember the order in which she’d been taught each step.

Most of the kids didn’t want to learn one step at a time. She did her best to make them try throwing one scarf or one beanbag hand to hand first, but soon her supplies were scattered across the floor and lots of kids were trying (and failing) to juggle three at a time. The littlest boy, the one who’d run up when she came in, was actually doing pretty well, because he’d stuck with scarves. It was a lot easier to keep three scarves in the air than three balls or three beanbags.

The adult who’d been teaching origami or something with paper when they arrived, had quickly cleaned up her area. She smiled at Lily as every child in the room was drawn into the juggling lesson, and to her credit, the woman tried to help, asking kids to try with one and then two items before going on to three. She even caught on when Lily asked kids to keep the balls low, around eye level, and to try to make every throw the same. Lily heard her instructions echoed and hoped she was teaching it right.

At least half an hour passed with Lily going from one kid to another, answering questions or giving advice. For some older kids, who were actually close to getting it, she’d stand beside them, and she’d be the right hand to their left, trying to help them keep the balls in control. Real juggling teachers made that look easy, but Lily had never tried it as the “teacher” before.

She was startled when John, who she hadn’t been noticing much, called her over and asked her to “do that side by side thing” with him. He had a set of three red vinyl juggling balls that would have been too large for most of the kids’ hands, and he handed two to Lily and then moved in on her left. He put his right arm around her waist. It was something she’d done with the kids, to keep them both in position, but it wasn’t the same with John. She didn’t feel like he just wanted to learn juggling, and she was nervous as her body reacted to his touch. A tingling sensation moved out from where his hand touched her waist, and her face felt much too warm.

            He was bending his knees to make his hand more level with hers, the way she’d bent to match the smaller kids. His hip brushed hers, and she could smell his sweat, but it didn’t smell bad somehow.

            “Throw,” he said, and she let one ball fly much too fast. It overshot, as did the one he threw back, but she threw the third ball automatically, and John managed to catch it. Then they separated to pick up the two dropped balls and came back together to try again.

            John’s hand returning to her waist started Lily tingling all over again, but she told herself she had to get the juggling right or the whole situation would be even more embarrassing. When John said, “Throw,” she took a deep breath and measured her toss. John tossed and caught. She tossed and caught. He tossed and missed, but her throw had been fine.

            “I think I better help the kids some more,” she said, not knowing whether the smile on her face would seem fake, embarrassed, or flirtatious. For that matter, she wasn’t sure what she was feeling. Obviously, her body had reacted to John’s touch, but that didn’t mean she was interested in him, did it? He was involved with Ling-Ling now, and he probably hadn’t meant anything by it, but she still kind of wished he’d keep his distance. Feeling like this was confusing, especially when she didn’t think she’d ever want to be involved with John. He’d dumped Paula, who was still her friend, wasn’t she?

John was probably the kind of guy who flirted at any girl around. Lily had never had a boyfriend, but some of the guys at circus had flirted. Sometimes she’d even done doubles routines with them. It was kind of nice to be liked, and in a way, she was flattered that John showed some interest in her. Being honest with herself, she still felt sort of tingly where he’d touched her, and it was more pleasant to feel it now that she’d walked across the room. She squatted down to retrieve a ball a girl with glasses had dropped.

“Can you show me how you throw with one ball first?” she asked the girl, who nodded and tried again.

 

By the bus ride home, Lily had forgotten all about the awkward moment with John. She was thinking about Makana, who didn’t look up from her writing, and wondering if Makana could cure alcoholism.

As they left the bus, Makana walked away down the hill without a backward glance. Lily said “goodbye” to Paula, trying not to seem too eager to follow Makana, but then she hurried off as well. Both of their homes were in the same direction. It wasn’t until the edge of the school grounds that Lily actually called out, “Makana, wait up!”

Makana stopped, but she didn’t look back or meet Lily’s eyes as she approached. Lily could feel the pull of magic grow between them, even as she tensed at Makana’s cold body language.

“What do you want?” Makana asked.

“Are you mad at me?” Lily knew Makana was, and knew she wanted her not to be. She didn’t want to want it in any magical or controlling way, but she didn’t know how to prevent the magic or even if it was the kind of thing her magic could affect in the first place.

“I trusted you,” Makana said, and there was more emotion in it than Lily had ever seen Makana express. “I don’t usually tell people anything. I don’t know why I told you about Mrs. Grady’s drinking. Maybe I thought it was no big thing if I was trusting you with my biggest secret. But now I’ll never trust you again. If I catch myself starting to, I’ll know it’s your magic. So, don’t even try.”

She started to walk away. Lily was torn, because she wanted more than anything to have Makana like her again. But she knew she’d hate herself if that happened and she thought it even might be through magic. She took a deep breath and tears came to her eyes as she realized how upset Makana was and that it was all her fault. She ran forward to catch up again.

“Please, Makana, wait. I didn’t mean to tell anything. If she got better, I’m sure Mrs. Grady could get her job back. Don’t you think you could make her better? Alcoholism is a disease, isn’t it?”

“I have no idea, but I don’t want anything more to do with you. It’s your problem. You can try to fix it. Now leave me alone.”

“Please, I’m sorry. I would never tell anyone anything about you. I’ll do anything you ask.”

“Then go away!” Makana didn’t look back as she said it. Her hands were balled into fists, but a sudden shudder of her back suggested she was crying or close to it as she strode away fast enough that it was almost a run.

Lily felt the magic pull at her chest like it would tear her heart out. She wished Makana could understand, but then she tried not to wish it, because she didn’t dare use magic right now. If Makana turned around and forgave her, said it was all stupid and they’d always be friends, she’d know as soon as she got inside that it hadn’t been real. Lily wished Makana wouldn’t hurt that way, even if she stayed angry at Lily. Maybe it wasn’t right to wish that either, but the moment was too painful for Lily not to want to fix things somehow. She told herself she wasn’t trying to use magic, but just in case, it was better to want the least selfish thing that she could honestly feel.

Dragging her feet, she didn’t try to catch up with Makana again. She wiped the tears from her face and tried to look as normal as possible walking home. It would be a relief to go inside, to cut the pull she could still feel like giant claws in her chest, but when she reached the front of her apartment building, somehow she couldn’t walk up the stairs. She went around to the side instead and wandered to the end of the parking area. There was a row of long leafed plants in a strip along the fence, and the pull within Lily now drew her to the ground.

She turned away from the parking lot until she was mostly facing the plants and the fence. Her hand reached instinctively for the soil, although it was too hard for more than her nails to sink in.

That seemed to be enough. The tug of magic inside her flowed through her arm to the ground, and some of the pain from her confrontation with Makana flowed along with it. There was a warmth that passed from the soil into Lily. It didn’t take the pain away, but it softened it somehow, almost like it was melting. She felt like a chocolate Easter bunny that held its shape in the sun but would mush and make a mess if touched. It was a vulnerable feeling, like she could be crushed without anyone meaning to hurt her, but somehow it was comforting. Whatever happened to her now, she’d still be connected to the soil, to something big enough that it could absorb her. Even if she were a crushed, melty thing, she’d still be as much a part of the whole as she was now.

Lily drifted in the comfort she’d found, not really thinking her own thoughts or even taking notice of things around her.

Then her mom was crouched next to her, and she didn’t know what time it was or how long she’d been sitting with the plants.

“Lily, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“You didn’t come home on time, and then I saw you through the back window, huddled up out here. Were you crying?”

Lily could feel dried tears on her face, but she didn’t feel like she’d been crying. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, but she didn’t remember scrunching up like that. She pulled her fingernails out of the dirt, feeling more than a little disoriented and peculiar.

“I guess I needed some time alone. We can go inside now.”

Lily stood up, gathering her stuff. Her mom put her arm around her shoulders. “Did something happen at school today, or afterward?”

“Yeah. Mrs. Grady got fired, and Makana’s pissed at me.”

“Why?” They had reached the stairs now, and Mom let go of Lily but followed close enough that there was hardly any difference.

“Didn’t Dad tell you about Mrs. Grady?”

“No.” Mom sounded confused but not annoyed. Lily knew in that moment that her dad had done his best to keep her information anonymous. There had been a time when her mother knew everything that happened in her world, but now her mom accepted being left out. It was too much kindness for Lily to bear after all that had happened. She stepped in the door and felt like she was going to cry all over again.

“Mom, I think I’d like to talk to you later, and dad can probably tell you all about Mrs. Grady, but right now I just want to lie down.”

Her mom gave her another squeeze around the shoulders and said, “I understand.”

Of course she didn’t, but that was hardly her fault. Lily went to her room. She sat on her bed, and tears ran down her face. Whatever had happened outside with the plants seemed a little frightening now. It had made her feel better for a while, but now Lily felt paralyzed or numb with hurt. Was this better than she would have felt otherwise, or had she just delayed for a while outside? She couldn’t imagine any way that Makana would be friends with her again. And Makana wouldn’t try to help Mrs. Grady either, because she’d said that was Lily’s problem. Even Paula was probably mad at her now, because Lily had been hanging out with Makana. Something in Lily said she needed a plan, but at the moment, she felt too worn out to make one. She lay back on her bed and cried until she ran out of tears.

 

15

After

By lunchtime Tuesday, Lily was empty.

It wasn’t that she was hungry. She was empty of tears, anger, or wanting. She walked without feeling or thought to her locker and collected her lunch.

She was not going to look for Makana. There was no chance talking to her would work. Lily would stay away, like she’d been told. Instead, she went to the front grass where Paula sat.

“Can I join you?”

Paula was alone, at least for the moment. “Sure,” she said, but she tilted her head as if she wasn’t sure she meant it.

Lily sat down, not feeling anything but hollow, but knowing she had to make an effort. Around her she felt a slight pull from the grass, but she ignored it.

“Sorry I’ve been kind of…” Lily let it trail off, not sure exactly what to apologize for.

“You’ve been hanging out with Makana?”

“Only part of the time, but that’s all over.”

Paula raised her eyebrows, and Lily thought she knew the question.

She shook her head, and Paula seemed to accept it.

“So, is John hitting on you yet?” Paula unwrapped her sandwich as she said it, as if she didn’t care. Lily could tell, from something in Paula’s voice or the way she fumbled the plastic wrap, how much more this mattered. What was the right thing to say?

“John’s a jerk. You deserve way better than him.”

That seemed to be a good enough answer. By the time Kelsey and Ann Marie showed up, Lily was Paula’s friend again. By Friday, Lily was invited to sleep over at Paula’s house without the others.

 

“She’s manipulating you,” Rose said. Rose was flopped against her beanbag with a huge bowl of ice cream in her lap.

“This is your business how?” Lily asked. She was waiting with bags packed for Dad to drive home. Then Mom could use the car to drive her over to Paula’s.

“I’m trying to keep you from getting hurt. After pissing off one friend last week, you’re suddenly in tight with another who invites you over without her regular friends. Either she’s trying to make you feel special or she’s trying to annoy one of them.”

Lily wanted to ask about Makana. She was suddenly sure that Kei must have said something to Rose. Was Makana venting about Lily telling secrets and getting Mrs. Grady fired? Was Makana really hurt because she’d trusted Lily with her secrets too and now she couldn’t feel safe? Much as she wanted to defend herself and justify her actions, she couldn’t stand the idea that she’d hurt Makana. It was like they’d each been given one chance to share their magic with another person, and Lily had blown it without even realizing.

She wanted to be friends with Makana again. She wanted to be going over there rather than to Paula’s house. But there was nothing she could do. And there was nothing she wanted to tell Rose.

Lily stalked to the kitchen and got herself a bowl of ice cream, mint chocolate chip, then ate silently in the kitchen until Dad came home.

Dad breezed into the house with energy and a smile. In the kitchen he mussed Lily’s hair and said, “Sorry I’m late.” Then he loped to the bedroom where Mom had been doing whatever project she was doing these days and brought her back to the kitchen with him.

Mom looked much better when Dad was home. They kissed in that embarrassing way that parents do, and he handed her the car keys.

“Don’t take too long,” Dad said. “Rose and I are rolling sushi tonight.”

“You’re sure you wouldn’t prefer to take Lily?”

“No, I’ve been in that car all day. Time to roll rice instead.”

They kissed again. Rose had made it to the kitchen door in time to roll her eyes.

“Right, let’s go.” Lily plunked her ice cream bowl in the sink and headed for the door.

Mom caught up by the car, and once inside asked Lily, “You’re sure you can’t patch things up with Makana?”

“Have you been talking to Rose?”

“No, dear. I see how sad you are, and you know, if there was something more to your fight than what happened to Mrs. Grady, I’d understand.”

Lily couldn’t believe her mom knew about the magic part. It seemed unlikely that Makana would even talk to her brother about that. Even if she had, Kei couldn’t have told Rose and Rose told Mom. They wouldn’t believe it. And Mom definitely wouldn’t bring it up at the beginning of a short drive. Mom was still a very competent person, even if not having a job led to a million strange hobbies.

“What are you getting at?” Lily asked.

“I want you to know I’m here for you, and whatever your relationship was with Makana or whatever happened between you, I’m here if you want to talk.”

That settled it. This wasn’t about magic but maybe about being gay or bi. Well, it was nice to know they could talk if Lily ever had something to say about that, but she really didn’t need her mom’s supportive help right now. What was she supposed to say? They’d be at Paula’s house in a couple minutes.

“You know what, Mom? I think I’d rather hear about whatever project you were doing today.”

Mom smiled, like the good sport she was, and told Lily about folding origami cranes for someone’s daughter’s wedding. It sounded like a pretty good way to spend the day, and Lily wished her mom could enjoy it rather than stewing about the job thing.

 

The sleepover with Paula was the easiest, most normal time Lily had experienced since moving to Hawaii. They ate steak and baked potatoes for dinner. Then Lily and Paula watched movies and ate popcorn until 1 AM before moving upstairs to Paula’s room where Lily slept on a trundle bed like a little kid.

In the morning, Paula’s mom made pancakes and everyone ate outside on the patio. It was ten AM by then, but Lily was still amazed that they could eat outside in January. The air was a little nippy and damp, but the sky was blue with only a few gray clouds. Paula’s backyard was like a botanical garden with paths and a fountain surrounded by dozens of plants in lines or clusters. Just off the patio was a bird of paradise plant over six feet tall.

“I didn’t know those plants grew that high,” Lily said.

“Oh, that’s nothing,” Paula’s mom said, “I’ve seen a few that were ten feet high, growing wild without irrigation or anything.”

“Really, where?” Lily felt the surrounding yard tug at her as she asked and wondered if the question had somehow been pulled out of her. It was the first time she’d thought about magic since before dinner, and it felt like a weight put back across her shoulders. But Paula’s mom seemed delighted to discuss plants. It turned out she was a horticulturalist, though Lily wasn’t sure if that was her hobby or a job. However it was, she knew a lot about plants, and so did Lily by the end of breakfast.

 

On Monday, Paula sat beside Lily on the bus to the children’s center. She spoke softly enough that others wouldn’t hear over the engine noise, but mostly she just pointed out the plants she could name along the road. Then she asked Lily, "Did you ever find your cell phone?”

Lily hesitated, “I did, but since I never use it, I’m not carrying it.”

“Well, no one can call or text you if we don’t have the number. You’ve got to start carrying it.”

Lily still didn’t like phones, but Paula had made such an effort to be her friend that Lily felt like there was a sort of magic involved. She knew she would do this for Paula, so she gave her the number.

A few times during the drive, Lily glanced at Makana, but Makana leaned over her notebook as usual, hiding her face in a fall of hair.

When they reached the children’s home and passed through the foyer with the handprints, an uneasy reshuffling took place. Paula gave a small wave to Lily as she headed outside with Makana. Makana shot a quick look at Lily that made it hard for her to swallow.

Lily turned away in time to see Ling-Ling smile and wave to John. Kim glared at Ling-Ling, who didn’t notice. But John had a twisted look of his own; was it suspicion or contempt? Either way, he didn’t speak to Lily as they passed into the rec room.

Lily was immediately surrounded by three kids who wanted to learn juggling again. She set down her bag and began unloading scarves, balls, and beanbags. Of the little boy who had started the circus craze she asked, “Do you know where Jeffrey Aguon might be?”

“Probably outside.” He didn’t seem at all surprised by the question, possibly because Lily seemed like an adult to him and he trusted her reasons. She wished she trusted herself as much. Somehow, she had to get introduced to Jeffrey and try to use her magic to heal him. If he was already outside, that would be even better, since whatever magic she had didn’t seem to work indoors.

She started out her lesson the same as before, encouraging each child to start with scarves or with tossing a single ball or beanbag. She helped them to throw hand to hand, in even arcs. As she taught, she watched the woman with long hair. She’d only set up coloring at the art table today, but a couple of younger kids stayed with her rather than coming over to juggle. John had gone to the domino table where a couple of older boys stayed, finishing an actual game of dominoes.

When a beanbag flew wide across the room, Lily went to the art table and asked the adult, “Could I take the juggling activity outside for a while to give them a little more room to practice?”

The woman paused but then looked Lily in the eyes and smiled. “I think that would be fine. It’s nice of you to share your materials that way.”

“Thanks,” Lily said and turned to her group of beginning jugglers. “Shall we try this outside?”

Kids took the items they were using, and Lily quickly scooped the rest into her bag. They headed through the sliding glass doors onto the patio and over to an open area on one side. Lily nodded to the man working there, and to Makana over by the gardens. Makana ignored her. Paula was caught up in a game of volleyball and didn’t seem to notice her at first. Lily got everyone going with their juggling again. Four new kids joined them, leaving jump ropes lying in a heap, and Lily pulled more equipment out of her bag.

Soon the kids from the volleyball game headed over en mass, and Paula came with them.

“You’re outside!”

The exclamation made Lily’s stomach turn, and she was suddenly aware of a faint pull between herself and Makana. “We needed more room for juggling and the staff person said okay.”

“Nice!” Lily couldn’t tell if Paula was impressed or just pleased to be with her, but a physical tug on her sleeve brought her back to teaching. Before she knew it, Paula was copying what she said and trying to help other kids throw evenly or practice with one ball. For a few minutes, there were twenty kids all throwing, catching, and picking up dropped balls. Lily felt a surge of pleasure as she looked around.

Then she made her way to the little boy who’d encouraged all this and asked, “Which boy is Jeffrey?”

He pointed out one of the bigger boys who had been playing volleyball with Paula.

Lily didn’t go directly to Jeffrey. She stopped to help a few smaller kids on the way. As she walked, she paid attention to the feel of the land beneath her feet. She could feel a slight warmth even with shoes on, and she tried to turn that into wishing Jeffrey would never again have seizures. When she reached him, she stood to his right and tried to help him with side by side juggling. She started with each of them holding one ball. She threw, he threw, she threw. When the ball dropped, she made sure to touch the ground with both hands as she bent to pick it up, in case that would connect her to more magic.

After she and Jeffrey made ten passes with two balls, they tried sharing three. He seemed to be picking it up pretty fast. It may have been because she was comparing him to younger kids, but it wasn’t what she’d expected of a kid with a seizure disorder.

“I’m Lily Thompson, by the way.” When he didn’t reply immediately, she asked, “What’s your name?”

“Jeffrey Aguon,” he said and missed his catch.

“You’re good at this, you know?”

“Thanks.” They both smiled as he picked up the ball and they tried again.

A little while later, when they were down to ten kids juggling, Lily told Paula. “I’d really like to rest for a minute.”

“Go ahead,” Paula said as she picked up a dropped beanbag for a little pigtailed girl.

Lily plopped down on the ground a little to one side and dug her fingernails into the ground. She closed her eyes for a moment and felt warmth surge through her from the ground. She wished as hard as she could that Jeffrey’s brain would work the way it should and whatever caused the seizures would go back to what it was supposed to do. She tried to imagine a connection between herself and Jeffrey, but it was hard because he didn’t glow with magic. None of the kids outside did, though Lily couldn’t help noticing Makana’s glowing aura far across the field to her right.

The familiar pull between herself and Makana became harder and harder to ignore, but Lily didn’t want it to distract her. Instead, she tried to shift that connection to run between herself and Jeffrey, to bring him magic that could make him better. If it worked at all, Lily couldn’t tell. She could feel magic all around her. She noticed a couple of birds glowing in a shrub across the lawn, and something glowing skittered away, something the size of a small squirrel maybe. She wished once again that the magic would make Jeffrey better.

Then she opened her eyes and pushed up from the ground. Paula was trying to answer questions from two kids at once. Lily went over to help the smaller one, a girl with neat black ponytails who she hadn’t met before. The little girl was delighted when Lily started her working with scarves.

Jeffrey stayed and juggled for a long time, sometimes managing three for a couple rounds. Lily kept trying to wish good health at him.

Paula tried a few tosses and then juggled with two when there weren’t enough kids to use all the supplies or to need help from them both. Lily realized as Paula practiced that she was glad to have her there. All weekend at Paula’s house, Lily had felt slightly numb or distant somehow. Now, watching Paula drop balls and start over again and again, Lily was impressed by how willing she was to try something new, and try again and again when things didn’t quite work.

But feeling better made Lily remember what had started her troubles. Before getting in the van to go home, she stopped by the supervisor’s office. The door was open, and she could see Mrs. Mao sitting in what had once been Mrs. Grady’s chair. She waited for her to look up.

“Can I help you?” Mrs. Mao asked.

“I was thinking about bringing a card and some muffins to Mrs. Grady.” Mrs. Mao looked a little skeptical. “She was nice to me when I was new here, and she went out of her way to look stuff up for me once. I never got a chance to thank her, and I was wondering if you had her address.”

“Well,” Mrs. Mao tilted her head and adjusted her collar. “She lives with her daughter, but it’s a publicly listed address. I can’t see any problem in helping you look it up.” She pulled out a phone directory and copied the address onto a post it note.

“Thank you,” Lily said and rushed off to the van.

 

On Friday, Paula met Lily at her locker before lunch. It seemed natural to Lily at first, because they’d eaten together every day that week and Paula had called her cell phone at least once each night. But Paula started right in asking questions, and Lily began to get suspicious.

“What are you doing this weekend?” Paula asked.

“Not much. I might go visit Mrs. Grady.”

“Why?”

“I feel bad for her, getting fired like that. I wonder how she’s doing.”

Paula leaned close and whispered, “Didn’t you hear? She’d been drinking on the job. That’s why she was always out of it.”

“I heard, but, well, alcoholism can be a disease. Maybe if she got into a program or something, she’d be better again.” Even as she said it, Lily thought it sounded pretty lame.

“You sound like a social worker.”

“Must get it from my dad.”

“You know, I’ve barely even met your family.”

Suddenly, Lily knew what this was about and wondered how she could have been so oblivious.

“Do you want to come over? Maybe spend the night tomorrow?”

“Sure, what time?”

“I guess you’d rather not visit Mrs. Grady with me?” Paula shook her head, and Lily was relieved. “How about five on Saturday?”

“Great.” Paula gave her lunch bag a cheerful bounce and they walked down the hall together.

 

Saturday morning Lily made bran muffins and checked bus schedules online. Mrs. Grady and her daughter lived halfway between Kailua and Kaneohe. Lily could have asked her parents to drive her, but she wanted to make this visit alone. Luckily, there was a bus that ran that way every couple of hours on Saturday. She packed up the muffins, threw a book in her backpack, and caught the 12:15 bus.

The house she arrived at was much nicer than Lily had expected. Most of the exterior was painted white, but the roof had light blue shingles and spread out to cover a huge porch surrounding half the house. Lily walked up to double doors on the side that appeared to be the main entrance. After she rang the bell a heavyset woman in a loose green dress came and glanced at her through little beveled glass windows. She opened the door on the left and said, “Hello?”

“Hi. My name’s Lily. I volunteered at the children’s home where Mrs. Sharon Grady used to work. I never really got to say goodbye, and I also brought some muffins.”

Lily held up the little white gift bag she’d wrapped the muffins in, and the woman in the doorway looked like she might cry. “That’s kind of you. I’m Beth Grady Cooper. Why don’t you come in and sit down while I see if my mother is up to company?”

Beth showed Lily into a family room with an amazing view of the bay. Glass French doors stood between floor to ceiling windows that looked out onto more of the immense porch and then a lush green garden leading down to a private boat dock. Inside the room stood a baby grand piano displaying graduation pictures of a boy and girl who must be Beth’s children and Mrs. Grady’s grandchildren. There were yellow flowers on the table that made the whole room smell like an early Spring. Lily sat a long time studying the room before Beth came back in, holding her mother’s arm.

Mrs. Grady had looked old from the first time Lily met her, but now she seemed shriveled. Here shoulders were stooped and her neck seemed nothing but wrinkles. The tan polyester pants and the tan and lavender striped blouse she wore, hung like damp laundry from her frame. Her hair had clearly just been brushed and gathered back into a single wide barrette, but Lily could see how thin and greasy it was.

Lily stood up and said, “Hello, Mrs. Grady. I brought you some muffins.”

Mrs. Grady leaned forward to look at her more closely, as if she wasn’t really sure who Lily was. But when Lily held out the bag of muffins, she took them.

Beth looked like she wanted to tell her mom to say “thank you” but didn’t dare. Instead she said, “Let me get you settled, Mom, and then I’ll bring some tea.”

Seizing the opportunity, Lily said, “Do you think we could sit outside? Your deck looks really nice.”

Beth turned to her mom and then repeated, “Would you like to sit outside.”

“That’s fine,” Mrs. Grady said. Her voice was still exactly as Lily remembered, kind of rough but not quiet like some older women, not weakened like her body seemed to be.

They went out onto the deck and Beth brought an extra cushion to tuck behind her mom’s back as she settled into a wicker chair. Lily sat in a similar chair but was up again as soon as Beth left for tea. The power that came to her outdoors registered immediately, but she went and sat on the edge of the deck where she could dig her toes into the ground. She’d worn flip flops in case such an opportunity presented. If she was going through this much trouble to try magic, then she wanted to give herself every advantage. Besides, it felt wonderful to sit with the sun on her face and her toes warmed in the earth.

“It’s good to see you again,” Lily said over her shoulder. “I felt sort of bad about not saying goodbye.”

Lily turned her face back toward the bay then and closed her eyes, expecting Mrs. Grady would take a while to respond. She felt power flow from the ground through her toes. It was stronger here then at the children’s home, and she immediately saw all sorts of life glowing out in the bay. She shifted her head enough to know that Mrs. Grady didn’t glow. But she tried to connect to her anyway. As the old woman began to talk, Lily focused in on her voice, trying to wish an end to her alcoholism and any problems that went with it. She tried to wish health into Mrs. Mao as a steady stream of words came her way.

“None of the other young people came to visit. I know the children in the home can’t, though the staff might have arranged for it. But you’re the only one of the volunteers. And the staff only came by the first few days, probably felt required to. Even Maureen has only come a few times, and we’ve worked together for years. I don’t mind her having my job now. She’ll be good at it, but I do miss seeing all the children. They kept every day from being the same.”

Lily hadn’t really been listening. She’d wanted to make the most of her chance while she was alone with Mrs. Grady, but she still couldn’t sense any connection or any flow of magic from her to the old woman. She brought her feet back up on the deck, thinking maybe touching Mrs. Grady, while still outside, might make a difference. She went over and took Mrs. Grady’s left hand in both of hers, hoping the gesture wouldn’t seem too unnatural.

“Are you happy here?” She tried to wish the magic through their hands, imagining it stopping Mrs. Grady’s need to drink and cleaning out all the cells or organs that had been damaged or become accustomed to alcohol.

After a while Mrs. Grady said, “It’s fine.” That seemed like enough time spent holding hands. Lily let go and sank into another wicker chair. She planned to focus on healing magic as well as she could while keeping up a reasonable conversation and sipping tea. It might not be easy, but Lily had to try.

“How long have you lived in Hawaii?” Lily focused her mind on magic as she waited for the slow reply.

 

16

Others

Lily left Mrs. Grady and her daughter in time to catch the two o’clock bus, but it never came. By three, Lily was halfway through the book she’d brought when a middle-aged woman clad entirely in purple sat down on the other side of the bus stop bench. The woman a round face, bobbed black hair, and clingy polyester clothing that would have seemed quite respectable if it hadn’t been all one shade of startling pinkish purple. Then, without a glance at Lily, the woman pulled out her knitting, which involved two shades of yellow and orange that positively glowed in the afternoon sun.

“Excuse me,” Lilly said since she was staring at the woman anyway, “Do you know anything about this bus? I thought it was supposed to come at two, but it never did.”

“It comes around two. It comes around four. Maybe the two o’clock was early. You missed it. But the next one will come by four, or four-fifteen.” She went back to her knitting, like a recording that had played and now rewound by knitting. Lily went back to her book.

 

It was four-thirty when Lily got home. She’d planned to finish a report for History before Paula came over, but all she had time to do was clean up her notes and tidy her room. When the doorbell rang, she raced to open the door. Dad followed right behind her, probably hoping to greet a parent, but Paula was there by herself. He only said “hello” and went back to the kitchen.

Rose was entrenched on her beanbag watching videos on TV. She hadn’t moved or looked away from the screen as Paula arrived, but Lily felt obliged to re-introduce her anyway. “You remember my sister, and resident couch potato, Rose.”

“Hi,” Paula said.

“Hi,” Rose said, without looking. Then she yelled, “Dad, what’s for dinner?

Dad came back with his hands in a dish towel. “Fajitas,” Dad answered then turned to face Paula, “Is that okay for you?”

“Great.”

“Can I invite Kei?” Rose asked.

“Sure.”

“Can he spend the night, too?” Rose asked more sarcastically.

“No.”

“That’s sexist.”

“If you were young enough to think that’s all it is, I might have said yes.” Dad walked out of the room and Paula’s face screwed up like she’d never witnessed such a conversation.

“Let’s go to my room,” Lily said, and they did.

 

At dinner, Kei did not join them. Rose spun her fork around her plate, mixing ingredients rather than folding them into a tortilla.

Paula smiled, sat up straight, and asked Lily’s dad, “So, are you involved in some kind of social work?”

“Indeed, I’m a sort of travelling fix-it man on special assignment for Social Services.”

“Neat,” said Paula, without missing a beat. “And you Mrs. Johnston?”

“Feel free to call me Leanne.” Mom smiled, and sat up straighter to match Paula. “I usually work as an accountant, but the job we lined up before moving fell through. I suspect I’ll find something soon, with tax time approaching, but until then I’m volunteering with the Kiwanis and our neighborhood association.”

Lily didn’t know whether to feel bad for not knowing more about her mother’s life or sad because her mother might be exaggerating how much volunteer work she did. Maybe the women she folded cranes for and served lunches with were part of some neighborhood association, but if Mom had attended any Kiwanis meetings then Lily certainly hadn’t heard about it.

Paula nodded and looked toward Rose, who was still pushing her food around. “And you and Lily do circus stuff?”

“Not anymore.”

“We left their rig in storage when we moved here,” Dad explained.

“But Lily’s been teaching juggling to the kids at Lokahi. What’s the ‘rig’ for?”

“Oh, the main acts Rose and I performed in were aerial arts like stationary trapeze, silks, and hoop. Those all have to be suspended from at least a twenty foot rig, and it was too hard to ship it out here.”

“Wow,” Paula said. “I’m not sure what all that stuff is, but there’s a little trapeze at a park I know. It’s not twenty feet high, but if it’s any use at all, I could show you.”

 

That was enough to make Dad drive them all to the park the next morning. He bought a box of donuts on the way and tried to make an occasion of it. The trapeze at the park was only a metal children’s toy, and Rose refused to leave the table with the donuts. But Lily was determined to make the best of the situation. She stretched and gave it a go.

The metal chains were rough on her hands and the bar was barely wider than her hips. That actually made Russian Splits easier. Lily hung upside down with her hips above the bar and both legs out in straddle. It felt good to be doing even this much after weeks with no trapeze, and the gentle outdoor magic relaxed and warmed her. She switched to Bird’s Nest, arching her back way out. At first she felt strong, but then there was an unnatural pull, tugging her from inside, toward the ground. It reminded her of a frightening moment on the bridge in New Mexico before she’d known anything about magic, but it also reminded her of the pull she felt around Makana. She shifted to Candlestick, still upside down but with a better chance to look around.

Paula started clapping. She was standing in the direction of the tug, but Lily had checked before and not identified her as magic. Then Lily’s eye’s looked beyond Paula to a guy holding a Frisbee. The guy was maybe eighteen, slim but muscular, probably a surfer since Lily imagined any guy with that build must be a surfer if he lived in Hawaii. A large black dog jumped around him, waiting for him to throw the Frisbee, but the guy had clearly stopped to watch Lily. When she looked at him he turned away and paid attention to his dog.

Lily brought herself down to the ground and closed her eyes for a moment. Even with her shoes on, she could see the guy and his dog glowing. He was magical, and the tug she’d felt could simply be a reaction to that. But why did it happen with him and Makana but not between Lily and her dad? There was still a great deal she wanted to understand.

Paula’s voice broke through from a few feet away, “Are you okay?”

Lily opened her eyes. “I’m fine, just a little light headed for a moment. You don’t know who that guy is, do you?”

Paula followed Lily’s gaze. “Nope, but he’s nice to look at.”

The guy happened to glance their way then, and Paula covered her mouth as she giggled, “He’s looking at us.”

Lily met the stranger’s eyes, wishing that if he knew about magic, he’d come over and introduce himself. He looked away and made no move toward them, but that didn’t tell Lily whether he didn’t know anything or that her wish didn’t work.

 

On the bus Monday, Paula sat beside Lily again and talked pretty much the whole way to the children’s home. She was still talking as they reached the entryway with kids’ handprints climbing the walls. Mrs. Mao was standing there in a beige dress with a wide round collar. She smiled as the volunteers entered, and they were all instantly silent.

“Welcome, Ling Ling, Kim, John, Lily, Paula, Makana.” She glanced briefly at each of them as she recited their names and then nodded at the end.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Mao,” Kim and Ling Ling said. Seeing Mrs. Mao nod again, Lily realized they all should have replied, but it seemed a bit late to fix it.

Mrs. Mao motioned toward the middle hall and said, “If you’ll all follow me, there are a few changes I’d like to explain. She guided them to a bright white board with rows and rows of names and sliding beads. Lily recognized Max and Jeffrey’s names and some of the kids she’d helped with juggling. Most of the kids’ beads were currently in a column labeled “play yard,” but there were also columns for “rec room,” “library,” “bedroom,” “bathroom,” “dining room,” and “out.”

“As you can see,” Mrs. Mao began, “We’re teaching the children to move their markers whenever they switch locations. Children are not allowed in the bedrooms or dining room at this time, and as you see, no one is.” Mrs. Mao smiled proudly at the board, and Lily wondered if even a little kid would move their marker to show when they went someplace they weren’t supposed to be. “Our staff has been instructed to stick to their assigned locations more closely, and each of you will be expected to do the same. As before, two students will be assigned to each afternoon activity area. That means that when I look outside, I should see two student volunteers, not one, not three.”

Lily could feel her face warm. Was she in trouble for taking the juggling lessons outside last week?

“If possible, please use the rest rooms before or after your shift, but if you must leave your assignment, be sure to tell the staff person in your area. Also, before you bring any outside materials to use with the children, even if they’re for a school project, you will need to clear them with me. Are there any questions?”

No one else spoke. Lily raised her hand halfway.

“Yes, Lily?”

“I’d been bringing some scarves and beanbags for the kids to practice juggling, is that okay?”

Mrs. Mao did not bother to look at Lily when she answered, “Perhaps when you’re next working outside we could discuss that program, but for now, I believe you’re assigned to the rec room. Any other questions?”

Silence.

“You may proceed to your current assignments.”

Lily shifted the backpack with her juggling supplies. It suddenly seemed heavy on her shoulders. John made his way to the dominoes table without a word, and Lily wandered over to the craft table. The staff person with the amazingly long black hair was there. Today she was helping three children cut or tear pictures out of magazines to make collages.

“Could you use any help?” Lily asked.

“Sure, join us.” The woman motioned to a chair.

“I’m Lily, by the way.”

The woman nodded, as if she’d already known, but she replied, “I’m Carol Nakamora. The kids call me Mrs. N, but you can call me Carol.”

“Thanks.”

“Could you get us some wipes from the counter over there?”

Lily followed Carol’s gaze and saw a generic plastic box labeled “baby wipes”. She fetched it and was soon helping the smallest child at the table clean her hands and part of the table.

Then the boy who had given her the idea to teach juggling came up and tugged her sleeve. “Did you bring the juggling stuff?”

“I did, but I’m not allowed to teach that now, at least until I’m next outside.”

“You can come outside if you move your marker.” He was still pulling at her sleeve as he said it, and Lily felt very sad and more than a little angry at Mrs. Mao.

“I’m assigned to be in here today.” As the boy frowned and his eyes grew big, Lily turned to ask Carol, “Could I give him scarves that he could take outside?”

“You’d have to ask Mrs. Mao, I think.” The way Carol said it was not encouraging.

Lily still had a bad feeling in her stomach from Mrs. Mao’s earlier talk. Had she managed to offend her somehow? Was she really in trouble for teaching outside last week? Then Lily remembered that Carol had been the staff person who gave her permission to take the group outside. She didn’t want to ask in front of the kids, but she had a bad feeling that Carol had gotten in trouble, too.

She looked back at the boy’s sweet puppy dog eyes and had what she hoped was an inspiration. “I’ll tell you what, until it works out to have more juggling lessons, there’s another important circus skill you can work on.”

The boy’s frown disappeared immediately.

“There are jump ropes outside, right?”

He nodded.

“If you take one and lay it in a straight line on the lawn, you can start learning to be a tightrope walker.”

He nodded even bigger, and then said, “What’s that?”

Lily remembered that he’d never been to a circus. She wished she could run to the library. There must be a kids’ book on circus somewhere in there. Instead, she reached for a piece of the plain paper the other kids had been gluing pictures onto. She took up the pencil they’d used to write their names on the back and sketched a picture of a man, barely more than a stick figure, walking on a tight rope, carrying an umbrella.

“You see, in the circus there’s usually someone who’s very good at walking across a rope. He’s so good, that the rope can be higher than this ceiling (she pointed up), and he walks across or even runs. He can do tricks with a pole or umbrella, sometimes even a unicycle.”

Seeing the question coming, she sketched a unicyclist up on the high wire. She tried to make this figure look female, trying not to be sexist, but her drawing wasn’t good enough to tell.

“That’s a unicycle?”

“Yep.”

“Do you have one of those?”

“Nope, sorry. I don’t have a real tight rope either, but if you go lay out a jump rope on the lawn, you can learn to be a tight rope walker without even needing a real one.”

“Okay, but I’d rather learn to unicycle.”

Lily smiled as he let go of her sleeve and headed toward the wall chart, undoubtedly moving his bead before going outside. He was such a sweet kid. It seemed crazy she couldn’t give him juggling scarves to practice with. Maybe if she bought a bunch of scarves, she could donate them to the children’s home. Then the kids could practice whenever they wanted. She wondered if Mrs. Mao would object.

A little while later, when only one child was still working on her collage, Carol said, “You did a good job with Sean.”

“Huh?”

“The boy who asked about juggling? You don’t use names much, do you?”

Lily thought of how Mrs. Mao always greeted everyone by name and wondered if that was a local custom or varied from person to person. She did feel kind of bad about not learning more of the kids’ names. Should she have introduced herself to Carol sooner? She usually assumed adults would lead introductions if they wanted them.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I let things get away from me with moving and meeting lots of different people. I should work on that, I guess.”

Carol smiled and made little tiny nodding motions that made her seem like a teenager and not an adult. The motion reminded Lily of a bobble head doll, but it also made her feel forgiven and accepted. She asked Carol, “Could you help me learn more names?”

Carol started with the names of each child in the rec room. John rubbed his temples when he heard them talking about his table, but he didn’t remark or make eye contact. A little later, Carol helped Lily identify kids and staff they could see outside through the sliding glass doors. By the time she went home, Lily felt she was learning and had maybe found an ally.

Any warm feelings faded as she left the bus back at school. Makana had hurried off ahead of her, but Lily felt the pull of magic like an anchor tying her to past mistakes. Was there any way she could regain Makana’s trust? It didn’t seem likely when they couldn’t even talk. And maybe Makana was right not to trust her. Lily still hadn’t worked out how to control her magic. As she walked slowly homeward, letting Makana draw farther and farther away, Lily tried to think of something positive she could do to make her magic more useful and under her full control. All she concluded was that it was time to talk to her father.

 

That night, after dinner, she offered to help her dad wash the dishes. It was really Rose’s turn, but she’d been a grump all through dinner and claimed to be way behind on her homework. Lily meant to talk to her dad about magic, but somehow, other words kept popping out of her mouth. She told her Dad about Mrs. Mao’s changes at the children’s center, about an embarrassing moment in history class, and about a bright red bird she’d seen on her walk to school. As she was drying the last serving platter, her Dad asked, “Would you like to go for a walk?”

“No,” Lily answered, knowing that she couldn’t have the conversation she was trying for if they were outside, but then she realized he knew she wanted to talk about something. That’s why he’d suggested the walk. She needed to find another solution. “How about, I show you something in my room?”

“Okay, should I bring us each a bowl of ice cream?” He offered.

Lily was sure there was some reason why he thought whatever conversation they were going to have would be better with ice cream. Since she was still happy to stall and didn’t much like scooping ice cream for herself and getting her hands cold, she said, “Sure.”

It took another five minutes before she ended up in her room, with a bowl of ice cream on her bed and her Dad sitting at her desk. She looked up at his patient silence and took another bite of her ice cream.

“What did you want to show me?”

He sounded calm. Didn’t he have any clue? Did he think this would be about school or something? Lily reached under her bed and pulled out the pile of books that Makana had given her for Christmas. She handed them to her Dad, who leafed through and mostly read the back covers.

“They look like fun books,” he said. “Didn’t Makana give them to you?”

“Yes, but this isn’t about Makana.” She wanted to talk about Makana even less than the subject at hand. “You see, all of those books are about people realizing they have magic and trying to figure out how to use it and what’s the best way to handle it.”

Her Dad nodded, his own ice cream forgotten on the desk. Lily took a few more spoonfuls of hers, but didn’t taste them. Her hands were cold, and she wanted to put down the bowl, but she didn’t. She looked up from her spoon to her father.

“Dad, I’ve found out since we came here, that I kind of seem to have my own magic. I think maybe you do, too. I thought you should know.”

“Okay,” her Dad said. “Can you tell me how you learned this?”

Lily tried to guess how much he thought she was crazy. Even with what they’d both seen in New Mexico, it had to be over fifty percent. But it was a better benefit of the doubt than anyone else was going to give her. She set her empty ice cream bowl on the nightstand by her bed.

“There are certain places here, where the ground or the water seems to pull on me. If I bury my fingers in the ground and close my eyes, I can see certain creatures glowing. Sometimes they’re fish or birds, and sometimes they’re people. But only a few people glow that way, and I think they’re the people who have some kind of magic. You’re one of them. I thought you might want to figure that out. Also, it seems I can sometimes make people like that do what I want. It only happens outside. I can’t really control it. But it did happen at least once with you.”

Lily wanted to keep explaining, to get everything out at once. Her mouth stayed open for a moment, but no more words came. She looked up at her Dad, who still held the pile of books in his big hands. He met her eyes, and managed half a smile, but his fingertips were turning white as he gripped the books too tightly.

He finally said, “Wow, that sounds like a lot to explain. Why don’t you start with the last, about what you think you did to me, and we can work our way from there.”

Lily reminded him of the beach party and his offer to sit in the back seat and stop to get ice cream. It was almost impossible to get the words out through the tightness in her throat.

When she finished, her dad actually chuckled. “You know, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it if I’d only offered to take to you ice cream, but later that night, I did think it was strange that I’d offered to sit in the back seat. Such a small thing, but it seemed a little nonsensical, cut off from anything else I’d think to offer.” He looked up at Lily, and his eyes were wet, “I hope you haven’t been beating yourself up about that, although I’m really glad you told me.”

Then Lily started to cry, and her Dad held out his arms. She went and sat on his lap and he held her. For once Lily didn't care about acting her age. Compared to everything else in her life, that was the least of her worries. It felt good to let her dad hold her, to know he still loved her no matter what. Between sobs he squeaked out, “But what if it happens again? I can’t figure out how to control it, and I don’t ever want to make anyone do anything that way.”

“I know. I know.” He patted her back. “Knowing you wouldn’t want that makes me feel much better about the whole thing. Let’s take it one step at a time. You tell me what you’ve figured out, and we can both work on this together.”

Lily moved back to her bed. As she told him about the experiments she’d done on her own, her tears dried up. She didn’t say anything about Makana until her father asked, “Was Makana one of the people that glowed?”

Lily nodded but said, “I don’t think I could hide that, but there are things she wouldn’t want me to tell anyone.”

“Fair enough,” her Dad said, and they skipped around those parts.

After Lily explained more than she thought she could, her Dad said, “I’d still like to go for that walk.”

“But I told you stuff might happen when I’m outside.”

“You can’t avoid ever being outside with me. Besides, Lily, no matter how much I believe you, it would help if you could show me something. Maybe spot some animals?”

Lily knew that would make it all more real, and she realized that was what she wanted, too.

It was already dusk, but they walked all the way to the park with the small trapeze, the one Paula had shown them. They sat together under a tree, and Lily dug her fingers into the soil and closed her eyes. The glow from her Father right beside her was overwhelming for a moment, and she felt some of the pull behind her ribs that she often felt with Makana. But she didn’t want to dwell on that, she especially didn’t want to want anything from him. She thought about finding other glows and said aloud, “There are two in the tree over there.” She motioned with her chin, keeping her eyes closed and her fingers in the ground. It reminded her of a Navajo mannerism she’d learned about in New Mexico.

She motioned again at a tree farther away, “Something there on the trunk. Maybe a squirrel staying still.” Then she noticed a four-legged larger animal, probably someone’s pet dog, approaching from the right, and she said so.

Her Dad said, “Fair enough. I’m convinced.”

The dog had come into view around a bend. Its owner trailed behind at the far end of the leash.

“I guess the owner doesn’t glow?” Dad said.

“No, but you still do. Can we go home now?”

“Sure.” He stood and then pulled Lily up to her feet. He gave her a brief hug with one arm, and Lily felt reassured. His touch didn’t seem to break the connection. She concentrated on getting home without wanting anything.

“It’s okay if you want to try wishing for something. You could wish for my keys or wallet or something,” Dad said.

“I’m not sure it works like that. Maybe if I only wanted to see if it worked, that might have been enough for one experiment.” Lily thought of the whole underwear episode with Makana and wished again that it had never happened. Since she hadn’t told her dad much about Makana, she had been able skip talking about that. “Mostly, I think I have to sincerely want whatever it is, and I’m not always sure I even know what I want. I mean, what if I wanted you to say that? What if I caused it and neither of us even knew?”

“Hmm, this must be hard on you, if you’re worrying about things like that.” He reached over and squeezed her shoulder for a moment. “I’m pretty sure I came up with the suggestion myself, but it will be good to think things through a bit more. Will you be ready at some point if we to tell your mom and sister about this?”

“Maybe,” Lily said, “But don’t you want to wait and figure out what you can do?”

“We’ll see. I’m still not sure ‘glowing’ implies that I can ‘do’ something. But let me think on it for a few days.”

“Fair enough,” Lily said. She could still feel the pull connecting her to her father, and part of her wondered if anything that happened outside could be truly “fair” ever again. Still, she was glad they’d talked, and even that they’d walked to the park to try things out. At least nothing bad had come of it.

 

17

Luau

On Wednesday morning Paula bounced up to Lily’s locker before school even started.

“Guess what! My mom has this invitation to a luau at the botanical gardens. She remembered how you were interested in plants and asked about the giant birds of paradise, and she said you could come with us if you want. You can even spend the night afterward.”

Paula handed Lily an invitation printed on card stock that read:

            _Luau at Hoomaluhia Botanical Gardens_

_Friday, January 19 th, 7-10 PM_

There was other information on the card, but Lily couldn’t read it all with Paula waiting impatiently beside her and the bell about to ring. “Sure, I think so. I’ll check with my parents tonight.”

“Great!” Paula tried to shrug like it was no big deal, but Lily could tell she was pleased as they both rushed off to class.

 

On Friday evening, Lily’s mom tried to convince her to wear a dress.

“It’s a Luau. I have a muumuu you could borrow.” She shook the green and white dress she’d brought from her bedroom. It wasn’t particularly ugly, but it was very long and not something a teenager would wear.

“No way. I would look like a tourist.”

“My Hawaiian friends helped me pick it out.”

“It’s great, Mom, but it’s not me.”

To Mom’s credit, she shrugged and seemed to concede the point. “Well, don’t you have some other dress?”

“How about a nice shirt? I have one with flowers.”

Lily’s mom followed Lily into her room where she pulled out a red and pink shirt with a lacey layer over the top and attractive gathers at the sides. The lace did in fact have flowers in the pattern.

“You wore that to circus,” Mom said.

“To other people’s circus performances. It looks very dressy with the right pants and shoes.”

“Do you know how nice it was of Paula’s mom to invite you to this luau? It’s a big fundraising event. People pay a lot for the tickets.” Mom scowled at all of Lily's clothes as if deciding none of them were good enough.

“I think she’s a member or something.”

“It’s still really nice of her.”

“Look, Mom, I’ll behave and let her know how much I appreciate it. Now please let me change?”

Mom sighed and left the room, still carrying the green moo-moo. Lily pulled out her nicest pair of cropped black pants and some complicated sandals that she knew worked well with the top.

When her mom dropped her off at Paula’s house, she insisted on giving the family a bouquet she’d made by sticking pieces of fruit together with toothpicks. Lily had no idea which of her mom’s new friends had taught her that craft, and she had to admit the end result looked pretty neat and tasty. Still, it was embarrassing having her mom escort her to the door carrying a big arrangement of fruit.

Luckily, Paula’s mom answered, and she seemed to love it. Paula took Lily to her room and they hung out there until their moms were done chatting and it was time to go the party.

The luau was a glamorous production, with five hundred people wandering though the gardens or snacking at the buffet. There was a huge pit in the ground from which a roasted pig emerged. Lily wondered why the garden society let someone dig a pit in the middle of a garden or if the pit was a permanent feature used for other luaus and roasted pigs.

Paula’s parents mostly left the girls alone to wander and snack as they saw fit, but after a while Paula’s mom came by and asked Lily, “Did you visit the birds of paradise?”

Lily shook her head and they were off on a tour that included the vast “Tropical American Plant” area, as well as a cluster of birds of paradise that stretched far above Lily’s head.

“Wow. How long did those take to grow?” Lily asked.

“I don’t think it’s the age of the plant as much as the soil that makes a difference,” Paula's mom said.

Lily reached down to touch the soil and closed her eyes for a few moments, just to see if this place was strong in magic. It wasn’t. Lily could see a few distant glows, probably birds staying well back from the crowds, but she felt less of a pull from the earth than at most of the parks she’d visited in Kaneohe.

She wiped her hands and stood up. “What makes soil good for these plants?” Paula’s mom seemed delighted with her interest and talked about alkalinity and phosphates all the way back to the main gathering.

Then an announcer with a microphone urged everyone to fill their plates because a special hula demonstration was about to begin. He spoke about the tradition of hula and how it connected to the natural bounty of the islands. Soon Lily and Paula had filled new plates with pork, fruit, and some cloudy variation on Jell-O, and they sat down under a tree to watch the show.

Lily had taken a large bite of pineapple when she saw Makana cross the stage. Paula turned to get Lily’s reaction, but Lily couldn’t do much other than chew some very sweet pineapple. Then the music came on and Makana and the other dancers performed a hula the announcer later explained as the Hukilau, a song about fishing that had become traditional at luaus. They went on to demonstrate the shared heritage of the Pacific Islands by incorporating poi balls with hula and other dance forms.

By about the third dance, it occurred to Lily to tuck her feet sideways to let her toes contact the ground past the front of her sandals. She closed her eyes and was amazed to see all of the performers glowing. The position where she knew Makana danced seemed to glow the strongest. She wondered if Makana had been holding out on her, hiding the fact that her dance group was really a secret organization for studying magic. Lily felt surprisingly jealous. Then she realized she could see faint glows of connection between Makana and the others, but she couldn’t feel any tug between herself and Makana. Much as she usually hated feeling that, it’s absence left her lonely and excluded.

She opened her eyes and caught Paula picking something stringy out of her teeth. She looked away and watched the rest of the performance. Suddenly hula was much more interesting. Could it somehow be linked to magic? Was there a reason why all these magical women gathered together for this?

Lily was overwhelmed that so many people could be involved in magic without the rest of the population finding out. Of course, there were people who knew or guessed. That was how Makana’s mom made her living realigning auras or whatever. Lily thought of all the “down to earth” people she had known in the various places she had lived. All those people who never believed in magic couldn’t guess what “down to earth” meant when Lily dug her toes into the ground.

Trying again, this time without even touching the earth directly, Lily saw again the glows around all the dancers and the faint lines connecting them to Makana. It was only then that she realized the lines all radiated out from Makana, none connected any two other dancers.

That made Lily wonder. At the end of the show, as the dancers took their bows, she looked again. Not only was Makana’s glow still the brightest, but the others were gone or fading fast. Lily could no longer see magical connections between any of them. She wondered what Makana had done. She wondered if Makana knew she did it or if Leilani could see it with the way she sensed auras.

“Wake up,” Paula whispered. Lily opened her eyes and took in the real world. Hundreds of people were on their feet, talking, clearing dishes, pushing aside chairs. Paula’s parents wound their way through to the girls and then they all began unwinding their way back out. It took quite a while as they thanked or said good bye to half the people there. Only once was Lily required to converse.

Paula’s mom said, “Mary, this is Lily Thompson. I told you about her mother, Leanne Thompson? Lily, this is Mrs. Steinhall. Without her, this lovely event would never have come together, and she also runs a personal finance firm.”

Mrs. Steinhall held out her hand. Lily shook it and said, “This was really great tonight.”

The little woman had a firm handshake, and though her hair was graying, she still looked young and strong. She spoke to Lily like an adult and not in the strained or high-pitched voice some adults used with teens. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, but tell me, Leanne says your mom handles tax forms?”

“Oh, yes. She can do personal or business taxes, and she’s done estate planning and been a financial counselor at a bank.”

“Good to know. If I give you my card, will you pass it on to her?”

“Sure. I’d be happy to.” Just like that, Lily was handed a business card. She thought she’d handled herself pretty well, and wondered if that would help her mom get a job. The grown-ups finished saying their good-byes, and eventually Lily and Paula had their overnight.

 

Lily’s mom picked her up the next morning, and Lily could hardly wait until they were alone in the car to give her mom the business card. “She seemed really nice, Mom, and I think she’s interested in hiring you.”

“Well, I’ll call and see.” Mom didn’t sound very excited.

“Is there something wrong with it?”

Her mother sighed. “No, dear. It’s always good to have someone who’s interested. It’s been a long time here, and several leads have fallen through. It’s probably best not to get your hopes up.”

Lily wanted to say it wasn’t her hopes that mattered. She’d been excited because she thought the card would make her mother happy. She fiddled with a loose thread on her sleeve until her mom said, “How are things going with Paula?”

“Great, fine.” Lily liked spending time at Paula’s house. Everyone was nice and the food was like eating at a restaurant. The whole experience was sort of a mini-vacation, but like a vacation, it didn’t feel very real afterward. And nothing she’d talked about with Paula was half as interesting as the magic she’d seen around Makana, which wasn’t really fair to Paula.

Glancing over at her mom, Lily realized she wasn’t being fair to her either. Now that she’d told her dad about the magic here, it felt like she was holding out. Even if her mom didn’t appear to be magical, it didn’t seem right to wall her off from such an important part of Lily’s life at the moment, especially with all that was involved.

 

At home, they found her dad and Rose sitting in the living room. The TV wasn’t on. A newspaper was spread out over the coffee table, but no one was holding a section. To Lily it looked like they’d interrupted one of “those” conversations.

“Hey, what’s up?” she asked.

Dad looked up and said, “The ceiling.”

Lily figured they’d definitely been talking about something serious. Rose’s face looked a little blotchy. Could she have been crying? She was dressed a little more fancy than usual with a batiked silk scarf around her neck. Lily thought she’d offer some encouragement and said, “Nice scarf.”

But Rose glared at her and stalked off to her room.

“What did I do?” Lily asked.

“Nothing, nothing,” her dad said. “Why don’t you and I take a walk, and your Mom can look in on Rose.”

“I just got home!”

Dad made his frog face, a sort of smile with sad eyes, and tilted his head toward the door. Lily dropped her sleepover stuff on the living room floor, and her mom patted her shoulder as she crossed to the front door.

“What’s going on?” Lily asked as her dad led the way down the stairs outside.

“That’s your sister’s business to share or not. I figure you and I have business of our own.”

“Oh,” Lily slowed her pace, not sure if she was up for this today.

“Where’s the best place to try?”

“If we’re driving, maybe the far fishpond. If we’re walking, probably up by the school.”

“Let’s walk, it’s a lovely morning.” Dad smiled and fell into a long walking stride. Lily moved up beside him, but couldn’t help worrying about the magic and being outside. As soon as she thought about it, she could feel a bit of the pull that she felt around Makana, but she tried to ignore it. It was a mostly quiet walk to the school and down the path to Makana’s lunch spot.

“How did you find this place?” Dad asked.

Lily didn’t think she should share anything more that Makana might consider secret. “Just luck. There could be lots of better places. I haven’t checked much.”

“How do you know this place is good?”

“This was where I first dug my fingers in the ground and discovered I could see glowing creatures.” Then in a quieter voice she said, “Some of the wanting something from someone else happened here, too.”

Lily realized her dad probably knew who she meant, but it seemed better not to say it directly.

Her dad settled himself on the ground and leaned back on his hands. He dug his fingers into the ground and closed his eyes. Lily stood watching him for a minute, and the whole scene struck her as totally bizarre. It was like they’d come out here to meditate or something. She wondered what she’d say if anyone happened by, and then she realized how unlikely that was. Then she realized that the scene might be more interesting if she dug into the dirt as well.

She sat, placed her hands, and closed her eyes.

The density of glowing animal life around them reminded Lily of a planetarium show. There were dozens of birds in every tree. A couple squirrels arrived as she watched. And at least two land animals, possibly cats, hid in the bushes across from her.

“Can you see them, Dad?”

“Who?”

She could tell from his startled tone that he hadn’t, and he’d probably opened his eyes to look around. Lily peeked to be sure, and then she closed her eyes and started pointing. “There are birds there, there, and there. Probably squirrels over there, and maybe cats under those bushes.”

“That makes a very impressive demonstration of your gift,” he said, and the words were slow and serious, “But I’m afraid I can only see them in the usual way.”

Lily looked around some more with her eyes still closed. Her father’s glow was bright beside her, and from what little she knew of animals, these seemed to be strangely still.

“Maybe you’re magic has something do with why there are so many. There weren’t this many when I tried before.”

“Possibly, but I’ve never been particularly lucky at spotting animals on hikes or anything.”

“Maybe you have to be touching the ground. Or maybe it only works when you believe in magic or try to use it. We’ll do a test. You stay here.”

Lily opened her eyes and stood. The trail they’d followed out continued past their clearing. Lily headed out along it knowing right away that she could find her way back from the pull behind her ribs that reached out to her father. But she tried to memorize the trail, since she intended for them both to walk back together. When it seemed far enough she called, “Can you hear me?”

“Yes.”

Lily sat on the ground, dug in her fingers, and checked for animals. There were four birds near her, which seemed like a much more reasonable number.

“Okay, follow the path toward my voice.”

Lily heard her father approaching before she saw his glow, but she did eventually see his glowing form bob into sight. Remembering how Makana had tripped when she opened her eyes before, Lily kept hers carefully closed.

“No extra animals arrived with you. Why don’t you try whatever you did before and see if it makes a difference?”

Lily watched the form of her father settle on the ground. While his glow still lightly traced his entire shape, more of the brightness seemed to concentrate in the middle. It was like the reverse of dropping a tablet of Easter egg dye into a cup. There was a little ball of brightness pulling together inside him. Lily glanced down at herself, wishing she could see if her own magic worked that way, but she’d never seen herself as glowing before, and she didn’t now.

She did see birds fluttering into the trees around them. “The birds are following you.”

“I can hear them.”

The two cat like shapes from before crept up in a very cat-like way, but Lily figured there was some chance they were just following the birds. The squirrels didn’t follow, but they could have seen the cats and become wary.

“I think your magic summons animals, or at least birds,” Lily said.

“Either that or the two of us together.”

“You could head further out and listen to see if they follow.”

“Might as well.”

Lily kept her eyes closed as her Dad headed off. His glow spread almost instantly to light his entire body, and she could recognize the familiar length and swing of his steps. A couple of the birds took off with him, but most stayed where they were. Lily watched until her Dad’s glow was out of sight and then she took turns opening and closing her eyes, comparing those animals she could actually see with the glowing forms around her. Fewer than half the birds were close enough and out in the open enough to be easily seen from where she sat.

Then there was a tug behind her ribs and Lily saw birds, and the two cats, turn their heads, and then a few at a time, they headed off.

When Lily caught up to her Dad again, he was sitting on a large rock, looking around at all the birds. His glow was still somewhat condensed inside him, but it was gradually spreading back out.

“I guess it works.”

“Yep, cats too. They turned their heads at the same moment as everything else, and even I felt the pull this time.”

“How did it feel?” Her dad asked, eyes wide.

“To me? Like a tug behind my ribs, but I can feel it to some extent at other times, if I pay attention.”

“Amazing. This is pretty amazing.” Dad had a big goofy grin on his face and was still glancing around admiringly at the birds. They sat there for several minutes before he said, “Now try wanting something from me.”

“I don’t want to. Why don’t you try wanting something from me?”

“I already did. It didn’t work.”

Lily recoiled from that a bit. She’d been planning to have him try, but knowing he had still felt a little like a violation. She really didn’t want to experiment back at him, but even as she felt that she didn’t want to, she knew what she wanted to know.

“Rose was complaining about a rash earlier. It’s on the sides of her neck and some other places. She says she doesn’t want to go to school like that.” Her dad spoke in his usual voice, as if it was a normal topic to mention apropos to nothing.

“Stop,” Lily said, and she wondered why she hadn’t said it sooner. Just because she wanted to know what was going on with her sister didn’t mean she wanted her dad to break his confidences.

Dad’s face grew serious, and his eyebrows lowered as he realized what had happened.

“I didn’t want to, Dad. I don’t have very good control.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “It may not be fair to your sister, but at least we both know how it happened. Try again, and I can try to avoid answering.”

Lily felt her throat and shoulders tighten, but she knew she wanted to know what “other places” were affected by Rose’s rash.

Dad didn’t say a word.

After a while, Lily said, “I guess whatever you tried worked.”

“I told myself over and over that I wasn’t going to speak right now. It’s hardly a long-term solution, but maybe it’s enough for today.”

Lily jumped up, eager to be done.

Her dad rose more slowly, dusted himself off, and then gave Lily a hug. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He looked up into the tree branches. “A lot of the birds still seem to be here.”

Lily closed her eyes, and without even touching the ground she could see all the small glowing creatures, as well as the person-shaped glow of her father beside her.

“Shall we hike farther and see what’s there?” he asked.

“What if we get lost?” Lily was wondering if she’d eventually feel the pull of another magic person and be able to use that like a beacon if she were lost out here. But the pulls seemed to vary in strength from different people and at different times. Or maybe the pull grew stronger between her and a familiar person. Perhaps if she was still lost when Makana went to lunch the next day . . .

Her dad pulled out his cell phone. “I could show you how to use the GPS on my phone. I have the coordinates for our house saved.”

Lily laughed, “Good to know.” She wondered for a moment if her phone had that feature. That might make it worth carrying, although knowing her luck with phones, it would break the first time she tried it. Then she wondered if magic somehow interfered with phones, even as they headed farther down the path.

 

18

Rain

Monday at the children’s home went about as expected. Paula chatted happily on the bus. John mostly ignored Lily while they worked. Lily had brought juggling supplies just in case, but never had a chance to speak to Mrs. Mao. After the bus ride back to school, Makana hurried away without a word.

Lily thought she was doing well to take it pretty much in stride. She climbed the stairs to their apartment with some relief, knowing once she was inside, she wouldn’t feel the distant tug from Makana.

She opened the door as Rose started screaming at their mother. “I won’t go back! People saw, and they talked about me! It’s repulsive! I’m repulsive!”

Rose stopped to glare at Lily as she closed the door. Not wanting to admit she knew, Lily said, “What?”

“This!” Rose pulled back the cowl of what appeared to be a new sweater. Had Mom taken her shopping yesterday while Lily and Dad had their walk? Beneath the soft, high collar of the sweater, the sides of Rose’s neck were yellowish and looked sort of dried or chunky. It was like her skin was made of tiny bathroom tiles, not nearly as disgusting as bad peeling from a sunburn. Still, it was pretty strange looking, and Rose was in middle school and tended to care more than Lily about appearances.

“It doesn’t look that bad,” Lily offered.

Mom cut in immediately saying, “You see? Anyone who would tease you over that isn’t worth seeing. Keep putting on lotion, and I’m sure it will clear up.”

“I want to see a skin doctor!”

“You’d have to see a primary care doctor first, and since you haven’t seen one here yet, that’s not going to happen overnight.”

“Then I’ll stay home until I can see one. What if it’s contagious? If I go to the school nurse, I bet she’ll send me home.”

The phone rang, and Mom turned on her heal and hurried to the kitchen to answer.

Rose let out a “Humph!” and took off to her room.

Lily dumped her stuff on a chair and went to the kitchen for juice. There she heard her mom saying, “I’d be happy to start tomorrow.” Mom was smiling and standing up very straight. Lily realized she was wearing a skirt that was part of a suit and one of her nicest white blouses. That was how mom dressed for work, which had been such a normal costume on her for so long that Lily hadn’t noticed its peculiarity today. Mom hadn’t been dressing that way for months. She must have gone in for an interview or something. “I’ll see you at eight. Thank you.”

As Mom hung up the phone Lily went to take her hands, “Well?”

“I got it!” Mom squeezed Lily’s palms and her voice was higher than usual. “I went in to see Steinhall and her partner today, and I guess they liked me. Thank you for bringing home that business card! And I’ll have to do something to thank Paula’s family, too.” She gave Lily a quick hug. “I should call your father.”

Lily poured herself juice and thumbed through the mail (mostly junk) on the table, then listened as her mom shared the news with her dad. After that, without missing a beat, her mom pulled a medical insurance card out of her purse and began making phone calls about where to take Rose.

Lily felt kind of bad that her mom couldn’t enjoy the good news a little while longer, but she knew her mom would have gotten back to work on something in any case. She probably didn’t mind calling bureaucrats much more than folding paper cranes. Maybe when Dad came home they could make a special dinner or take Mom out. Lily decided to get her homework done now, just in case.

 

As it turned out, there was no special dinner. Mom took Rose to an “urgent care” center at six and they didn’t return until after eight. Dad set up fajitas, and Lily made cookies, but it wasn’t much of a celebration. Rose went to her room and refused to eat. Mom let them know that the doctor declared Rose safe to attend school and the earliest dermatologist appointment wasn’t until next Monday.

 

Lily had to wait a week past when Rose saw a dermatologist. Finally, a Monday arrived when Lily was assigned to work in the play yard. It was pouring rain, but Lily went directly to Mrs. Mao’s office anyway. She knocked and clearly heard Mrs. Mao say, “Come in.”

Inside, the small room was much changed from Mrs. Grady’s reign. It was still dim, especially with the clouds and rain outside, but Mrs. Mao had added a small, Tiffany-style stained glass lamp to the desk. On the wall behind her there were framed prints of water lilies and a bridge. Lily was pretty sure she’d seen both pictures before and that they were by someone famous. On the side wall there was a framed piece of paper, an “ECE Site Supervisor” certificate with the name “Maureen Mao” on it.

“Can I help you?” Mrs. Mao asked.

“Yes. First, I wanted to apologize. Before the new rules were explained, I know I taught the children juggling and took a group outside, and maybe I didn’t handle that right. I wanted you to know that I didn’t mean any harm and was sorry for any trouble I might have caused.”

“It’s good of you to say so. I hope rules and expectations will be clearer for everyone now.” Mrs. Mao nodded, which gave Lily hope.

“Yes,” Lily nodded back, wondering if she looked as stupid as she felt. Still, she had a mission. “I was hoping that now that I’m assigned outside again I might get your permission to work on juggling with the kids who are interested. I brought my supplies in case you wanted to see.”

“All right.” Mrs. Mao motioned at her mostly empty desk and Lily carefully laid out six scarves, three beanbags, six regular juggling balls, and three stuffed penguins beanbags meant for juggling.

“Have you been trained to teach juggling?”

“Not exactly. But I remember very well how I was taught, just a couple years ago. And I’ve assisted with other circus classes for younger kids. The kids here seemed to enjoy it, and most of them seemed eager to learn.”

“Were you with a circus someplace, Lily?” Mrs. Mao pursed her lips in distaste as she said it, but Lily had seen that reaction before.

“No, but I was in a youth performance troupe. In Seattle, where I lived at the time, kids could take circus classes the same way they might take gymnastics or dance classes someplace else. It was meant to be healthy, fun exercise. And juggling can be a good hobby. It helps with rhythm and hand-eye coordination and stuff like that.” Lily watched as Mrs. Mao's eyebrows went up, and then down, but the part at the end seemed to help, a bit.

“Lily, let me speak frankly with you for a moment. Sometimes, an adult may try to teach a child a skill, for example knitting. The adult may think she’s doing it for the child’s own good, and the child may really want to learn. But if the child isn’t really old enough or is taught too many stitches too fast, it can be a frustrating and hurtful experience for the child. Sometimes the adult may even set the child up for failure, because in reality she wants the child to stay impressed with her own skillful knitting. Or she may teach too much too fast, due to impatience or unrealistic expectations. The professionals here are trained to be aware of such concerns, but as a student, not even an adult yet, you might have difficulty designing appropriate lessons.”

Lily wondered if Mrs. Mao had suffered some traumatic knitting experience as a child. How many people learned knitting from “appropriately designed” lessons? Lily thought back to the various teachers she’d had at circus, other activities, and even at school. Some of them had barely finished as students themselves. Some had taught too fast or failed to explain things well. How good the teacher was hadn’t had much to do with age or training in her experience. But kids still learned. Three beanbags and someone to demonstrate would probably be enough for a really determined kid. Hints to try with scares or a single ball first were as much help as most students got. Overall, she thought she’d done a pretty good job teaching juggling, but she tried to assume Mrs. Mao meant well and was really worried about the children.

Lily tried to think what she could say to win Mrs. Mao’s approval. “I could write up a lesson plan if you want. And I’d listen to any staff person who had teaching advice. Is there something I can do that will make you feel better about this?”

Mrs. Mao looked at Lily for a long while, until Lily could only expect the worse. But then the prim woman fixed her face in a smile and said, “Why don’t you go ahead and try today. I’ll let you know next week if I have any suggestions.”

“Thanks,” Lily said, and she meant it. She gathered up her equipment and headed out to the patio.

With the rain pouring down, the kids weren’t allowed on most of the play yard. On other days, when the rain was light or intermittent, no one seemed to pay it much mind. But today it came down in buckets, splashing in several feet from the roof over the patio. The area in the center that was truly dry was probably no more than ten feet across. Lily could as easily have taught juggling in the rec room. But here she was, and looking up, she could see Mrs. Mao glance out through her window. Lily set out her juggling supplies on a table by the sliding glass door.

Two boys were playing hacky sack with John and a male staff member. They continued with their game. But three girls who had been playing jump rope came over to see what Lily had brought. They were all very interested in the little juggling penguins. Lily gave each girl one and encouraged them to throw hand to hand. “Throw like you’re making a rainbow, and the top of the rainbow is right in front of your eyes. You want to throw the same way each time so all the colors in the rainbow will line up.”

The girls smiled and laughed, and Lily couldn’t help thinking she was okay as a teacher. Even if Mrs. Mao couldn’t hear her through the rain and her closed window, Lily hoped she could see how happy the girls were. And their throws were improving, too.

After a little while, Sean and some other kids discovered that juggling school was back in session, and the patio became crowded and chaotic. Jeffrey showed up and did fine on his own. Lily didn’t really have time to talk to him. She did the best she could under the circumstances, and the male staff member helped out when a couple boys argued over who bumped into whom. She realized she should probably introduce herself, but there never seemed to be a good time. John insisted on playing hacky sack, even when none of the kids were interested anymore. But Lily and the juggling kids worked around him on the patio, and overall, Lily thought it went pretty well.

By the end, the scarves and beanbags were a little wet and muddy. It was inevitable that a few missed tosses would land in the rain or in the increasing number of wet spots on the patio. But Lily had brought the supplies in a plastic bag and easily shoved them back in to deal with when she got home.

 

That night, as she rinsed her supplies in the sink well after dinner, Mom sat down at the table for a cup of tea.

“What happened to your things?” her mom asked. Lily ended up sitting, drinking tea, and telling her mom the whole long story of Mrs. Mao, the new policies, and the conversation they’d had about teaching.

“I’m proud of you, you know?”

“What?” Lily asked. It wasn’t the reaction she’d been expecting.

“You’re out there dealing with the real adult world. Mary told me how impressed she was by your good manner at the luau. And I haven’t heard Mrs. Mao’s side, but I can tell you put a lot of thought into your conversation with her. You must have done all right or she wouldn’t have let you go ahead. Those kids are very lucky to have you as a teacher, and I’m very lucky to have you as a daughter.”

 

19

Learning

On Thursday night after dinner, Dad served ice cream and said, “I think we need a family meeting.” Lily could guess from the chocolate mint chip ice cream, which was one of Rose’s favorite flavors, that there would be some bad news about her sister. Lily took a bite of her ice cream without tasting it.

Dad said, “Rose was called back to the dermatologist today, and I went with her since I was able to get the time off work. It turns out Rose has a fairly rare genetic disease, and there’s some information I thought we should share with the whole family.” Dad pulled out a couple of pamphlets about diagnostics and genetics as well as several pages that seemed to be computer print outs.

“The disease is called Pseudoxanthoma elasticum, or PXE for short. It’s estimated to affect only one person out of every 100,000. However, the dermatologist here thinks it may be underdiagnosed, since he’s seen three cases in the last year. Despite that, he says the condition is definitely genetic. It’s an autosomal recessive trait, which means both parent have to be carriers.”

“This is where it gets a little tricky, and where it could matter to you too, Lily. The gene responsible for PXE is on chromosome 16. Each of us has two copies of chromosome 16, and presumably your mom and I each have one copy that codes for PXE. Rose seems to have gotten the PXE version from both of us, and symptoms tend to first appear at this age. Lily, using the simplest assumptions, you have a ¼ chance of actually having PXE, but since you haven’t shown symptoms yet, that's less likely. However, you’d still have about a 50% chance of being a carrier. Do you understand all that?”

Lily nodded. She could still picture charts about pea plants that her science teacher had drawn for them in middle school. She was more concerned about something else. “Did they test you and mom to prove you are carriers?”

Dad spread his hands as if laying out facts, “The tests are expensive. In this case, it’s pretty clear.”

“But you said the dermatologist in Kaneohe had seen three cases in a year, and even he thought that was unusual.”

Dad looked at her and tilted his head. “This sort of news can be hard to hear. If you want to see a genetic counselor about it, I’m sure they’d be happy to talk through the possibilities with you. If you decide you want to know about your own genetics, I’m sure we can work something out.”

Lily’s mom reached out and squeezed her hand. Rose sank a little lower in her chair, and Lily realized people were now worried about her, which wasn’t what she’d wanted at all. She was wondering about a disease vector the dermatologist wouldn’t, and probably shouldn’t, know about. But it wasn’t her place to talk about magic, at least not now. “Go on,” she said.

“Well, the good news is that for many patients, PXE only affects the skin, and usually in isolated areas like the neck, armpits, and elbows. The less good news is there’s not much we can do about it, other than identify and monitor the disease. If it starts affecting the eyes, blood vessels, or internal organs, then there can be more serious problems. But I assure you,” he was looking at Rose now, “We will make sure you have the best medical care available if any of that happens.”

Rose rolled her eyes, which had the effect of making Lily feel less sorry for her. “What about plastic surgery?”

“The doctor said it was only a temporary fix and wouldn’t much help with the skin on your neck anyway.” Dad spoke slowly, as if Rose had already been told and not accepted the answer before.

“But what about my elbow? What about when summer comes and I want to wear short sleeves?”

Mom spoke up, “Plastic surgery isn’t a pleasant experience dear. It doesn’t always work as well as you’d like, and with this sort of issue, you’d end up doing it over and over again.”

“It’s too expensive, isn’t it?” Rose kicked a foot against her chair and stabbed at her ice cream.

Dad sighed, “It is expensive, and we may have to make some tough financial decisions at some point. Obviously, we’ll do whatever’s necessary for your health, but little patches of skin—”

Rose pulled up her long sleeves, “Do you think I can wear short sleeves with that?”

There were a couple of yellowish folds that stood rigid on the inside of Rose’s elbow as she bent and un-bent her arm. It did look a little unclean, as if some yellowish dust had stuck there and formed little creases. Of course, to Rose it would seem terrible, but Lily could see why Mom and Dad didn’t think it needed plastic surgery. It looked like something that could easily scrub off.

“There’s really no treatment?” Lily asked.

Dad shook his head. “We’ll do more research of course. There might be some clinical trials or something in the pipeline, but the doctor seemed to have studied the subject pretty thoroughly, and he said there wasn’t anything.”

“Well, I realize it’s a long shot, but there is other stuff we meant to discuss as a family.”

There was a visible moment when Dad didn’t know what she was talking about, then his whole face tightened as he understood. Rose and Mom both watched Lily, waiting.

“So, you both know Dad and I were involved in some weird stuff in New Mexico.” Lily looked around. Maybe that hadn’t been the best way to start, but there was nothing for it but to move along. “Well, I don’t know if something there triggered it or brought it out or what, but I’ve learned more about some weird stuff here, and for lack of a better word, I think Dad and I would both say it could be called magic.”

Rose rolled her eyes again. Mom had the little creases between her eyebrows that meant something, usually not good, was going on in her mind. But Lily hadn’t expected the sort of acceptance she’d received from her dad. After all, it was a lot easier for him to believe.

“I can sort of spot people who have it, and Dad and I have it. I also believe some sorts of magical healing might be real. Thus far, Dad and I barely know what we can do, but I don’t think we’d do any harm by trying.”

“I think you’re nuts,” said Rose, “But try away.” She flung out her arms and lifted her chin, as if to expose the offending skin, but it was still mostly covered by her sleeves and scarf.

“We’d have to try outside, probably at a certain beach or a place in the woods.”

“Let’s go,” Rose shrugged.

“I really don’t think it will work,” Dad said.

Mom wrinkled her forehead more and glanced around the table.

“I don’t either,” Rose said, “But it’s better than sitting here eating ice cream.”

Lily saw that her sister’s ice cream had mostly melted in her bowl. That made Lily feel for her in a way her bits of thickened skin hadn’t. Rose wasn’t one to waste chocolate mint chip ice cream.

Dad said, “I guess we could go to the beach this weekend and try while we’re there, but we really don’t know much about the magic, and I know nothing about using it for healing.”

“But you believe in it?” Rose asked.

“Yes, I do.” Dad nodded.

Rose jumped out of her seat. “Let’s go now. I don’t care if it’s one chance in 100,000. That seems to be enough to make me sick. Anyway, I don’t want to go to the beach on a weekend when there might be other people there. Right now, it’s almost dark and kind of drizzling. No one will be there to see how weird my clothes or my family are.”

As Rose started to put on her shoes, the rest of the family followed. It seemed to have been decided.

 

They went to the parking area nearest the far fishpond. Lily had thought of going to the one where she’d met Makana and her mother that first time, but it hadn’t felt as powerful to her. Having nothing else to go on, she followed her instincts, and her dad seemed willing enough to humor her. Rose didn’t say a word in the car. She looked out the window, blinking her eyes a lot. Mom was questioning Dad in the front seat, and he was explaining about their visit to the woods near the school and how the animals seemed to come to them and Lily could point them out with her eyes closed. It sounded kind of stupid told aloud.

At the beach, they all took off their shoes, even though it was getting dark and cold. Dad sat down on the sand. “So, how do you think we do this?”

Mom stood a little way away, looking up and down the length of empty gray beach.

“Well before, when we summoned all the animals, I could see the glowing part of you sort of tighten into a ball at your center. I think what we want is to make that magic connect to Rose, maybe by thinking about what’s wrong with her and how to make it right.”

“Do I think about the genetics or the rash?” Dad asked.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure either of my previous attempts at this have worked.”

“You’ve tried this before?” Rose asked.

“Yeah, but they weren’t clear cases where I’d see fast results.”

Rose rubbed at the rash on her neck. “If this worked, would the rash disappear right away?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know much.” Rose's frown looked more angry than sad.

“I don’t think it happens that fast or more people would know. And we told you before that this was a long shot.”

“Whatever. Just do it.” Lily flung her hands down at her sides, as if forcing herself to stop touching the rash.

“I think it might help if we’re touching you.”

“Whatever.” Rose took Lily’s hand and practically dragged her down to the sand near their dad sat. Then she took his hand as well and said, “Go.”

Dad already had his eyes closed. Lily closed hers and dug her feet and her free hand into the sand. She felt the earth pull at her immediately. Relief flowed through her, and she wanted to melt down into the warmth coming through her hand and feet. She could see her Dad’s glow condensing and feel a gentle tug from his direction. She tried to shift that tug through Rose, but she didn’t see it like she had with Makana and Max or even with Makana and the other dancers. On the off chance that it would help, she shifted a few inches up the beach so that Rose was lined up between her and their dad. Maybe whatever she felt would connect to Rose if she was physically in the middle of the magic.

Lily tried to concentrate on pushing magic at Rose, at making the skin on her neck and elbows normal, on making whatever bits of chromosome sixteen normal. She realized there must be lots of copies of chromosome sixteen throughout her sister and tried to think of making that part, the part that changed her sister’s skin, become more normal.

Across from her, she could see her dad’s glow form into its tight little ball, but it did not seem to bridge to her sister. In her magic vision, it was like Rose didn’t exist. Lily could see Dad’s glow right through her. Around them, especially on the ocean side, there were many smaller glows, some moving toward them. Lily tried not to let that distract her.

She focused on where she held her sister’s hand and tried to imagine different ways of sending magic into her, through her, to her cells, to the affected skin. At one point, she thought to try her other magic, just in case wishing could make her dad do what he didn’t know how to do on his own. She wished that he would heal Rose, that his magic could reach out to her, or that their magic could work together to make Rose better.

Lily did not see any sign of a glowing connection reaching to Rose, but she didn’t really know if that was necessary. She was starting to feel very warm and drawn to the water. She wondered if there could be more magic or it might work better if they were touching the water as well as the sand.

“I think we should all walk forward into the water.”

“Why?” Rose asked.

Lily answered without opening her eyes. “It feels like it’s pulling me. And I think there might be more magic there. There’s certainly a ton of fish that have come to be near us, and since all the animals seem to glow, maybe they’re part of the magic, too.”

Without much grace, all three of them stood without letting go of each other’s hands. Lily used her free hand to pull her pant up to her knees, and then she reached over and adjusted Rose’s. She could tell by the bending of her father’s glowing shape, that he was doing the same. She didn’t know if he’d opened his eyes or not.

They walked into the water, and to Lily, it felt tingly and welcoming. When the small waves lapped up almost as high as their bundled pants, Lily felt dozens of little creatures slipping around her calves.

“Oooh!” said Rose, and her hand tugged but didn’t let go.

Lily looked down and the water was a glittering mass of sparkling fish. It was like a giant golden firework had gone off at a Fourth of July show. There were hundreds of tiny animals swarming about them. Lily wondered if anyone else had ever seen what she saw.

“Can you see them?” Lily asked.

“Sort of,” Rose answered. “This is a little freaky. What if they attract a shark?”

“I think it’s too shallow,” Lily said, but she tried to watch the shapes in the deeper water. There were a whole lot of larger animals out in the deeper water, and some were big enough to be either dolphin or sharks. Since she didn’t see any big glows devouring smaller glows, Lily decided to focus on the task at hand. She tried thinking through all the possible ways of healing that she’d thought through on land, from skin, to cells, to wishing their dad would do it.

On one wave, something large bumped against their legs.

“That was big,” Rose said.

“Maybe it’s time to go home,” Dad whispered.

“One more minute,” Lily said, and she tried wishing for the animals to heal her sister.

Then they all waded out, and Lily opened her eyes. Rose and Dad were both looking at her, as if to ask if it worked. She wished she’d kept her eyes closed and enjoyed the fireworks of fish a bit longer.

“I don’t know,” was all she could offer. “There was certainly magic or power or whatever you want to call it. Could you believe all those fish?”

Mom had come close enough to hear and asked, “What fish?”

“Just wade out in the water. They’ll swim against your ankles with every wave.”

Mom shook her head.

“Don’t you want to touch magic?” Lily asked.

Mom’s forehead started to wrinkle again, but Dad put his arm around her and led her out into the water. They looked very peaceful together in the moonlight, and Lily closed her eyes to see how it looked that way. Her dad’s glow was not as centered as it had been, and Lily could easily make out the arm he held out to one side, around her mom. She could see the shining fish come in with the tide, and there was a noticeable darkness where her mother’s feet must be. She couldn’t see her mom this way, but it was as if the magic around her defined her darkness as a presence.

Rose nudged her. “What are you doing?”

“Just watching.” Lily opened her eyes.

“Don’t be weird.” Rose sounded flat, like she said it out of habit. Maybe she didn’t have it in her to pick on her sister at the moment, which was sad.

Lily would have much rather been picked on than have her sister sick. She hoped that what they’d done tonight might help, but in her magical sight, she still saw only darkness around Rose.

 

Over the weekend, Lily spent all her free time reading up on Pseudoxanthoma elasticum. Rose showed no sign of getting better, and her rash had spread up under her chin. Saturday night Rose tore up her only printed photo of herself with Kei. It had something to do with a text he’d sent her, but Rose wouldn’t talk about it. She locked herself in her room after breakfast on Sunday and refused to come out.

Paula called that Sunday morning to invite Lily for shopping in Honolulu, and Lily said she was too busy. When the phone rang again, Lily turned it off. By mid-way through Sunday, Lily felt like her brain was going to burst. She decided to write to Xavier, even though she doubted she’d ever send the letter.

Dear Xavier,

My sister has been diagnosed with a very rare genetic disorder called PXE. Everything I’ve read says that she has to have inherited the PXE gene from both my father and my mother, but it’s not standard procedure to test them and confirm. Neither of them have any other relatives with PXE, but that could be chance.

The dermatologist here in Kaneohe, where we have a population of 35,000 (I looked it up!), has seen three cases in the last year. I don’t know who these other cases are, but it’s implied they’re all about my sister’s age (which is a typical age of onset). However, they have no reason to be genetically similar to my sister (since we just moved here and have no local relatives), and I’m guessing that if they were closely related to each other, the doctor would have mentioned that. Even he was surprised to have three cases in a year. It’s supposed to only affect one person out of 100,000. That makes it very unlikely we’d have two unrelated people of any age with PXE in a town this size.

But we know something the dermatologist doesn’t. You remember when I told you how a certain person seemed to heal my sister and me? And on the same day she told me that my sister was dating her brother? She’s told me about her abilities and her mother’s but nothing about her brother. Still, he glows when I close my eyes. What if he can transfer his own illness to someone else?

He may not even know he’s doing it, though I wonder if his sister suspects. Or maybe she won’t let herself think that way. I don’t know, but whether she suspects or not, I do.

What if he’s really the only one in town with PXE? The new cases could all be people his age because they’re all people he knows and passed it on to. I don’t know if it’s something his sister could heal, but if he never gets symptoms but just passes the disease, his sister wouldn’t even know to try healing him.

Even if I’m wrong about all that, I think she should try to heal Rose. Don’t you? Either because Rose is her brother’s friend or just to be kind? Even if she’s mad at me, I still think she’s a basically good person. But she’s so mad at me (not even speaking to me) that I’m not sure how I’ll get a chance to ask.

Of course, if I brought Rose with me, and we were outdoors, and I asked a certain way, maybe that would work. But I know I’d feel terrible. I’m not even sure if it’s a “right” thing to do. And what’s the right thing as far as telling what I suspect about her brother?

Oh well, I don’t think I can mail this anyway.

            After that, she tore the letter into little pieces. Then she put those pieces in a bowl of water and mushed them around. She was tempted to use a whisk on them, because she vaguely remembered making recycled paper that way, but her mom came home.

            “Hi, Lily! I have a surprise for you!”

            “What?” Lily couldn’t imagine. As far as she knew, her mom had been at someone’s tea party. Maybe she brought home some cookies?

            Instead, her mom handed her a grocery bag. Lily looked inside and it was filled with brightly colored scarves.

            “Sophie made them. She’s one of the women in our neighborhood association. Look deeper.” Mom was smiling like a kid.

            Lily pulled out the scarves one by one and set them on the table. They were all made of red, blue, or green netting, and the edges looked like they could have been sewn on someone’s home machine. They were a tiny bit wobbly and not flat. Lily counted twenty-seven, probably nine of each color before she reached the beanbags. Lily pulled out three in one hand. The beanbags came in red, blue, and yellow, probably cotton, probably filled with real beans. “Did the same woman make these, too?”

            “No, her next door neighbor did. Sophie told her about the children’s home and how you were teaching juggling and the stuff got all wet. They made extras. They thought this might be enough to let the kids keep them to play with when you aren’t there.”

            It was a gift Lily never would have thought to ask for. “That’s super nice, but when did you tell them? I only told you Monday.”

            “Oh, I saw Sophie at lunch on Tuesday. She’s the sort of person who gets inspired like that.”

            “Should I write her a thank you note or make her cookies or something?” Lily asked, sliding her hand through the new scarves.

            “Bake her something when you get the chance. The next time I see her, I’ll tell her how pleased you are.”

            Stunned by her mother, her new friend, and a friend of that friend trying to help with her project, Lily could only say, “Yeah, tell her it’s really, really great.”

 

            The next day at the children’s home, everyone was delighted with the new beanbags and scarves. The afternoon was clear, and a huge number of children came outside to juggle. Lily was extremely busy, but she made an effort to introduce herself to the staff member who was working with her and John again. His name was Mark Low, and he made several attempts to help the kids with juggling after that.

            Toward the end of the afternoon, she noticed that Jeffrey hadn’t come out. Since Sean was juggling near her, she thought to ask him.

            “Nice job with the scarves,” she said.

            He’d finally learned to keep three scarves going, sometimes for over a minute at a time. He smiled and said, “Thanks,” as he caught them all in his hands.

            “You haven’t seen Jeffrey today, have you?”

            “He’s in bed. He had a seizure this morning and threw up and stuff.”

            “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” She was in more ways than Sean could guess, but no use dwelling on it. Somehow she’d known after the attempt with Rose that healing wasn’t within her magical range. “Would you be able to give him something from me?”

            “Sure!” Sean stood up tall, obviously pleased to be asked.

            “Could you give him three of the new beanbags, in case he’d like to practice when he feels better?”

            Sean nodded, looking at his scarves.

            “Would you like to hold on to your scarves, to practice with?”

            “Yes, please. Thank you.” Sean smiled very wide. He went and took one beanbag of each color from the pile and hurried inside, presumably to give them to Jeffrey.

            Lily had moved on and helped two more children when she heard Mrs. Mao call her name.

            “Lily!” Mrs. Mao was standing outside the sliding glass door. Lily hurried over to her.

            “I’d like to speak with you in my office, Lily. Please have the children clean up the juggling materials, and then come right away.”

            Lily barely had time to say, “Okay,” before the supervisor had turned and gone away.

            She took a deep breath and turned around. “Everyone please bring the juggling equipment back to the bag. We need to take a break for a while.”

            The kids weren’t pleased, but no one complained much; they’d heard Mrs. Mao. Lily had to pick up a few items from the ground and then she headed to the office.

            She sat in front of Mrs. Mao’s desk and looked at the painting of water lilies as Mrs. Mao said, “Sean Wagner seems to believe you gave these scarves to him and these juggling balls to Jeffrey Aguon. Is that true?”

            Lily felt very young and small beneath Mrs. Mao’s critical gaze, but she tried to sit up straight and answer politely. “I’m sorry. I should have spoken to you first. Jeffrey has been very enthusiastic about juggling, and Sean told me he couldn’t come today because he’d been sick this morning. I thought I’d leave a set of beanbags for Jeffrey to practice with, if he wanted, when he felt better. Then Jeffrey looked at the scarves so longingly. I thought maybe he and some of the other interested children could hold onto the new materials during the week. Some friends of my mother made them for me to bring here.”

            “I wish you had spoken to me ahead of time. How many did these women make?”

            “Twenty-seven scarves and twenty-seven beanbags.”

            “It was a kind thought, but if each child needs three, that’s only enough for,” she paused, “Eighteen children. You’ve had more than eighteen out there today. Your new hear, and you may not know it, but the smallest things can be very precious to these children. I don’t think it would work well to leave gifts with some children and not others.”

            “Maybe we could leave the juggling materials in the bag, and they could just be there for any children to use at reasonable times.”

            “I’ll consider that idea and talk it over with the staff. For now, I think we’ve had enough juggling for a while.” She opened a desk drawer and held out the scarves and beanbags Sean had been carrying. Lily accepted them and put them back in her bag.

            “You may go.”

            Lily was burning with anger at seeing something good turn out so mean, but she only said, “I really am sorry. I meant well.”

            “I’m sure you did, Lily,” was all Mrs. Mao said.

            Lily went back outside and told the children who asked that there would be no more juggling for today. Eventually Sean came out and said, “I’m sorry. I had to ask permission to go to the bedrooms, and then she got all mad.”

            Lily squatted down to be on eye level. “It’s not your fault. I should have asked first. Maybe by next week it will all work out.”

            “Yeah, we’ll probably have a new chart or something.”

            Sean wandered across the patio looking at his feet. He found a hacky sack that had been left where it fell and started tossing it from hand to hand. He smiled and Lily, and she smiled back. Then she walked out to where kids were playing in the sand, figuring Sean was less likely to get in trouble if she didn’t seem to notice what he was doing.

           

            Later, she made a point of getting off the bus fast, just behind Makana. She walked as quickly as she could without running until they were out of earshot of the others and said, “Makana, I need to talk to you about something really important. I’d be happy to meet you inside someplace.”

            Makana didn’t even turn around. She said in a cold, measured tone, “No way. Never. Just leave me alone.” Then she actually started to jog to get away faster.

            Lily stopped and stood. Although she’d had no reason to expect better, it hurt like a punch to the stomach, knocking the wind out of her and making her want to cry. She didn’t cry though. Once Makana was about as far ahead as usual, Lily continued her walk home.

 

            The next day at lunch, Lily finished early and left Paula sitting with Ann Marie and Kelsey. By lurking where she could follow Makana inside as she returned from lunch, Lily was able to find out where Makana's locker was. In the press of students hurrying to their lockers and then class, Makana didn't even notice.

 

            After school, Lily didn’t attempt to visit her own locker, she stood down the hall from Makana’s and waited until Makana had the locker door open so she’d be unlikely to run away. Lily drifted up to her unnoticed and handed her a three by five card. It said:

I’m sorry.

I’m not asking for my own benefit.

I’ll talk to you any place you choose.

            Makana didn’t even look at Lily. She pulled a red correcting pen out of her binder and wrote on the back of the card, “Never. Leave me alone.”

            Lily read it but couldn’t help saying, “There’s something you should know. I promise, it will only take a minute.” She tried to say it quietly and in a normal tone, but Makana glared at her as if she’d shouted. Then Makana put the lock back on her locker and walked away. Lily tried to follow, in case Makana was leading her someplace to talk. But Makana twisted and hurried off. It was clear she was fleeing. Lily gave up and went to her own locker.

            That night, Lily couldn’t sleep. She crept to the kitchen and made a cup of herbal tea. Her mom showed up in her bathrobe still rubbing her eyes. “Did you make me some?”

            Lily pushed the cup she’d made to her mom and microwaved another for herself.

            They sipped in silence for a moment and then Mom said, “If there’s anything you want to talk about, you could claim tomorrow that this was all a dream.”

            Lily couldn’t help but smile, even if it brought tears to her eyes. Sometimes her mother seemed to know exactly the right thing to say.

            Lily cradled her tea in both hands and said, “I think I know someone who might be able to heal Rose. And I should also tell that person something that might help a lot of other people, besides Rose. But I’ve tried every way I can to approach her, and she won’t speak with me.”

            “You’ve tried multiple times?”

            Lily nodded.

            “And you don’t think there’s any way she’ll listen?

            Lily shook her head.

            They both sat in silence for a while, and then Lily said, “I think I know how I might force her to heal Rose. Part of me thinks that’s the right thing to do. It’s such a small effort for her and would make such a big difference to Rose. Also, the thing I want to tell her that might help other people, I think she’d feel some responsibility if she knew, but maybe she isn’t letting herself think about it.”

            “What does the other part of you think?”

            “The other part of me thinks this person has a fairly good reason to be upset at me. She thinks I betrayed her trust, and she has good reason to believe I could hurt her again without even meaning to. If I make her do something against her will, it’s kind of a violation. It feels wrong.” Mom must have known she was talking about magic. Lily figured her mom probably knew exactly who and what she was talking about. But Mom just sat there with her eyelids half closed, sipping her tea and looking at Lily.

            “In order to feel right about it, you have to convince her without forcing her. Can you think of any way to convince her?”

           “I can’t write her a letter, because I know she doesn’t want any of this written down. I could try sending Rose on her own, but if that fails, I may also lose any chance of forcing the situation.”

            Mom sat silently, and Lily had an idea.

            “Maybe if I sent Rose and waited quite a way away. Maybe she’d help Rose, and then Rose could even deliver an extra message, to let her know about the rest of the problem if she’s at all willing to think that way. And at that point, if she wasn’t willing to help Rose, would it still be wrong to force her? Would it be less wrong? Maybe if Rose was dying it wouldn’t seem wrong. I mean, isn’t there a law that doctors have to help someone in danger of dying even if the doctor isn’t on duty and the patient is some random stranger?”

            “Rose isn’t likely to die of this.” Mom sipped at her tea and kept her voice quiet.

            “I know, but if she did I’d be mad at myself for not doing everything I could.” Lily felt for a moment how unbearable that would be, but then she remembered how unlikely it was. And it wouldn’t be fair to force Makana to heal everyone, not even if she was sure Kei made them sick. It might not be the only answer, but Lily was pretty sure she had her answer. She said to her mom, “You know, I think I’m glad I can’t heal people. I’d be worrying about stuff like this all the time.”

            Mom nodded and they finished their tea. By then, Lily was practically falling asleep at the table. Her mother cleared both cups and patted her on the back. “You go on to bed. I’ll take care of these.”

 

20

Choices

            The next morning Rose walked to school with Lily. They’d left early so that Lily could show her sister how to skirt through the woods by the middle school to get to the place where Makana ate lunch. When they’d reached the correct spot, Lily asked, “Are you sure you’ll be able to find it?”

            “Yes,” Rose said.

            “And you remember what to say when you get here?”

            Rose rolled her eyes. “I’ll show her my rashes and tell her the doctor says they’re caused by a genetic disorder but that you thought she might help because other friends of Kei’s seem to have had something similar. So, she might be willing to help with these things.”

            “Right, and then?”

            It was clear Rose wanted to complain, or say something sarcastic. That would have been reassuring in a way, but instead Rose forced out, “Sit there and be quiet and let her touch me if she wants to.”

            “And if she gets angry?”

            “Tell her you’re eating lunch in room 17 to stay out of the way, but she can find you there if she has any questions.” It amazed Lily how Rose was going along with what must seem like a crazy plan. Even if Rose was desperate enough to try anything at this point, it showed a certain amount of trust.

            “And if she asks what else I told you?”

            “I’ll tell her you didn’t tell me anything about her.” Lily rolled her eyes and planted her feet. “We don’t have to go over this anymore. You’re treating me like a little kid. I get that you’re not telling me stuff and that you and Makana have even more trouble between you than Kei and I do.”

            “Oh, but how I hope it works!” Even as Lily said it, she could feel the earth pulling from below her. She suddenly felt warm and wondered if wishes made ahead of time could matter. She closed her eyes for a moment, and her sister and the whole clearing were glowing. Lily couldn’t see if the magic came from her or the ground or someplace else, but it was dazzling. If the fish her father summoned had been like fireworks in the water, this was like a minor sun landing in their clearing.

Lily didn’t say another word until they were out of the woods. Then she and Rose split off to their separate schools. Lily closed her eyes once more but didn’t see any glow coming from her sister or back in the woods. She wasn’t sure if the magic had faded or if she just couldn’t see it right here with no skin touching the ground. Maybe it was better if she didn’t know.

 

            Paula huffed a bit when Lily said she was eating lunch in math class again. She pointed out that Lily’s phone had been off most of Sunday, but Lily was too preoccupied to turn it back on.

Lily sat in room 17 pretending to do her math, pretending to eat her lunch, and worrying to the pit of her stomach about what was happening in the woods. She thought a couple of times about the strange magic that seemed to happen that morning, but it couldn’t be cheating, could it? If she’d had no idea ahead of time that it was even possible—at least she’d meant well. Anyway, if Makana healed Rose, there’d be no way of telling what the real reasons were.

            Sitting in that room, Lily felt she could burst from uselessness. She wanted to be able to do something. It would almost be worth using her magic to force someone, if only she could do something herself. Only it wouldn’t be worth it. What she really wanted was to be able to heal her sister. She wanted to be USEFUL. At the very least she wanted to control and understand whatever she could do. And she wanted to be out where things were happening, not trapped in this stupid math classroom.

            Halfway through lunch, Makana peeked in the door. Lily’s almost choked on the single bite of apple she’d been eating for most of a minute. She quickly piled up her books and lunch and stepped out into the hall. Then she stood there silently, alight with hope, afraid anything she said would be wrong.

            “Oh, try not to look so pathetic. I came to see if you were really inside. You’ll be happy to know I did what you wanted anyway.” Makana shook back her hair as she said it, and silver crescent earrings flashed beneath her dark mane. Lily felt something toward her. If it wasn’t magic, it was still a pull from deep inside.

“Thank you. I’d do anything to repay you.”

Makana shifted her gaze from somewhere over Lily’s head, down to where she met Lily’s eyes. Her voice was softer though still a little mocking as she said, “What’s been happening to you? Were you always this anxious?”

Lily knew she shouldn’t answer, but she couldn’t help saying, “Maybe I was worried about my sister. And maybe I felt really bad about all sorts of things with you. And do you know what’s going on with your brother?”

Makana tensed but stood her ground. “No. I got that you were having Rose drop hints. Does she even know what you’re trying to tell me?”

“No, I was trying to protect your family’s privacy.”

Makana sighed. “As far as I can tell, Kei was pretty crappy to your sister, and maybe I’ve been harder than I should have been on you. Why don’t we meet at my place after school? I’m not ready to walk home with you, but I’m willing to hear what you have to say.”

“Thank you.” Lily wanted to hug Makana but didn’t move a muscle.

“Enough with the thanks already. I’ll see you later.”

Makana walked away as fast as she usually left the bus. Lily’s entire body was tense from the stress of the conversation. And yet, as she leaned back against the nearest wall, she felt as if things were finally right again. It was how she felt sometimes when touching magic in the earth, but this time the rightness was all inside her.

 

That afternoon, she stopped at home, hoping to check in with Rose and grab a quick snack. She was on her second tangerine when Rose shuffled through the front door and headed immediately to the bathroom.

“Lily, come see!”

Lily walked with her fruit to the open bathroom door, and there was Rose with her sweater pulled off and her arms and neck laid bare. “It’s shrinking see? Especially on my neck, there was twice as much gnarled old skin this morning.”

Lily nodded. Her sister hadn’t actually shown her the rash since she’d bought clothes to hide it, but Lily was prepared to take her word that it was healing. Besides, she’d believed in Makana. Now it was time for stage two.

“I’m about meet with Makana. Is there anything I should know?”

“Whatever she did worked.” Rose leaned in toward the mirror, pulling and shifting the skin on her neck. It still looked a bit like plucked chicken.

“When you see the doctor, maybe you can ask him to rerun the test. Then we’ll know if the genetic part is fixed also.”

“I bet it is." Rose was smiling at herself in the mirror. "And won’t that make him suspicious? I mean, you said I couldn’t tell anyone.”

Lily shrugged. “There’s nothing to tell. The tests have to be wrong sometimes, and don’t you want to know if it’s gone for good?”

Rose nodded slowly, less happy than a moment before. It was as if she hadn’t thought that far ahead. In that moment, Lily remembered her sister as a little kid who’d followed her around and copied her every move, and she wrapped her in a hug like she hadn’t in years. Rose hugged back and then she held her arm out straight and started inspecting the inside of her elbow. “This part’s looking better, too.”

“Good. I’m going over to Makana’s. You can tell Mom or Dad if I’m not home before them.”

“Did you and Makana make up?”

“I’m not sure.”

Lily left Rose inspecting her skin, and began walking to Makana’s place. It wasn’t far, and Lily couldn’t feel any pull behind her ribs, so she figured Makana must be safely inside.

That was fair, more than fair. Lily wondered if Makana might have changed her mind and decided not to see her at all. Or what if she had planned some sort of revenge and Lily was walking into a trap? But realistically, what sort of trap would Makana set? She was hardly the type to post embarrassing pictures on the internet. Could she know some trick to take Lily’s magic away? If she only took the part that influenced people, Lily might be okay with that. She couldn’t think of many situations in which she’d really want to use it, even if she could learn to control it.

What if magic was like a disease and Makana could cure it? Lily realized she didn’t want to lose whatever she had. Surely would be a violation to take it against her will. Would Makana consider that fair revenge? The other day, after the bus ride, she had written in red letters that she never wanted to speak with Lily again. Had she truly changed her mind?

Lily was afraid. Every muscle in her body was tight. She saw Makana’s door and almost turned away, but couldn’t. Instead, she walked up the worn concrete steps and knocked on the door.

Makana answered fast, as if she’d been watching. They stood for a moment, Lily outside the door, Makana a little way inside.

“You’d better come to my room,” Makana said, “Kei’s already home.” She motioned to his door, which was shut.

Lily followed Makana down the hall, and into the room where she’d once spent the night. She looked at the bed, the hammock, the desk. She looked at Makana who wore a gray blue skirt and a woven sweater with a low scoop neck. Lily felt her heart hammer and wasn’t sure if that was fear or attraction.

Makana stood by the window, and Lily closed the bedroom door and stood with her hand on the knob. “I’m glad you’re willing to talk to me, and I’m really sorry about everything that happened before.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Makana said. “Get on with it and tell me whatever it is about my brother.”

“Okay,” Lily’s chest tightened, and she knew that was fear. What she was about to say could make Makana even madder than before, especially if she was wrong, but she had to try. “Rose says Kei freaked out when he saw her rash, and that was back when it was only a little dried skin on her neck. Then when Rose went to the doctor, it turned out he’d seen two other cases of this rare genetic disorder within the last year. Both turned out to be kids in the same grade as Kei, kids who he’d spent some time with. I’m not really sure how it would work, and I know it’s all sort of circumstantial, but what if Kei’s magic is that he passes off his own illnesses to others. That could have happened the other time Rose got sick, but if it’s simply a virus, there’s no way to know if magic is involved.”

Makana was looking out the window. She didn’t move or say anything when Lily paused, so Lily kept on explaining. “I’m thinking, what if Kei has this genetic disease, PXE or Pseudoxanthoma elasticum or whatever you want to call it. Maybe when he starts getting symptoms, like a bit of rash on his neck, he uses his magic to get rid of it. But maybe he can’t really heal himself. Maybe he just passes it on to someone else. He may not even mean to, but that would explain why he reacted so badly to seeing the rash. What if he suspects the others caught it from him? He might even suspect that’s his own magic.”

Makana turned away from the window. The light hitting one side of her hair and face made her look severe. “Kei doesn’t believe in magic.”

She said it like it was an ultimatum or an indisputable fact of the universe.

“But how?” Lily asked.

“Some kids reject their family’s religion or politics. Kei refused to believe in magic.”

“But haven’t you or your mom told him?”

Makana swallowed and shifted foot to foot. She turned back partway to the window. “My mom tried to talk with us both, back when she only suspected I could heal people. She said she could see auras and that ours were both so strong and bright that she was sure we could be kapua.”

Lily was about to ask what “kapua” meant when Makana continued.

“Kapua seems to mean different things to every Hawaiian who knows the word. Maybe it’s a shaman or a healer or even a sort of philosopher/psychologist/spiritual guide. I think my brother wanted to believe at first, but that was when our mom started dragging me along to some of her jobs, and our dad had only recently left. Kei was young, only six years old, but somehow he felt like if he couldn’t be special right away, then he was going to rebel against the whole idea and refuse to believe anything about auras or healing or whatever. Mom took him along once when I healed someone’s cataracts. This old man, someone Kei had met before through family friends, regained his vision, and Kei started yelling and saying we were all trying to trick him and make him crazy.”

Makana paused again, looking out the window where it had started to rain. There was still enough sun that there might well be a rainbow. Lily wanted to believe Makana was looking for a rainbow, not reliving that moment when her brother freaked out. How old would Makana have been, nine maybe? What would it be like to restore someone’s vision and have your brother accuse you of faking it to make him crazy?

“After that,” Makana continued, standing up tall if a little too stiff, “We didn’t talk about what I did. My mom still took me to things, sometimes made comments about people’s auras, but we didn’t discuss anything further, even when Kei wasn’t around.”

Makana said it like it was nothing, like it was all long ago. But piled around her room were journals, most of them written in code. Makana had at least partly chosen to talk to Lily about magic. Maybe Lily had accidently forced Makana to invite her for an overnight, but Makana had known by the first time Lily entered this room, and she’d shown Lily her early journal entry, tried to help her, given her books. What had it meant to Makana? Had it been painful to dredge up a forbidden subject? Had it been a relief to have someone to talk to? Lily didn’t know and didn’t know how to ask.

“Makana, when you came to my house while Rose and I were sick,” this time Makana made eye contact when Lily paused, she even nodded to encourage Lily to continue. “That was the day you told me that Kei was dating Rose. I thought, maybe, you suspected?”

Makana leaned back against the windowsill, looking more relaxed than at any other point in the conversation. She shook her hair back behind her shoulders and said, “Maybe. I knew Kei didn’t get sick, which could have been some magic in himself or maybe I was healing him without even knowing it. He’d said something about Rose being sick for a long time, and when you were out, I thought you might have caught it. But I had no real reason to believe Kei made Rose sick, whether it was magic or a virus or whatever. Maybe I felt uneasy, but I told myself I just wanted to make you better so we could get on with things at the children’s home. I didn’t write anything about Kei when I wrote about that day in my journal, but maybe I should have. Sometimes I still don’t know how to put my thoughts into words, not even when I’m writing for myself.”

Lily felt a connection to Makana when she said that. It wasn’t her magic, and she didn’t know if Makana felt anything. But Lily wondered if back when they’d been friends, maybe they'd both felt less alienated. Even if Makana didn't want to pin anything down with words like magic, talking might have been better sometimes than writing in a coded journal. Maybe Lily had been able to give Makana that much, and maybe she could again—but she didn’t let her mind go there right now.

“So, you’re not mad at me for telling you this?”

“No.” A flash of relief swept Lily like a cool breeze. “I think I might even need your help.”

Lily's heart thumped hard, and once again she wasn’t sure what she thought. Makana sat down on her bed and motioned for Lily to sit as well. Then they started working out a plan.

 

When the rain subsided to a drizzle, Makana went outside and strung a tarp like a canopy with its arch between two trees. Lily watched from inside the bedroom window. Makana didn’t really want to be outside together until it was necessary, and Lily could accept that. Spending half an hour plotting together had been more than Lily ever hoped for. Making plans with Makana felt right, as if they were the only two people in the universe who could really understand each other. At least for the case in question, they sort of were.

Still, Lily felt guilty sitting inside, clean and dry, while Makana tied twine around six different trees and arranged a tarp to create a neat peaked roof. Makana was good with knots, and Lily thought that was something she should learn. She dared to hope that she could rebuild her friendship with Makana and maybe learn knot tying and poi spinning along the way.

Soon Makana came in for the hammock and a radio. She dug around in her not particularly tidy closet to find a battery-operated radio. The plan required noise to make Kei notice, and Makana didn’t have loud enough speakers for her iPod.

Soon, Makana was lying in her hammock under her neatly constructed roof. The rain pattered lightly against the tarp and Makana set the radio to some emo station. She got herself swinging and then pretended to rest peacefully with her eyes closed. The act continued for over fifteen minutes, long enough that Lily wished she’d brought her homework. She was going to pay for this tonight, but if it worked, it would be more than worth it.

Finally, Makana turned off her radio and trailed though the wet grass to come back inside.

Once she was back in the bedroom, there was nothing to do but watch and see if Kei would take the bait. They each stood to one side of the window, watching the hammock. There wasn’t even enough wind to make it sway. The rain abated to almost nothing and a rainbow formed over the trees.

“There’s no way he’ll resist that,” Makana said. He always wants anything I have, and he loves hammocks. He’s probably waiting to make sure I’m out of the way.”

“What if he doesn’t look out his window?”

“The glass is up. I could see from outside. I know he’s in his room, and there’s no way he could ignore that music and not even glance outside.” Still, her eyes flicked constantly to the window.

Lily figured it wouldn’t be a total loss if Kei didn’t take the bait today. It would provide an excuse for her to come back some other time. Makana wasn’t planning to merely heal her brother. Lily’s magic was critical to the plan, and while Lily hadn’t been sure at first, it seemed like the right thing to do now. She still wouldn’t be heartbroken if they couldn’t do it today.

Then there was a clanking noise in the kitchen. A squeaky door opened and closed.

Lily watched with Makana as Kei made his way out to the hammock. He was listening to his iPod and carrying a microwaved burrito. He trampled a path directly to the hammock.

“Let’s go,” Makana said.

If she was nervous about going outside with Lily, it didn’t show. Lily stepped out barefoot, and as they crept around behind some bushes in a neighboring yard, Lily was already wishing at Kei as planned.

She wished that he’d believe in magic, be willing to talk about it and listen to his sister. She wished he’d believe in his own magic and speak honestly with them.

Makana stopped, and Lily knew they’d come to the spot she thought would work best. They were between three trees that looked like they might have all sprouted around an older tree, sometime now long gone. The smell of the greenery after the rain was fresh and bright. Lily pushed her toes into the ground and felt warmth flow up into her, filling her. She wished again for Kei to believe, to listen, to speak honestly. At first she’d had some doubts, worrying that this was an unfair way to use her magical influence. But Makana seemed convinced that this was what Kei needed, above and beyond healing some possible genetic condition. Makana insisted this was the only way Kei might learn to control his magic and possibly find something positive he could do.

Lily believed. She trusted Makana’s knowledge of her brother. She trusted her own decision to use her magic this way. As the energy from the ground burned through her, Lily was certain she’d mastered this part of wishing. She knew she was working magic on Kei, and she felt strong and good.

Maybe Makana knew it too. She tugged on Lily’s sleeve and they both headed out, around the bushes and toward the hammock.

Kei didn’t notice them at first. He was lying on his back in the hammock with ear buds in his ears and tears slipping from the outside corners of his eyes back into his hair, disappearing above his ears. Lily wondered why he was crying, and then it was as if she could read his mind, or maybe the earth beneath her feet knew. He was lying there thinking about magic and finally letting himself believe that it was real and he had power. And if he was crying, Lily thought he must at least suspect what he could do.

Lily and Makana stood silently for a moment by the hammock. Makana walked up to touch her brother’s hair. He startled and opened his eyes.

“You’ve taken over my hammock,” Makana said.

“Wouldn’t want it going to waste,” Kei answered. He slid an arm over his face with the elbow bent. It could have looked like he was covering his eyes, planning to ignore them and possibly nap. But it was also a way to wipe his tears without being obvious, and Lily figured it didn’t matter if they all knew as long as no one mentioned it.

“Lily and I thought we should talk to you. I’m sure you don’t want to hear it, but Lily’s a little like our mom. She kind of feels or sometimes even sees something she calls magic.”

Kei looked at Lily but didn’t say anything. She knew it was her turn to talk. “It’s true. I can sense something in animals and in a few people. Sometimes it pulls me to them; sometimes it’s a glow when I close my eyes. As far as I know, all the people I sense that way have some sort of magic. I knew you were like that. I guessed the rest, and I’m wondering if you have, too.”

Kei started at her, as if he wanted to deny it, but couldn’t. He seemed to choke for a moment. His face tightened like he might be sick, and Lily felt a moment of doubt. Maybe this wasn’t the right way to use her magic, no matter what Kei might do to people otherwise. What if he found out? Would he hate her? Makana had thought they shouldn’t tell him, that it was a nudge to make him confront something he’d been denying for too long. But as his forehead and eyes wrinkled up, Lily had doubts, and she could feel her magic weakening, flowing down into the ground.

Makana moved her hand to her brother’s shoulder. “Talk to me,” she said. And Lily focused on only that, wanting Kei to have this one honest discussion with his sister.

            His face relaxed and he quickly wiped a few tears which had squeezed from his eyes. “I guess I’m some kind of bad luck. Whenever something bad happens to me, I pass it on to someone around me. I gave that rash to Rose, didn’t I? And then I made her all angry at me to keep her away, because I couldn’t deal with it.”

            Makana nodded, with eyes only for Kei. Lily was a little uncomfortable. She took a step back and closed her eyes. She could see Makana’s power glowing like a small sun and flowing along the arm that touched her brother. That light didn’t flow to the center of Kei. It flowed and swirled like colored dye entering a tank of water. Not that Makana’s glow was different from her brother's. It was brighter at her center, but within Kei, his own magical glow was indistinguishable from that pouring in through Makana. There were just currents and sometime ripples like a heat mirage as the two powers mixed.

            “I even thought that I should tell you,” Kei mumbled. “And maybe you could heal Rose, and well, Kevin and Leon, too, I think. But I kept telling myself you were a fake, and that meant I hadn’t done anything either. What they have, it isn’t supposed to be contagious. It had to be some weird coincidence, as long as I didn’t believe it could be my fault.”

            There was silence, real silence, because the rain had stopped. For a moment, there wasn’t even a drip. Then Kei asked, “Are you going to heal Rose?”

            “I tried today. I think it worked.”

            Kei's eyes widened briefly, then flicked away as he asked, “Could you heal Kevin and Leon?”

            “Maybe. We could try.”

            He rested his hand on top of Makana's, where she held his shoulder. “I should have told you sooner. I should have known—”

            Makana cur him off as his words sped up. “I’m trying to heal you, too. I think if I can heal the real problem, the genetics or maybe just the part that makes the skin wrong, then maybe you’ll be done with that. It won’t keep cropping up for you and being handed off to others while you learn a better way to control and use what you can do.”

            “I didn’t mean to.” Finally he was meeting his sister's eyes.

            “I guessed.” Makana sounded calm as she held his gaze.

            He cried for real then. Lily walked away to give them privacy. She wondered if she should go home but decided to go inside, to Makana’s room, before she started wanting anything that might affect Makana’s plans.

            After a while, Makana came in, too.

            “You could have wiped your feet better.”

            Lily looked down and saw there were still several pieces of grass or dirt stuck to the sides or tops of her feet, even though she’d wiped them on the mat. “Sorry, I didn’t notice.”

            “It’s okay,” Makana opened her closet and pulled a towel off a hook. She tossed the towel to Lily and said, “I’m assuming you came inside because you were worried you’d want something and it might affect me?”

            Lily nodded and dried her feet. When she looked up, Makana was staring at her.

            “Well, I didn’t feel any urge to stay friends with you or invite you back while I was out there, so I guess you were successful. I can’t say what I feel for you now. I’m glad you helped get through to my brother, but I think it would creep him out to know your part in it. I may tell him later, but he’s got enough to deal with for now. I think he wants to make up with your sister, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt if you and I were at least on speaking terms.”

            “That would be nice.”

            Makana lifted her hair off her neck and tossed it, shaking off a few drops of water. The room smelled like lavender and soap as she said, “Yeah. I missed you sometimes, even when I was mad at you.”

            “I think I’m getting better at controlling it,” Lily said. She hadn’t thought it through in words, but what she’d done today had felt more intentional, more under her own control than her previous experiments.

            “Good.” That was all Makana said. She glanced toward the window where they could both see the hammock. Kei was no longer out there. “Look, I should put that stuff away. Maybe next week you could come over here again, and we could talk. Maybe Tuesday?”

            “Works for me.” Lily held the towel out to Makana, because she didn’t know what else to do with it. Makana took it with both hands and managed to squeeze Lily’s hand in the process. It was almost like a handshake, which suddenly didn’t seem like such a silly way to seal an agreement.

            Lily walked home feeling better than she had in weeks.

 

21

Others

Paula came to spend the night at Lily’s that Saturday. She’d pretty much invited herself over, and Lily thought that was probably fair. Paula had been really upset when Lily forgot to turn her phone on a second time. However overwhelmed Lily had been with sorting out magic, she knew there were things she needed to learn about the care and keeping of friends.

They sat in the living room building card castles until dinner. It was kind of fun. Lily had constructed two basic cubes of five cards each (four sides and a roof). She’d built a flat bridge in between them and was now trying to balance two cards like an arch. Paula was working on the main living room coffee table and had used more than one deck of cards fashioning a villa with a central courtyard.

If her time in Hawaii hadn’t been all mixed up with magic and Makana, Lily thought she could have been a much better friend to Paula. Then again, Paula seemed to be a pretty take charge sort of person. Maybe she liked coming up with all the ideas for everything they did together. Lily might have annoyed her by suggesting too many competing options if she’d had her full attention on the friendship.

Paula was adding second story towers to the front corners of her villa when the front door opened and a wet gust of wind rushed in. Lily was instantly annoyed on Paula’s behalf even though she hardly cared about her own card structures.

Rose slammed the door behind her and declared, “You’ll never believe what Kei did!”

Mom stepped from the kitchen doorway to their dining table with a steaming casserole in her hands. “How about if we disbelieve over dinner? Everyone wash your hands, please!”

Paula and Lily started to rise as Rose announced, “He embarrassed me in front of everyone at Starbucks!”

Dad reached the table with two bowls of vegetables, set them down and walked across the living room to Rose. He had his understanding father frown on as her placed a hand on Rose’s shoulder and said, “We really do want to hear about this. However, you’re late for dinner, and since you were supposed to be coming home from a movie, this complaint about Starbucks may not be well timed.”

Rose tossed her shoulders back and shook her head and hair, but she went and washed for dinner without further theatrics.

When they’d all sat down, Mom explained facing Paula, “We’re trying a new recipe tonight from a cookbook potluck I went to a few months back.”

“Oh no, not again,” Rose muttered, but was ignored.

“This,” Mom motioned to a cheesy looking casserole, “Is baked taco salad. It includes tortilla, beef, black bean, and all the other parts you’d expect in a taco salad.”

While Lily was not as rude as her sister, she was also a bit concerned when mom tried out new recipes. Dad generally had a better sense for how ingredients would come together in the kitchen. Lily looked at the two vegetable dishes he’s brought out. One involved raw tomatoes and onions, almost like a salsa but in larger chunks. The other looked like yellow mush, possibly devolved from corn. She hoped for the best, but couldn’t help wishing her parents would try things out on weeknights and not when she had company. Nonetheless, she helped herself to a full scoop of each as the dishes came around.

“So, Rose,” Mom said as she took up her fork, “Why don’t you tell us how you came to be at Starbucks and what exactly happened?”

Rose had already shoved a bite of casserole into her mouth, but her whole body straighten up and pull forward when offered the chance to tell. She chewed really fast and spoke while there was still food in the back of her mouth. “Really, Mom, I had to stop by Starbucks. It’s the first time I’ve been out with my friends in ages,” meaning since she’d had her rash, “and everyone else was going.”

Lily expected a parental objection to that use of “everyone,” but evidently her parents were feeling sympathetic. Or maybe they didn’t want to speak with their mouths full.

“Anyway, we were chatting at our table, only girls present, and Kei comes up and taps me on the shoulder. I was totally startled. Then he asks if we can speak outside for a moment. I said, ‘I don’t think so!’” Lily found Rose’s imitation of her own obnoxious tone amusing, but very unflattering. “Anyway, just like that, he goes down on one knee and starts apologizing, saying he’s sorry he wasn’t more understanding and he wished I’d give him a second chance.”

Rose stopped with her teeth gritted in outrage, luckily, no food was showing.

Paula cut in with, “I think that’s kind of sweet. I wish more guys could stage a grand gesture like that, especially an apology.”

Rose stared at her.

Dad said, “It sounds like he meant well, but I’m sorry you were embarrassed in front of your friends.”

Mom glanced nervously between Paula and Dad, and it was clear she was thinking about magic. After the failed healing attempt at the seashore, Mom had been relieved when Rose recovered, even when she explained that it wasn't Lily whose magic had succeeded. Mom had made an appointment to follow up with the doctor and redo Rose’s genetic test. She’d admitted that a little white lie, like not mentioning anything about magic, was probably okay in this case. Doctors could be allowed to believe in mistakes with obscure genetics tests if necessary.

That started Lily worrying about the other part. She and Dad hadn’t fully explained to the others about Lily’s way of wishing, maybe even forcing, someone into doing what she wanted. Lily tried to remember exactly what she’d wished at Kei: for him to believe in magic and talk honestly with his sister. Could either of those have led to a public apology to Rose? It had been three days since she and Makana used magic on Kei. Whatever Lily wished should have stopped working as soon as Kei went inside. Of course, once he’d opened up to believing in magic and talking to his sister, it wouldn’t make sense for him to change his mind as soon as he walked inside.

Lily suddenly realized that wishing for people to change their beliefs, especially when they didn’t know any outside force was involved, might make a far bigger change than any of the other actions she could wish for. Lily had trouble swallowing the food in her mouth and wasn’t very hungry after that. Rose went on talking about the incident with Kei. Lily didn’t feel directly responsible for that. If it had in any way come from conversations Kei had with Makana, that was probably a healthier family dynamic than they’d had before. But the sense of responsibility, of once again not seeing ahead of time what she might cause, completely spoiled Lily’s appetite.

 

Later that night, when Lily finished brushing her teeth and Paula was already in the bedroom, Lily tapped lightly on her sister’s door.

Rose opened the door a crack, and then a little more to let Lily in. “I don’t want to butt in,” Lily said.

“I noticed you got quiet at dinner.” Lily looked at Rose with slightly greater respect. This wasn’t the bratty reaction she would have gotten last year.

“I thought you should know, Kei might be going through a lot of stuff around what happened to you and what his sister can do. We kind of forced him to deal with it all at once.”

“You think I should get back together with him?” Rose lowered her face so her raised eyebrows were front and center.

“Not necessarily.” Lily realized he might still be plague boy, and she wasn’t sure she really wanted Rose involved in his “learning” experiences. But it would have been hypocritical for her to say so. “I don’t have any better idea than you do about what’s going on in their family or what’s gone on in the past. But I think if you were ever in a position to ask his side, you’d find he had to come to terms with a lot pretty fast this week.”

“You’re still preachy,” Rose said, “but thanks for playing.” She reached around Lily and opened her door again, letting her leave without further discussion. Lily went back to her sleepover and tried not to think about magic.

 

The next morning after breakfast, Paula decided the two of them should go back to the park with the trapeze. As they walked Lily asked, “Did something happen with Ann Marie and Kelsey? You seem to be spending less time with them.”

Paula raised her eyebrows. “Don't take this the wrong way, but I've been friends with them both for a long time. It's not that they don't like you, but they may not enjoy some of our conversations or spending as much time with you as I want to. I figure it's the same with you and Makana. Whatever you share with her may be different from what we have, but we've found ways to make that work.”

Lily hadn't realized Paula put any thought into balancing her different friendships, let alone into how Lily managed different aspects of her life. But things were easy between them lately. It struck Lily that she and Paula had learned together, even if those lessons didn't involve magic or other complications like her interactions with Makana.

“You don't mind running lines with me, do you?” Paula asked as she pulled a script from her purse. I figure you could cue me while doing your trapeze moves.”

Lily spent much of the morning hanging from her knees and reading cue lines, or working in an exercise or a pose whenever Paula had a particularly long part to say.

            Midway through, Lily spotted the guy with the dog, the same one they’d seen that other Sunday morning at this park. Lily closed her eyes to check and saw the two glowing forms. She swung down to put her feet on the ground, and she tried to pull her power tight the way she saw her dad and Makana focus. She let one sincere wish fill her mind, “Come here.”

            The dog started barking, and Lily opened her eyes to see the muscled, surfer-type guy being pulled across the park by his suddenly excited dog. The dog jumped and pulled until he was within two yards of Lily and Paula. At that point the guy bent down and slid his hand through the dog’s collar. “Calm down, Spammy.” The dog calmed immediately. The man looked up at the girls and said, “I don’t know what got into him. He usually only reacts like that to me.”

            Lily smiled. “That’s okay. He’s a great dog. What did you call him, Spammy?”

            “Yeah, Spammy. Like the canned meat.”

            “Is it safe to pet him?” Lily asked.

            “Ah, sure.”

            Lily stepped forward and held her hand out for Spammy to sniff. He sniffed. He licked. She petted.

            “He really likes you,” the guy said.

            “I guess I get along with animals, at least some animals. Oh, my name’s Lily, by the way.”

            “I’m Jack,” he said, and looked up at Paula.

            “Paula,” she said, and waved from where she stood on the other side of the little kids’ trapeze.

            Lily kept petting Spammy, trying to work through what had happened and how she could find out if Jack knew about magic. It wasn’t like he’d come when she’d wished it. More likely, her wishing had worked on Spammy. It made sense now that she thought about it. So far, every animal she’d seen glowed when she looked at things that way, and “come” was a basic dog command.

            “Does Spammy know any tricks?” Lily asked.

            “Not really. A few basics like sit and come.”

            “Can I see if he’ll do them for me?”

            Jack looked at her like that was a strange request, and from the corner of her eye she could see Paula fidgeting. “It’s just, I haven’t had a dog for a long time, and Spammy seems so like my old dog.”

            She was lying. Her family had never had a dog, but Jack took a step back. “Give it a try.”

            Lily walked a few yards away across the grass. “Come, Spammy.” She could feel a warmth rising from the ground and knew she was thinking it with magic also.

            Spammy came, dragging his leash behind him, but that didn’t really prove anything.

            Lily said, “Sit,” but she wanted very much for him to lie down instead. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to want it with magic.

            Spammy sat and then a moment later he lay down.

            Lily tried wishing for Jack to walk over to them, but he didn't move. Spammy rolled over on his back.

            “Come here, boy,” Jack called, and Spammy went. He wagged his tail happily as Jack reached down for his leash. “Well, it was nice meeting you.” Jack waved and started to walk away.

            Lily tried wishing directly at Jack. She wished for him to say something about next Sunday. She wanted him to say, “See you next Sunday,” or “We’ll be back next Sunday,” but he kept walking. Lily concluded her magic didn't work on Jack, and she had no idea if he knew about his own magic.

            Paula came over to Lily, forcing her to refocus her attention.

            “That was weird,” Paula said.

            “Why?” Lily wondered for a moment if Paula had some awareness of magic or if something else showed.

            “He’s a lot older than us, and you were kind of forward with him. I’ve never seen you act like that.” It was clear Paula thought Lily had been flirting.

            Lily looked at the ground. “I just liked his dog.”

            “Did you really have one just like him?”

            “Not just like him, and that was a couple moves ago.” Lily felt bad lying to Paula. Over and over, keeping secrets about magic seemed to interfere with their friendship. It was one thing to make a fake excuse when talking to some guy in a park, but it wasn’t fair to a friend. And what if Paula brought it up back at the house and found out Lily had lied to her?

            Paula shrugged. “The dog seemed to like you, and the guy was kind of cute, but my mom would totally warn me off talking to someone his age in a situation like this.”

            “Mine too, probably. Maybe we shouldn't mention it.”

            “I guess all’s well that ends well. Back to trapeze and the play,” Paula said with a flourish of her hand.

            Lily was almost surprised to find the script she’d been reading from still in her left hand. But she carried it back toward the little trapeze and searched for Paula’s next cue line.

 

            The next day on the way to the children’s home, Paula talked nonstop about the upcoming play. Lily snuck a few glances at Makana, but all she could see were the long waves of hair hanging down around her notebook. She wondered what Makana was writing and hardly heard a word Paula said.

 

            At Lokahi Children’s Home, Lily forced herself to go directly to Mrs. Mao’s office and knock on the door.

            “Come in.”

            Lily opened the door and kept her back straight as she said, “Good afternoon, Mrs. Mao.”

            “Good afternoon, Lily. Please come in.”

            Lily entered and sat looking at the picture of lilies on the wall. When Mrs. Mao didn’t initiate any conversation, Lily said, “I was wondering if it was okay to teach juggling again today.”

            “Do you think you can be fair to all the children?”

            “Yes,” Lily said.

            “Then I guess that would be alright.”

            “Thank you,” Lily said. “And is there any way I could leave the extra beanbags and scarves that my mom’s friends made for the kids to practice with?”

            Mrs. Mao waited for Lily to look up and meet her eyes, then she said. “I’ve thought about that and talked with the staff. We’ve decided the materials could cause more trouble than good, since there aren’t nearly as many juggling sets as children. It's hard when you're new someplace to foresee all the way you might upset existing balances.”

            Lily thought that was ridiculous and that the children were old enough to share. Any one of them would rather have the chance to share than not have the materials available at all. But she sensed the part about her being new, an outsider, might be the real concern. “My family moves a lot, so I may never have a chance to see all that. But with your experience, I'm hoping you can help me find a good solution. What if I made more scarves and beanbags? If I had a set of three for every child here, would that work?”

            Lily hadn’t really thought this through before, and it was clear Mrs. Mao hadn’t either. But to her credit, Mrs. Mao was silent for a short while and then said, “If you came up with that many, I believe you would sufficiently have addressed the concern. But be aware, there are sixty-four children living here at present.”

            Lily nodded and said, “All right. Thank you.”

            Then she went outside and taught juggling for two hours straight.

 

            That night, long after dinner, she sat with her family, drinking hot chocolate in the living room.

“Anyone have need of a family meeting?” Dad asked.

            “I think I can talk to dogs,” Lily said, “but maybe only if they know the words.” Lily was tired, and it just came out.

            “Is there something more there that we’re supposed to understand?” Mom asked.

            “I don’t have to say anything out loud, and it probably only works outside.”

            “Oh, more magic, great.” Rose said. “I spoke with Kei.”

            Lily suddenly felt wide awake and looked to see if Rose was okay. “He had a lot to say about magic too. He’s worried that he made me and the others sick, and he wants to know when they redo the genetic test.”

            “Is that all?” Lily asked.

            “All I’m likely to tell you.” Rose rolled her eyes, but she was smiling a little. Lily figured her sister and Kei had made up.

            “That’s fine,” said Dad. “In case anyone’s curious, I’ve been experimenting, too. Whatever I did with the animals, it only seems to work when I’m with Lily. I don’t know if I somehow help with her magic or if I help her believe in it more.”

            Lily was a little surprised that Dad had been experimenting, and then realized he may have done it as much for her sake as for his own. She felt a bit irresponsible for not doing more experimenting herself. “Did you try at the beach again?”

            He nodded, “And up by your school.”

            “Maybe you just need me there to spot the animals. I could try coming out after you start sometime.”

“Maybe if you can talk to animals and see them with magic, it makes sense to think you can call them yourself.” Dad raised his hot chocolate in a sort of salute.

“But then what’s your magic?”

Her dad shrugged. “Maybe it magnifies yours? Maybe it knows what you want and tries to make it so?”

“But it happened with Makana, too.”

“I think I missed a step,” Mom said.

“Once Dad offered to buy ice cream and sit in the back seat of the car, and I figured out I’d influenced him with magic. But it’s only happened with Dad and Makana. I think it only works on people who have magic, or who glow when I close my eyes, whatever that means.”

“You can make Dad do whatever you want?” Rose whined.

“It hasn’t worked when I’ve tried on purpose, and I’m pretty sure all my magic only happens outside.”

“And we have what, your word on that?” Rose had moved to the front of her chair and looked ready to bolt.

Dad reached a hand out to Rose’s shoulder, “Lily and I will keep working to figure this out, but until then, her word is enough.”

“This sucks. You guys get magic and all I get is sick.” Rose had a point. Lily felt bad, especially when she realized how upset she would be if positions were reversed and she had to trust Rose not to influence Dad or others.

            “I’m sorry, dear,” Dad started, his hand still on Rose's shoulder. “I realize it doesn’t seem fair, and if I could do something—”

            “Skip it, Dad. How about donuts? You can make homemade, jam-filled donuts with me this weekend for the same amount of time as you go out practicing with Lily.”

            “Okay.” Dad shrugged and looked at Lily.

            “Do I get a donut?” Lily asked.

            Rose shrugged.

            Mom laughed, “You can come grocery shopping with me.”

            “Oh, can we get beans and fabric, too?” Suddenly, the whole family was looking at Lily as if she'd said something crazier than talking about magic. Lily explained about her goal to make sixty-four sets of beanbags or scarves, and suddenly they were making plans that would fill at least the next weekend.

 

22

Tokens

            On Tuesday, Lily didn’t see Makana during or after school. As she started walking home she focused and could feel a faint tug behind her ribs. She wouldn’t have noticed without trying and wondered how far away Makana was for the connection to feel that faint. Had Makana hurried home to avoid walking together? Lily hoped she remembered inviting her over for this afternoon.

            As she walked, Lily paid special attention to the pull that told her Makana was outside and not too far away. Lily was halfway between school and her apartment when the sensation ended. That must mean Makana was safe inside. Lily felt lonely for a moment, and then felt a little guilty, like she’d been spying. She was pretty sure she hadn’t wished anything, at least.

            After a brief stop at home to dump her school stuff, Lily headed for Makana’s. She was let into a living room that seemed much more tidy than before. There was a scent of real flowers and Lily looked around to see orchids in a vase on the table. Makana was wearing an indigo dress that looked nicer than what she usually wore to school, but since she often wore fairly nice skirts, Lily wasn’t sure she should comment. Then Kei peeked out of his room, and he was wearing a tan button down shirt.

            “What’s going on?” Lily asked.

            “We’re having a special guest,” Makana said. She didn’t smile though. In fact, she looked sort of nervous. Lily felt her own muscles tighten along her shoulders and neck.

            “Should I come back some other time?”

            “No, we asked him to come today so he could help with you, too,” Makana said while straightening a pillow on the sofa.

            “Help with me?” Lily asked.

            “You’ll see.” Makana still wasn’t making eye contact as she fussed about the living room, and Lily wondered if she might be out for revenge. What if Makana wanted to “cure” Lily’s magic after all? She might think that was fair since Lily still didn’t really know how to control it, especially the wishing or wanting part. She watched Makana trying to detect any anger in her movements.

            What she saw was Makana shifting her weight from one foot to the other. She saw her look out the window and tug at her hair. She wanted to go over and put her arm around Makana’s shoulders, to be her friend and reduce her stress. Unfortunately, she was probably part of the problem, not the solution.

            Makana’s mom drove up in their old jeep, and there was someone with her.

            The man who climbed out on the passenger side was dark and shriveled. Lily guessed he must be at least seventy, maybe older. His hair was something in between a short, graying afro and dreadlocks. It clumped together like miniature tumble weeds.

            His nose was large and had some kind of growth on it, a big pinkish lump. He wore several strings of bead and leather bands around his neck, over a loose shirt of woven red and yellow. As someone to look at, he could have been fascinating, but Lily was wondering why he’d come and what it had to do with her.

            Makana’s mom, Leilani, held the door for the old man. Layered sleeves of black and turquoise hung from her arms, and Lily felt distinctly underdressed in the jeans and tee she'd worn to school. The old man shuffled in, and Leilani motioned him toward the dining room table, where he sat at one end and deposited a black leather bag.

            Leilani introduced him, “Dr. Basa, these are my children, Kei and Makana, and their friend, Lily.”

            The doctor nodded and motioned Kei closer. “Sit,” he said, low and hard, as if this was his office and not Kei’s home.

            Kei sat in the chair to Dr. Basa’s left, and Basa started pulling items from his black leather bag. First came a very worn piece of fur, laid furry side down. From the shape Lily would guess it as a squirrel, cut off at the neck and sliced open along each leg and the belly. A few moments more study made her think it had been a flying squirrel, because the skin on the sides came almost all the way down to the feet. She began to wonder what sort of a doctor the man was.

            On top of the fur, came a mortar and pestle. The man looked deep into Kei’s eyes and said, “Do you have pieces of your power?”

            Kei’s lips drew back a little, and Lily realized he must be terribly uncomfortable and trying to play it cool. Makana stepped forward with a Ziploc baggie that seemed to hold scrapings of skin. Lily couldn’t help leaning forward to see better as Basa poured the contents into his mortar. The skin looked dry and there seemed to be a couple of lumps.

            Rose’s skin hadn’t formed lumps, and to collect that much from her would have required a knife and been pretty painful. But Lily was willing to bet this sample came from someone else with the same illness. Someone a little darker than Rose, maybe one of the boys, Kevin or Leon.

            She tiptoed back to stand beside Makana and whispered as quietly as she could, “Where did you get that skin?”

            “When I healed Leon, I told him the kapua needed it to make his ointment.”

            “Ointment?” Lily whispered, perhaps a little too loudly, since Leilani gave them a look.

            “Later,” Makana answered, almost subvocally.

            Lily watched as Dr. Basa drew a couple of small folded paper packets from his bag and dropped a few specks of crushed leaves from each in with the skin flakes. Then he carefully put the packets away and began to grind with his pestle. He closed his eyes as he did so, and Lily wished they were outside so she could see if there was magic involved. She was sure there was.

            When Basa opened his eyes, he gave Kei a long look again and then retrieved a metal ball the size of a jingle bell from his bag. He handed it to Kei and said, “Open it.” Kei turned the ball over a few times. Lily couldn’t tell from where she stood if it was silver or steel, but it had a loop on top, as if it were meant for a charm bracelet or necklace. Kei soon tried turning the loop, and it pulled out a screw, opening a hole into the ball.

            Dr. Basa pulled a thin white paper from a flat foil packet. Lily was pretty sure it was the same kind kids rolled joints in, but she’d avoided that scene enough to be uncertain. Basa folded the paper and poured the power from his mortar in. Then he took the tiny ball from Kei’s hand and tilted the powder in through the screw hole. It was a very delicate maneuver. Lily wondered how long he’d practiced to do it without spilling a grain. But he did it beautifully, and even without special vision, Lily believed that little ball held magic now.

            The man passed the ball back to Kei, who very carefully screwed the loop back on top. Then Basa handed him a sturdy chain that matched the ball and said, “Wear it around your neck always.”

            Kei nodded and passed the chain through the loop and then tried to fasten it behind his neck. His hands, which had seemed steady before, were pretty clearly shaking now, but no one said anything as he fumbled around, finally managing the clasp.

            “Thank you, Dr. Basa,” Kei said.

            Basa inclined his head slightly and turned to Leilani. “The next one will need to be outside, and my mortar and pestle will need to be completely cleaned and dried first.”

            “Certainly.” Makana’s mom, picked up the mortar and pestle and headed to the kitchen. Lily began to whisper to Makana, but Makana caught her wrist and dragged her to the bedroom.

            Once the door was shut behind them, Lily didn’t know where to begin. But Makana stood silently, a few feet in front of her, eyes on the floor.

            Sensing that time was short, Lily took a deep breath and managed, “What does that thing do?”

            “Kei won’t have to worry about making others sick while he’s wearing it.”

            “It blocks his magic?” Lily asked, staring hard at Makana.

            “It contains it, until he learns enough control.” She still didn’t meet Lily’s eyes.

            “Makana, please look at me. I need to know what’s going on. Why are we going outside?”

            Makana looked up, suddenly seeming confident and to Lily, scary. “Dr. Basa can make charms for the two of us to wear that protect us from each other’s power.”

            “What if I don’t want one?”

Makana's jaw was tight, her whole body poised to fight. “You don’t have to wear it, but you’re going to let him make mine, and that means we make a pair.”

“Why?”

“That’s how it works.”

Lily wanted a full and detailed explanation, but it was clear she'd have to fight Makana for each answer. “Could he make something like Kei’s to block my power when I wear it?”

“This isn’t a little thing. Dr. Basa doesn’t go around making trinkets. We’re not even making charms to protect Kei or my mom from you.”

            “I see.” Lily felt really, really hurt, like she would cry, but she wasn’t sure why. If Makana wanted to block anything Lily might do to her, she should have that right. Lily didn’t want to force anything on her anyway. But it felt like Makana was forcing this situation. She could have told Lily ahead of time. She could have given Lily a choice and trusted her to make the right decision. “I wish you trusted me.”

            “I wish I could.”

            Lily felt tears coming. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back to stop them. After a deep breath, she said, “Will this hurt my magic any other way?”

            “No,” Makana said.

            Lily could tell by the sound of her voice that Makana had moved across the room. She opened her eyes and saw Makana at the window.

            “I guess I’ll have to trust you,” Lily said. She no longer felt like she would cry. Her back was rigid, and she didn’t want to face Dr. Basa, but she knew she would. There was a time when doing this with Makana would have made her feel better, but not now.

            Makana didn’t respond but seemed to see something outside. She said, “Let’s go.”

 

            Outside, Lily and Makana followed Leilani and Dr. Basa to a place past where the hammock had been. Kei tagged along behind.

Leilani spread a small blanket on the ground and set the cleaned mortar and pestle in one corner. Dr. Basa used his toe to draw a large circle on the ground beside the blanket. He turned to Lily and said, “You can sit there.” Then he sat on the blanket near the circle and everyone else found their own spots on the covered area.

Lily walked to the circle wondering if she really had to go along with this. Did she trust Makana that this wouldn’t hurt her magic, merely allow Dr. Basa to make a couple of charms? Even if she trusted Makana, should she trust Basa?

She closed her eyes where she stood. Without touching the ground, she could see the glow of all the forms around her. Makana’s was the strongest. Kei still glowed, even with his necklace on. If the charm had any glow of its own, Lily couldn’t see it against Kei.

“Sit in the circle,” the old man’s voice said.

“How do I know this won’t harm me?” Lily asked.

“Did it harm the boy?” Basa asked.

“I don’t know how to tell.”

“It didn’t.” Lily knew without opening her eyes that it was Leilani who spoke, but she opened her eyes anyway, to see her face. She looked sincere enough.

“Can you tell? Would you know from his aura or something if the charms drained energy from him or gave Dr. Basa some power over him?”

“Possibly. But I also know many people who have trusted Dr. Basa for themselves or for their children. You don’t need to worry. You are one of us.” With those words, it suddenly didn’t matter that Lily had no Hawaiian blood or that Makana couldn’t fully trust her. She was included in a way that made such things irrelevant.

Lily looked at Dr. Basa, who showed no sign of sympathy or annoyance. He sat still and old, cross-legged on a blanket while Lily was the only one standing. Realizing she’d been rude, and maybe childish, she asked, “What do I do?”

“Sit in the circle,” Dr. Basa said. “If you can find your place with the land, you’ll have a sense of how we all fit here, together. What I make won’t work unless you find that connection and open the container.”

It was the most Lily had heard the man say at once. His voice was calm and almost tired, but he sounded like someone she could trust. At the very least, the part about needing her active involvement made sense. She thought Makana would have arranged to make the charm without her if possible, so there must be some reason she was here.

Lily sat down in the circle. She took off her shoes to let her feet touch the soil, and she dug in her fingers for good measure. The ground pulled her immediately. It seemed to embrace and reassure her, but Lily thought that could be the magic reacting to what she wanted. Hadn’t it pulled her in and eased her pain after Makana rejected her? What she needed now was to understand this situation. Eyes closed, she looked at the people around her, but their glowing only showed their magic. None of them seemed to be concentrating their power, since the glows filled their bodies evenly rather than tightening into a central mass.

Lily glanced farther afield and noticed a distinct lack of animals. Quite a distance away, two small shapes, squirrels maybe, were heading away. “Why aren’t there any animals?” she asked.

“Some of my magic involves their sacrifice,” Dr. Basa said. “I treat them with respect, always, but it makes them uncomfortable.”

“Will anything we’re doing here hurt or upset them?”

“No,” Basa said.

Lily wanted to will him to tell the truth, but she mostly believed it wouldn’t work. She didn’t think she could want it strongly enough or focus her power that way. Instead, she tried to feel from the earth if this person and these plans were okay. She’d never tried to answer any such question before, and mostly she felt her senses blend more and more with her surroundings. After a while, she was able to sense creatures as far out as the ocean, swimming oblivious to whatever went on here. She decided that the lack of negative feedback would have to be answer enough. It felt like time to pull back into herself.

Lily opened her eyes and said, “Okay.”

Dr. Basa pulled a small teaspoon from his pack and filled the tip of it with dirt from inside her circle. He placed this dirt in the clean mortar and pestle and began unfolding the packets of crushed herbs from his bag. Makana passed him a small plastic bag that must contain something related to her magic, but Lily couldn’t guess what it was. She closed her eyes to see if the mixture would glow, but it did not. Instead, she watched Dr. Basa’s magic tighten into a ball as he ground ingredients together. At no point did his magic send tendrils out the way Makana’s seemed to, but at the end of his grinding, the ball that was Basa’s magic flared out like a supernova before coalescing back into his normal form.

Lily opened her eyes and instantly met Dr. Basa’s. For that moment he looked curious, as if he might ask what she’d seen. But he didn’t speak and slid back into elderly calm. He handed Lily a metal ball, much like Kei’s, and she unscrewed the top. He used a paper to tip half of his mixture into it and then handed it to Makana to reseal. After that, he handed Makana another ball, which she opened and Lily resealed once it was filled.

Then everyone relaxed a bit as Lily was given a chain for her charm, and another chain was passed to Makana. Both Lily and Makana managed the fastenings on the first try. Then everyone stood up and started gathering things.

Lily stood in her circle on the ground and dusted off her jeans. As the others started to walk in, Makana stepped over beside Lily. Lily didn’t move as the other’s left. She stood silently, figuring it was Makana’s turn to talk now.

Finally Makana said, “No hard feelings?”

“I don’t know.” Lily closed her eyes and couldn’t see Makana at all. Farther away, she caught the glows from the others as they approached and entered the house. She could have been standing alone under the trees, rather than with the most magical person she’d known here. There wasn’t any tug behind her ribs, and even if that was fair and merely the absence of a feeling, it hurt.

She felt Makana’s hand on her upper arm and a whole surge of feelings came with that, even if none of it was magic. She opened her eyes and found Makana looking straight at her.

“So, what now?” Lily asked.

“You could stay for dinner. We’re getting Kentucky Fried Chicken, because the great Dr. Basa is reputed to like it.” Makana smiled, Lily wanted to be able to smile back.

“I meant, are we friends? Or are you still going to avoid me?” That was about a blunt as it could be. Why couldn’t she let it go and stop caring what Makana thought? But Makana was still touching her arm, and that connection seemed at least as compelling as the magic that used to pull inside her. Besides, Makana had chosen to touch her and to stay out here to talk.

“I think we could be friends, but honestly, I have a new girlfriend. I may not have much free time. I don’t mind walking home with you after Lokahi. And if you still want me to help with Mrs. Grady, I’m willing to try my healing along with your wishing to see if anything works. Just, don’t expect too much, okay?”

Lily nodded. Did she expect too much? Maybe she’d do better with people if she could pin down what she expected, or maybe it wasn’t meant to work that way. Her magic repeatedly avoided being pinned down or fully explained. At least Makana was offering to go with her to Mrs. Grady. If neither of their efforts could help, Lily would still feel better for trying with Makana. Maybe they’d have a better friendship now that neither of them had to worry about Lily’s wishes running out of control. Lily looked at the matching charms they wore and wondered if anyone else would notice. For all her earlier uncertainty, Lily was glad to have hers and figured she’d wear it after all, but maybe under her shirt.

She went inside with Makana and stayed for dinner.

 

23

Juggling

It only took until the next Monday, on the bus to the children’s home, for someone to notice the matching necklaces. Paula, was sitting next to Lily, chatting away about drama class. Then she stopped, leaned in next to Lily, and whispered, “Makana has a necklace just like yours.”

Lily looked over and saw the little ball dangling below the line of Makana’s hair. Makana was leaning over her notebook as usual and didn’t seem to notice Paula’s whisper or Lily’s glance. Lily smiled. She’d been wearing her necklace under her shirt since Tuesday night, but since she didn’t usually wear jewelry, Paula had asked about it right away. Lily had claimed it was a good luck charm someone had given her.

For a moment, she wanted to pretend it was only a coincidence. In a way, it wasn’t really Paula’s business what went on between her and Makana. But there already seemed to be too much lying involved with magic. She’d originally kept things secret from her family, and from Kei that day in the hammock, although all of that had been cleared up since then. There was still the story about owning a dog like Spammy. Even if Lily probably had to keep magic a secret from Paula, she didn’t want to introduce any extra lies into their friendship.

“Okay, Makana gave me the necklace,” Lily whispered, wishing they weren’t having this conversation on the bus. At least the road noise made them less likely to be overheard.

Paula gave Lily a sideways look, perhaps because they were sitting side by side, and then she asked, “Is there anything else you’d like to tell me. I mean, are you and Makana getting involved or something?”

“No, it’s not like that. If you really want to know, she told me she’s busy with someone else and might not have much time to spend with me. The necklace was sort of a way of making up for a past mistake, something I probably should have handled better.”

“You know I’m okay with anything you want to tell me,” Paula said.

“I know,” Lily couldn’t help but smile. Part of her really wished she could tell Paula. Luckily, she had something else almost as good to share. “In other news though, I have a project I thought you might help with.”

Lily opened the bag she’d brought, which was even more stuffed than usual although she’d left all but one textbook at school. “Over the weekend, my mom and some of her friends helped me make juggling scarves and beanbags for all sixty-four children at Lokahi.”

Paula opened her mouth wide and squealed. That did cause Makana to glance over, but she could tell from one glimpse of the colorful fabric what was going on. It happened that Rose had been making donuts while Lily was sewing. Rose had ended up inviting Kei, who she seemed pretty friendly with again, over for donuts. Lily had asked if she could invite Makana too, and they’d ended up with Makana and Leilani as well as Lily’s mom and her friends spending the day sewing and eating donuts in their dining area and living room. Makana had even come up with part of the new plan, but she’d only wanted to play a supporting role. That left a clear need for Paula.

“You see,” Lily said, “Some of the women who sewed this are involved with our local neighborhood association and the Kiwanis. They want to invite the Lokahi kids to their Spring picnic, and they thought it would be great if the kids performed a little juggling demonstration. With your drama experience, I thought you could help work up a show. Of course, we’d have to clear it with Mrs. Mao…”

In the few minutes left before they reached Lokahi, Paula came up with half a dozen ideas and suggestions for how to approach Mrs. Mao. Lily figured the written invitation from the Kiwanis would help as well, but she didn't mention that.

 

Two months later, Lily met the children at an enormous park with an outdoor amphitheater. The Kiwanis had set up tables and streamers, all in the same bright colors as the children’s juggling equipment. Lily had met several of the women in the intervening months, and found out all of them knew Paula’s mom.

The day of the show, Paula was basking in the attention she drew as the show’s “director,” and Lily received more than enough praise for initiating the idea and the juggling lessons in the first place. When it seemed like she’d spoken to almost every adult she knew and a fair number of the kids, Lily looked around for Makana. She found her picking up dropped balls for Jeffrey, who no longer had seizures and had become the best juggler in the children’s home. Today, he was practicing an alternate way of juggling three beanbags. It was called a Waterfall.

“Is that going into the show?” Lily asked as she walked up.

“Naw,” Jeffrey answered without stopping. “Maybe next time.”

Makana half laughed, “You’ve created a monster.”

“No, I only had a tiny bit to do with it.”

“I’m a monster in training, bwah, hah, hah,” Jeffrey cackled. He still didn’t drop a single ball.

Lily and Makana wandered off a little way toward the edge of the park. They still walked home together most Mondays, but Lily had news she wanted to share.

“They reran Rose’s test finally, and you seemed to have cured the genetic part, too.”

Makana nodded, but without much enthusiasm.

“It’s what you wanted, isn’t it? This means everyone’s done with it for good now.” Lily tried to read Makana’s face, but she was looking down, kicking the dirt, and her hair got in the way.

“You know it’s what I wanted, but it creates other problems. Eventually they’re going to retest the two boys. Then they have three false positives to explain. Either the doctor looks bad or the test faces questions. Or what if someone asks the boys and they say I told them about this weird alternative medicine that cures PXE?”

“They said they wouldn’t tell, right?”

“Sure, but people don’t always keep secrets that well.”

Lily felt a stab of guilt. Makana looked up and knew, but she didn’t say anything for a moment. Then Makana reached down for something in the grass. She pulled out a dandelion and handed it to Lily. “Some people call it a puffaloo, I hear.”

It took Lily a moment to remember their long ago lunchtime conversation. Then she couldn’t help but laugh, and soon Makana was laughing with her.

They each spent the rest of the afternoon doing what they could for the kids who were performing and to help everyone else have a good time. Sean was over the moon, telling everyone how he’d asked Lily to bring the circus stuff in the first place. Jeffrey received huge applause for his solo toward the end of the show. Even Mrs. Mao gave and received encouragement as she thanked all those who had helped with the event and the juggling materials.

At the end of the day, bouquets were presented to Paula, Lily, Makana, and several of the adult volunteers and children’s home staff. People also brought leis for them and for the children who performed. Lily looked around to see both Makana and Paula surrounded by well-wishers, and she couldn’t help thinking it had all come out better than she would have guessed, if not exactly as she might have wished. She lifted her bouquet and her leis to her face and enjoyed the sweet smell of Hawaiian success.

The End


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